Pragmatic Compendium

inspiring the pragmatic practice of intimacy with Christ

Mythbusters question: Who packs a car better, a man or a woman?

Watching Mythbusters on DVR tonight and that was one of the questions.

FirstHusband: “Oh, DEFINITELY a man.”

Me: “You know why?”

FirstHusband: “Spacial relationships.”

Me: “nope. it’s because we don’t care.”

Once I get the suitcase closed, my job is done.

April 23, 2012 Posted by | laugh!, status updates, till death, women | , , , | 2 Comments

five minutes of crazy.

Me, to FirstHusband at Home Depot: “I know that guy. How do I know that guy?”

One minute later, staring at the guy: “WHERE do I know him from?”

And again, this time staring blankly at nothing, watching a clouded memory play back in my head: “He’s a doctor. Whoever he is, he wears a white coat. I know I’ve had a conversation with him while he was wearing a white coat.”

And again: “What doctors do we go to? This is going to drive me nuts all day.”

30 seconds later: “I’m going to wake up at 2am and tell you who he is.”

FirstHusband: “I hope we’re not in the middle of anything.”

Me: “at 2 o’clock in the morning?”
(he got the “yeah, right” raised eyebrow look)

FINALLY: “He’s our VET! ahhhh.”

A few seconds later: “Well, that was five minutes of crazy.”

FirstHusband: “Five minutes. Yeah, we’ll go with that.”

I don’t know what he’s talking about.

April 17, 2012 Posted by | fragments, laugh!, status updates, till death | , , , , | Leave a comment

friday funnies: what women really want

A little tutorial for men, in preparation for Valentine’s Day…

Need a few more chuckles today? Check out Friday Funnies hosted by Homesteaders Heart!

If you’ve got time to hang out for a few minutes, check out what else makes me laugh: Pragmatic Compendium’s “laugh!” category.

February 4, 2011 Posted by | laugh!, till death, women, youtube | , , , , | 4 Comments

“the man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants.”

I love this scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Isn’t is cute how men think they’re in charge?

Now ladies, wield this power responsibly. Don’t take advantage.

Need a few more chuckles today? Check out Friday Funnies hosted by Homesteaders Heart!

If you’ve got time to hang out for a few minutes, check out what else makes me laugh: Pragmatic Compendium’s “laugh!” category.

January 22, 2011 Posted by | laugh!, till death, women, youtube | , , , , , | 3 Comments

peel me a grape. again.

I posted this as an audio clip and wrote a dedication to FirstHusband on our 20th wedding anniversary, August 11th, but here’s a youtube version.

Peel Me a Grape is one of “our” songs (really, after 20 years, how can we have only ONE song?). The lyrics are so completely opposite of the mini-van driving, pragmatic woman I am and the kind of relationship we have, that they make us laugh. And laughter all wrapped up in sultry? That’s romance for us. We both loved it from the moment we heard it.

Need a few more chuckles today? Check out Friday Funnies hosted by Homesteaders Heart!

If you’ve got time to hang out for a few minutes, check out what else makes me laugh: Pragmatic Compendium’s “laugh!” category.


For more Saturday music, check out Then Sings My Soul Saturday every Saturday hosted by Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders.

August 13, 2010 Posted by | laugh!, music, till death, youtube | , , , , | 7 Comments

peel me a grape.

20 years today. One of the best decisions I ever made!

FirstHusband gave me a cruise for an anniversary present. I gave him this: (the vocals are all me)

Cause anyone who knows me, knows how much I need mink coats, cashmere and bon bons. umm. hmm. I must admit. I do love the line “never outthink me.” And tonight the line “chill me some wine” will work.

We first heard this song 8 years ago in a little piano bar on the Disney Wonder. It stuck with both of us – in a “this is our song” kind of way. But then again, we have framed lyrics by Jimmy Buffett hanging on our bedroom wall:

“It’s those changes in latitudes,
changes in attitudes nothing remains quite the same.
With all of our running and all of our cunning,
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”

We are some kind of romantic, huh?

We relied on PinkGirl set up our romantic anniversary dinner in her own special way and then she invited us to the family room for a dance. She played the CD and since the accompaniment sounds exactly like the Diana Krall version, FirstHusband didn’t know it was me till the vocals started. He asked two questions: “Who is this?” immediately followed by “Is this you?”

Happy Anniversary, babe. Today you are FavoriteHusband. Maybe even tomorrow too.

August 11, 2010 Posted by | laugh!, music, till death, women | , , | 1 Comment

cupid is bossy.

Our Cupid is a nine year old girl with long blond hair. She was all about serving dinner to her dad and I tonight. He and I went out for a few hours this afternoon and she spent the time preparing a romantic “restaurant” in our dining room. She also prepared a salad. With dressing tossed in. FOUR hours before serving it. She called us no less than 5 times to ask when we would be back and to tell us the salad was ready.

Finally, FirstHusband and I arrived home. We had to enter through the garage and laundry room because we weren’t allowed into the kitchen and there was a curtain in the laundry room that FirstHusband had to hang over the entrance to the kitchen so we couldn’t see anything and spoil the surprise. Finally, we were banished to the upstairs to wait. We were sprawled out on our bed, chillin out, listening to the kitchen noises. A little impatient bickering between the chef and her recruited kitchen help (her brother), a crash, an “uh oh.” You know, stuff like that.

And we are TIRED. Her expectations are extremely high. She’s got a plan and we don’t dare deviate lest we ruin all her hard work. She’s trying to “make up” for the fact that our Valentine’s Day was spent driving from east Orlando to Tampa and back to see the musical “Wicked.” (It was a GREAT show – the tickets were one of PinkGirl’s Christmas presents.) This romantic dinner is a big deal. We will be expected to order from a menu, even though there’s only one entree to choose from. We will be expected to eat that salad.

Did I mention we’re tired? Face down in the comforter, I say: “Cupid is bossy.”

FirstHusband: “yeah. (pause) but she makes a mean soup and salad.” (pause again) “too bad they are one and the same.”


But it was really very sweet. She had costume changes between characters. We met the first server, the restaurant masseuse named Mary who gave us each a shoulder rub, the manager named Stacy, and a second server named Emma (because the first server got off work.) We got a $10 coupon with our reservation and FirstHusband got to pay with the money from PinkGirl’s Pooh Bear wallet. By paying for our meal, we got free admission to the ballroom (the family room). Dancing to Ray Charles and B.B. King singing “Sinner’s Prayer(aka Have Mercy) she only cut in to dance with her dad once. Very sweet.

Clean up was fairly minimal. In the end, we only had one water spill, a long blond hair in my saladsoup and red candle wax on the table.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Part B.

February 15, 2010 Posted by | laugh!, music, till death | , , , , | 2 Comments

random acts of pragmatic romance.

A few months ago, in the spirit of romance, I picked up a book (pre-owned, of course) entitled “Random Acts of Romance: surprise and delight the one you love.” With Valentine’s Day just a few short days away, I looked through it for some Valentine ideas.

It seems I have a little problem with romance. Here are some suggestions from the book and my interpretations/reactions:

“1. Say ‘my love’ so often that it becomes you partner’s name.”

(and don’t worry. that won’t make her wonder if you forgot her name or are just being proactive in case you get her confused with your other girlfriend – or wife).

“2. Tickle each other in an elevator.”

(Never mind the security camera. Or anyone else in the elevator.)

“3. Walk your love to the car in the morning. Open the door and after he’s seated safely inside, close it gently. Kiss the glass.”

(It’s very important to make sure he’s SAFELY inside. And close it GENTLY. Enough to make the door sensors indicate it’s closed, but not enough to slam any body parts or make a loud noise. It might scare him. And kissing the glass is SOOO much better than kissing him. Just ask him. Warm lips against his right then? Or cleaning spit off the window later?)

“4. Call your mother-in-law ‘Dear’.”

(Now, that’s just gonna get someone smacked.)

“5. Meet her at the bus stop with a flower.”

(Or maybe pick her up from work? And take her to the car dealer.)

“6. At the airport, page your sweetie under a pet nickname.”

(seriously. not a good idea.)

“7. Park your car in the woods, open the doors, turn up the music, and dance in the leaves.”

(she won’t be preoccupied with thoughts of snakes, chiggers or tires getting stuck in the mud)

“8. Pretend you’re newlyweds by making a JUST MARRIED sign for the back of your car, then drive around town beeping your horn and smiling. If your budget allows, book the bridal suite at a local hotel.”

(if you’re REALLY just married, you don’t drive around town beeping the horn. You drive directly to the bridal suite)

“9. Set up a tent in your bedroom for an indoor camp-out. Pretend to be a friendly bear.”

(a friendly BEAR? THIS is romantic? are you flippin kidding me?)

“10. Slip a revealing photo of yourself into your mate’s lunch bag.”

(that will be helpful when he forgets it and a co-worker opens it up to see if they can figure out who it belongs to)

Needless to say, I’m listing this book on paperback swap.

Now, to be fair, there were some ideas I DID find to be pragmatically romantic:

“1. Borrow your partner’s car during the day and return it vacuumed, washed and waxed.”

“2. Buy massage oil formulated from his/her favorite scents – and use it often.”

“3. Serve him/her dinner and coffee when she has to bring work home, and ask what you can do around the house that would help her get her work done.”

“4. Forget the movie. Go to a coffee bar where you can reconnect.”

“5. Tell other people the special things you admire about your partner – both in and out of your partner’s presence.”

“6. Go out on the deck or patio and snuggle at dusk while the kids watch TV.”

“7. Kiss your lover at least four times a day: when you say good morning, good night, goodbye when separating for the day and hello when you reunite.”

“8. Wear silky clothing that isn’t too revealing to be seen in around the kids but still feels and looks alluring and soft to the touch.”

“9. Sometimes, feed the kids first and share dinner alone with your lover.”

“10. Instead of a roaring fire, opt for something a bit more subdued. Set a tiered candelabra, complete with scented candles, anywhere you’d like to fan the flame of romance.”

I’m going to try to post more Valentines/Romance ideas between now and the 14th. Any ideas to share? Good or bad? Past Valentine/romance experiences to share? (keep it clean, please) Post and link up in comments or just comment!

February 5, 2010 Posted by | books, laugh!, till death | 3 Comments

at FirstHusband’s request.

It has been suggested to me (more than 50 a few times) that I should confess the “real” reason I was not discharged from the hospital until late Sunday afternoon.

I, of course, choose to believe that had I NOT spiked a fever on Friday night, all would have gone much more . . . smoothly.

(FirstHusband. Are you happy now?)

In all fairness, here’s what a great guy I have:

1. He has been THERE for me, really THERE for me, through everything. A CONSTANT support. EVERYTHING I need. Random doctors and nurses said things like “He’s a keeper.” and “You’ve got a great guy.” to which I replied, “oh, I KNOW I do.”

2. He and I have developed an excellent system to get me out of a hospital bed when my gut is full of stitches. Easy and relatively no pain. This system is borne from experience. He’s been there for me before, more than a few times.

3. He ordered all my “food” in the hospital and turned my cream of wheat into choco-wheat every time. Brought me good coffee from home every day and successfully doctored the one cup of Starbucks I had to drink with a packet of hot chocolate mix.

4. Made sure my water bottle always had room temperature water in it and kept my ice chip cup refilled, AND got me to the bathroom on time, every time. Painlessly.

5. He read aloud to me for days.

6. He walked and walked and walked with me as I pushed my IV stand around the hospital floor.

7. Made me the homemade coughing splint Linda told us about.

8. He helped me take a shower, helps me empty my drains, and rubs my back in just the right spot.

9. Is tracking every single medication I’m taking on a computer spreadsheet because there’s just too much of it and some of it makes me forget things – like what I took and when.

10. Called me last night to ask what color nightgown I wanted when he was out at Target, picking up a few things.

11. Selflessly and immediately released any claim to his bonus this year to finance my tummy tuck add-on surgery.

12. Keeps telling me how good I’m going to look and how happy I’m going to be the the results – and how happy HE’S going to be with the results – when I’m healed, stitches-free and walking upright.

May 5, 2009 Posted by | health, laugh!, poor me some whine, till death, women, youtube | , , , , | 7 Comments

men: avoid the doghouse

Now, in all fairness, I have to admit that I bought FirstHusband a tape backup drive one year for Valentine’s Day. And he bought me printer memory one year. But we were newly married. And broke. And we couldn’t print anything but text.

But the ONLY vacuum cleaner allowed as a gift? The iRobot Roomba Vacuuming Robot. A few years ago, I got a iRobot Scooba Floor-Washing Robot for Mother’s Day.

I LOVE it. Again. LOVE it.

This video is really great – completely worth the 4 minutes, 45 seconds to watch it! I love subtle, smart humor. The folding, the recorded message in the background, the lunch menu.

Need a few more chuckles today? Check out Friday Funnies hosted by Homesteaders Heart!

February 11, 2009 Posted by | laugh!, till death, women, youtube | , , , | 6 Comments


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