Jesus said turn the other cheek. He didn’t say I had to stand within smack radius.
“so, have you spoken to them about their behavior?”
That was the question I was asked after publishing my post entitled “you see the big hat too . . . right?“
(For those who don’t have time to read that post, here’s the twitter version: “passive-aggressive narcissist. boundaries, distance & prayer. attempted normal relationship. failed. back to boundaries, distance & prayer.”)
Back to the question – Have I spoken to this person about their behavior?
The person asking me the question is a Christian, someone I respect. They deserve an answer with a reason. So here goes.
As Christians, we tend to think God wants us to reek of Ephesians 4 and live in “Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ.” My concern, the reason I’m still writing about my response to passive-aggressive behavior, is that some Christians interpret “unity in Christ” to mean we should get along with everybody God has placed and/or allowed in our lives. Some Christians believe that “unity in Christ” means that anger is a sin and most importantly, that we should strive to resolve differences when we encounter conflict.
Have I spoken to this person about their behavior? It’s a reasonable question – from a reasonable person. And therein lies the problem. The assumption we want to make is that everyone is, at least for a few minutes of every day, reasonable.
What a beautiful theory.
In reality, it’s more like this:
(oh, chill out. It’s just a cartoon. God loves jerks too.)
To answer the question, Yes. I tried confrontation. I was a communication major. I have a conflict resolution model memorized and am ready to use it at a moment’s notice. So, yes. I did speak with them about their behavior – Before I figured out their standard MO (with everyone, not just me) was passive-aggressive behavior. Specific behaviors were openly addressed and were discontinued, at least temporarily, only to be replaced with a different manifestation of the same root issue. See, passive-aggressive behavior is like a flu strain. It subtly morphs, but is never eradicated. Since the behaviors never stop, the need for attention never ends.
I have years of experience with narcissism and its key characteristic – passive-aggressive behavior. I spent months saturated in research on it. Once I recognized it in this person, I knew exactly what to do. Over and over and over again, the books and documentation suggest that boundaries and distance are the only long lasting solution.
really. I’m not just making this stuff up to avoid confrontation. Remember, I tried confrontation. Confrontation produced temporary results:
“Realize that the narcissist may agree to change the dynamics of the relationship for a short time, to get you off his back,” but will usually revert to what he or she considers “normal.” In the end, the only healthy way to live with a narcissist is to become more of “your own person” and to create a space between you and the narcissist from which you both can live . . .
Minimize direct confrontation with the narcissist’s unhealthy behavior. Most narcissists are simply unable to receive criticism, even if it is meant constructively and spoken in a soft and respectful manner . . .
Maintain good personal boundaries between you and the narcissist. In response to your setting a boundary, the narcissist may attempt to rewrite history or even try to convince you that what you thought (or saw) just happened didn’t, and thus, there is no need for setting a boundary in the first place. Do not back down. . . ” (emphasis added)
(Understanding Narcissism, Paul M. Floyd, M.Div., J.D. and Bruce Narramore, Ph.D.)
My recent problem stemmed from the fact that I intentionally made the decision to take down the boundaries I had set and I attempted to bridge the distance I had established. (To find out WHY I would do such a thing, CLICK HERE to read my post Dear PinkGirl: don’t copy me.
(For those who don’t have time to read that post, here’s the twitter version: “a friend witnessed a passive-aggressive attack that didn’t bother me, but upset her. I explored the possibility that my boundaries were not God’s will.”)
Someone I respected – also a Christian and a reasonable person – witnessed a passive-aggressive attack. Because I had mental and emotional boundaries firmly in place, I bounced back like a quarter on a tightly made bed. My friend, however, was surprised and upset by this person’s behavior. It was new to them and seemed out of character. From my perspective, the behavior was fairly typical. But out of respect for my friend, because it upset her, I decided to prayerfully consider whether I was ignoring any promptings from the Holy Spirit to reach out to the narcissist God was allowing in my life.
Armed with daily prayer and all the research on narcissism and passive-aggressive behavior I could devour, I spent the last few weeks attempting to engage in a positive interpersonal relationship with this person I had previously (and successfully) blocked out for 2 years.
It depleted me. It sapped my energy and stole my peace. It interfered with my work. I became so discouraged I even stopped eating and exercising. I slowly lost my patience and my ability to respond appropriately and began to resent this person and react with frustration when I witnessed continued attempts at manipulation, whereas I had previously felt nothing toward them and had been immune to the manipulation for 2 years. I had experienced 2 years of sincere calm indifference when they behaved badly and now? I wanted to smack ‘em every time they acted out. That ain’t good. CLICK HERE to read “step away from the puppy” to read what I wrote about that.”
(For those who don’t have time to read that post, here’s the twitter version: “emotional bullies wear puppy suits. wounded puppy suits. feeding the puppy just makes him hungrier and wipes you out.”)
After relentlessly praying about this situation and this person and relentlessly asking God what he would have me do, I’m grateful and confident that Christ isn’t calling me to extend compassion by making myself available for continuous attack. (again, with another backstory – CLICK HERE to read “I’m going to stop being discouraged and be awesome instead. True Story.“)
(For those who don’t have time to read that post, here’s the twitter version: “I can’t be discouraged anymore. It doesn’t work for me. It’s like breathing through a pillow.”)
My favorite verse in Ephesians 4? Verse 26a: “Be angry but do not sin.”
And I’m very grateful to Dr. Paul Meier for his interpretation of scripture:
David’s response to Saul offers a three-step process for us to follow today:
1. Remember that you aren’t the issue! David knew the problem was with Saul, not with himself.
2. Recognize you can’t cure the other person. David couldn’t straighten Saul out. If you want peace of mind, you must realize you cannot change a crazymaker’s internal workings.
3. We can only change ourselves. Instead of responding to Saul in a like manner, David refused to become Saul’s enemy. David supported the king even as he hid from Saul’s vicious attacks.
Crazymakersby Paul Meier M.D.
I’ve gone back to a place of peace through the re-establishment of boundaries, distance and prayer – I literally pray for this person multiple times per week. If anything will change them, it will be God. Because, unlike me, HE can do ANYthing.
CLICK HERE to see other posts I’ve written about dealing with emotional bullies, narcissists and passive-aggressive people.
Like this:
stumbling blocks? or stepping stones?
When I published part of my testimony in my last blog post, “I never knew that what I was missing even existed.” I was concerned that some might take it to be a negative “review” of church. I feel like I need to clarify a little bit.
Although it may sound like my experiences in church were stumbling blocks in my spiritual growth, I believe everything I experienced in the churches I attended as I grew up were stepping stones which led me to the place and person I was when abandoned my fear and compartmentalized life in exchange for an intimate relationship with Christ that tends to evidence itself in my life in a transparent, and sometimes vulnerable way.
In 2007, when I read “The Taste of New Wine” by Keith Miller, I believe I was ready to receive the messages in that book. Around that time, I also read The Practice of the Presence of God (free on Amazon & B&N).
(If you’ve been around Compendium before, you know those weren’t the only two books I was reading at the time. When I’m learning something, I collect a stack of books on the subject and saturate myself with information from as many different perspectives as I can find. I take the information that resonates with me, that I can identify with, and it becomes part of me. I discard the rest, sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently.)
When FirstHusband and I began attending a Methodist church 12 years ago, we already had a firm theological foundation and truth be told, we still say we are Baptist when asked, because our beliefs are more in line with Baptist doctrine. We were just trying to learn more about Methodist doctrine when we first began attending. We also believe the Methodist church has Biblical and theological foundation, it was just challenging to follow the bread crumbs. Now we know where to look (Book of Discipline).
When it comes right down to it, we wish the Methodist church were more evangelical. (see? there’s that Baptist showing again.)
But even if we had continued to attend Baptist churches, I think the active, prevalent faith I live out today is something I had to find on my own. I’m so thankful for Keith Miller’s book (and Brother Lawrence’s Practice the Presence) for opening my eyes, mind and heart to the idea that a relationship with Christ could be such an integral part of my life.
My goal now is to try and let others know how an intimate relationship with Christ can become an integral part of their lives, no matter what church they attend – or don’t.
Like this:
does God “send” trials or just “allow” them?
In my post entitled “an unextraordinary life” I wrote:
“When I’ve experienced trials in my life, sure God might have sent them, but it’s just as likely He allowed them. Either way, He’s promised that He will work it all for good. Even when, from my own perspective, it didn’t seem like it was for my good.”
A reader commented:
“I agree with you that God allows trials to happen and then brings something good out of them, but I don’t believe that he sends them. Matthew 7:11 gives the picture of God as a Father who delights in giving good gifts to his children. I can’t picture a loving father purposely bringing trials into His children’s lives.”
I spent some time in 2009 reading and learning about the seeming paradox of evil and suffering vs. a loving and all powerful God. I don’t like to think of a loving Father “sending” his child trials, but I can’t ignore some evidence.
I should probably begin with my definition of the word “trials.”
I view a trial as anything in my life that causes me pain – physical or emotional. It’s something in my life that I don’t want in my life. Something I fear or dread or suffer through.
I should clarify what I mean by my use of the words “send” and “allow” as well.
When I say I believe God “sends” some trials, I’m referring to trials God intends for us – plans for us – to experience.
When I talk about God “allowing” trials, I’m referring to the things God does NOT intend for us, but doesn’t intervene to prevent or to protect us from. Maybe these trials are consequences of our own sin, maybe they are consequences of our sinful nature and freedom of choice or maybe they are just the result of random circumstances in this life.
Make no mistake, I believe Matthew 7:11:
“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
When I think about my own children, I can identify with Matthew 7:11. I want to give them “good gifts” all the time. But if I never disciplined them, I would play a starring role in turning them into Veruca Salt. Leading me to Hebrews 12:6-11:
“because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
And again, thinking about my children, my mind automatically goes to the story of Abraham and Isaac. Here’s a question for you: When God told Abraham to take his son up a mountain and sacrifice and kill him, would Abraham have used the word “trial” to describe his experience? He had waited 100 years to have a son. The feelings that overwhelmed him as he left home . . . NOT telling Sarah what God had instructed him to do . . . as the minutes dragged during the agonizing climb up that mountain . . . would “trial” not be a descriptive word for that experience?
I’m thinkin it would.
And if we can agree that was a trial for Abraham, the real question is: Did God intend for Abraham to have that experience? God instructed Abraham to sacrifice his son, not as punishment for sin or to hurt him, but to test and strengthen Abraham’s faith. Abraham’s obedience – letting go of his own will for the sake of God’s will, even when it didn’t make any sense to him and wrenched his heart – was a test of faith I’m not sure I could pass.
And then there’s John 9:1-3:
“As he went along, he [Jesus] saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
I agree with what Matthew Henry has to say about the trial of this man:
That they [trials] are sometimes intended purely for the glory of God, and the manifesting of his works. God has a sovereignty over all his creatures and an exclusive right in them, and may make them serviceable to his glory in such a way as he thinks fit, in doing or suffering; and if God be glorified, either by us or in us, we were not made in vain. This man was born blind, and it was worth while for him to be so, and to continue thus long dark, that the works of God might be manifest in him.
(emphasis added)
I wrote this blog post in bits and pieces over the last 36 hours, after hearing a message emphasizing that God blesses us with strength through anointed weakness. All the while I couldn’t help thinking of Nick Vujicic. Last night, I watched a number of Nick’s youtube videos, looking for the “right” one to include in this post. I had already seen a number of Nick’s videos over the last few months but I had never heard him talk about his decision to serve Christ in any of them. I bought his biography last week, but haven’t begun reading it yet. I knew I had found the video to include when I got the 3 minute 45 second mark. Go ahead, it’s worth the 8 minutes.
“Because I have no arms and no legs He’s using me all around the world and we’ve seen so far, approximately – and this is conservative – 200,000 souls come to Jesus Christ for the very first time in the last 6 or 7 years . . . I would rather have no arms and no legs temporarily here on earth and be be able to reach someone else for Jesus Christ – and then spend eternity with them there.”
So yes. I believe that sometimes God sends us trials.
And then, there’s Rachel Barkey. I stumbled upon Rachel’s story in 2009 when I was researching the paradox of evil and suffering vs. a loving and all powerful God. Rachel died of cancer at the age of 37, leaving behind a husband and 2 small children. But before she died, she had an opportunity to give her testimony in which she describes the trials of her last years. It’s a compelling 55 minute testimony that I’ve found myself thinking about often over the last two years. You can watch it HERE (start at the 2:10 minute mark to skip to the beginning), but here’s the quote I transcribed for inclusion in a blog post after I watched it back in June of 2009:
“I am dying.
But so are you.
Neither of us knows if we will even see tomorrow. And perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world is because he is waiting for you. For you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to him for forgiveness.
Maybe you are the one we are waiting for.
Jesus suffered. God did not spare him. Why would he spare me? If my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.
Does that seem strange?
I suppose it does.
But really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all.
A God who sees my suffering but is is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it? With no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me and he will. But save me from what?
From a life without him.”
Compelling evidence.
So yes, I believe that sometimes, God sends trials.
(thank you Jessi, for inspiring this post)
an unextraordinary life.
“Here’s what you do,” said Elisha. “Go up and down the street and borrow jugs and bowls from all your neighbors. And not just a few—all you can get. Then come home and lock the door behind you, you and your sons. Pour oil into each container; when each is full, set it aside.” She did what he said. She locked the door behind her and her sons; as they brought the containers to her, she filled them. When all the jugs and bowls were full, she said to one of her sons, “Another jug, please.” He said, “That’s it. There are no more jugs.” Then the oil stopped.
2 Kings 4:3-6 (The Message)
When I was a little girl, I used to pray for an unextraordinary life.
I thought that blessings were limited and were balanced with tragedy – things I feared. There was this imaginary teeter-totter in my head. All the blessings were piled on one seat while challenges and troubles were precariously stacked on the other. One blessing too much would tip the balance and God would have to step in and even things up.
I figured, if nothing really great happened to me, then nothing really bad would happen to me. So I prayed for a balanced teeter-totter.
It was safe.
Fair.
Kid theology at it’s finest.
I rarely asked for blessings in my life, because in my mind, a blessing would always come with some sort of down side. And the down side wouldn’t always be in my life. If I experienced a blessing, I was always looking for where God would even it up. Who would get the trial? Would it be me? One of my parents? My siblings? Friends?
And there were degrees of blessings and trials. If I got to go to Disney World, some kid out there didn’t – because they came down with strep throat. If my family won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweeptakes? Someone. might. die.
The blessings I already experienced weren’t often recognized. “Normal” life was taken for granted. I viewed blessings like prizes. Extraordinary.
Like I said. Kid theology at its finest.
It was a long time coming, but these days, I understand that God’s grace – and his blessings – are unlimited (and that teeter-totters are only good for broken tailbones or a chin full of stitches). When I’ve experienced trials in my life, sure God might have sent them, but it’s just as likely He allowed them. Either way, He’s promised that He will work it all for good. Even when, from my own perspective, it didn’t seem like it was for my good.
Looking back at my life, I can see blessings in what I once thought were just trials. Of course, I don’t see a blessing in every trial, but I still believe God worked it for good. Maybe someone else was blessed as a result of some trial God sent or allowed in my life. That doesn’t mean they got a blessing and God evened up the teeter-totter with me.
I’m acutely aware of the truth behind the idea that we are who we are because of everything we’ve been through. Today, I’m praying that God will use the challenges I’ve lived through – and learned through – to bless someone else. I’m praying that – the relentless and exasperating optimist I am – I can be a source of hope and encouragement to someone who might need it.
Today, I’m not afraid to ask God to bless me in an extraordinary way. I don’t need an abundance of jars so God’s blessing will continue to flow. I need one life, continuously open for Him to fill with blessings. Even if the blessings are sometimes disguised as trials.
“It is our faith that fails, not his promise. He gives above what we ask: were there more vessels, there is enough in God to fill them—enough for all, enough for each. Was not this pot of oil exhausted as long as there were any vessels to be filled from it?”
Matthew Henry
I hope I can shut up.
10:00 a.m. - I have until tomorrow to submit lyrics & track for the two songs I will be recording on Friday night. As I listen to song after song after song, I’m praying that God would lead me to the two songs HE wants me to sing – to the lyrics & melody that He can use to reach someone who will be present in the recording session that night. I want more than a great session, I want to be an instrument of His grace.
10:36 a.m. - The songs I wanted to try don’t have tracks. Walking away from the computer – and the list of backup choices – to sit on the loveseat with a cup of coffee, my Bible and my prayer journal. I hope I can shut up long enough to hear what the Lord has to say about this.
decision time. a loving mother’s straight-arm? or trust in God?
Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”
Genesis 33:5
Every night, when my kids were infants, I would slip quietly into their room and lay my hand on their backs to make sure they were still breathing. Sometimes, when they were fussy and I was afraid my touch would wake them, I would silently position my finger in front of their nose to feel their breath.
Infants. Who am I kidding? I did it for years. I just needed the assurance that they were breathing before I could sleep.
Tell me I’m not the only parent who’s done this.
I realize that my actions had nothing to do with whether or not they took their next breath. I was just checking for my own peace of mind. Laying my hand on their back was not what prevented them from dying of SIDS or some other freakish undetected “one minute they’re breathing and another minute they’re not” disease.
The Lord, in His mercy and grace, allowed my children take each tiny breath. By His mercy and grace, he still allows them to take their next breath.
Why am I thinking about this now? My kids aren’t at risk for SIDS anymore. My daughter will be 11 years old this year. My son just turned 16.
16. Two weeks ago, my son got his driver’s license.
And there it is.
Am I ready for this change? Of course not. and YES. YES I AM!
The two weeks before he got his license were particularly challenging chauffeur weeks for me. My daughter had drama camp from 9am to noon every day and my son got a summer job with flexible hours. My husband’s travel and work schedule made me the “go-to” guy with the car keys. I was spending hours and hours each day in FavoriteSon’s car with only 20 to 30 minute breaks in between drop-offs and pick-ups. By Thursday of the 2nd week, I was DREADING the thought of sitting in a vehicle.
Thursday was also the day FavoriteSon got his driver’s license.
Friday morning, I got up and drove PinkGirl to drama camp. I arrived back home about 20 minutes before FavoriteSon had to leave for work.
Decision time. Do I ride shotgun with him, drive home, drive back to pick him up and ride shotgun while he drives home? Or do I let him make the single round trip all by himself?
but…
If I was WITH him he would be safe. If he drove by himself, he might get into an accident.
I know. I KNOW.
What was I going to do? Make him drive to work with my left arm stretched across the driver’s seat to protect him? Because THAT’S effective. Ummm hmmm. A loving mother’s straight-arm. More effective than a seat belt.
Just like a hand on his back.
I let him go. Literally. I didn’t even watch him drive away. Yes, I was ready for the break from driving, but more importantly, I was saturated with the knowledge that my presence in the vehicle with him had nothing to do with his safety. Not anymore. Our instruction and advice over the last year helped to prepare him, as did the two driver education courses he took. He was equipped for the responsibility. The State of Florida confirmed it by giving him legal permission to drive. All. by. himself.
His father and I still have so much more to prepare him for. But this? This we’ve prepared him for. This he’s ready for. Now, just like when he was a baby, his life is in God’s powerful and loving hands.
As hard as it is for me to comprehend, God loves my son more than I do.
Making safety the priority tells our children that we think God is incapable
of doing what He said He would do for His children . . . But when we put our confidence in God’s power
rather than the safety nets we place around our children we find that even children can learn to rely on God’s overwhelming presence to protect them as well as to enable them to flourish in the world system.
Tim Kimmel
Grace-Based Parenting
two minutes with God: Philippians 4:8
a Quote:
“An intellectual is one who loves ideas, is dedicated to clarifying them, developing them, criticizing them, turning them over and over, seeing their implications, stacking them atop one another, arranging them, sitting silent while new ideas pop up and old ones seem to rearrange themselves, playing with them, punning with their terminology, laughing at them, watching them clash, picking up the pieces starting over, judging them, withholding judgment about them, changing them, bringing them into contact with their counterparts in other systems of thought . . . suiting them for service in workaday life. A Christian intellectual is all of the above to the glory of God.”
and
“…the true intellectual occasionally sees some things, makes true observations and has insights that few, if any before him have seen or had. If there is any danger in this, it is not in having a one-track mind, but in having a mind with so many tracks that it either arrives at many places at the same time or it never gets out of the station.” (emphasis added)
(from Habits of the Mind: Intellectual Life as a Christian Calling
my Prayer:
Intellectual? That sounds so much better than “I just over think everything,” which we both know I have a tendency to do, Lord. Sometimes my head is filled with so many thoughts and ideas, I can’t focus. Sometimes I weigh alternatives to the point of inaction. So frustrating.
Even so, thank you for my love of reading and learning and thinking. And thank you for my limitations, both real and self-perceived. They keep me grounded and authentic. It’s so easy for education and knowledge to displace my trust in – and dependence on – YOU, especially in times of confusion or when circumstances seem . . . irrational.
Thank you for every day that I wake up with more knowledge and understanding than I had the day before. At the same time, thank you for making it crystal clear to me that – compared to all that is possible to know and understand in this world – I know and understand about as much as can be contained within grain of sand.
Thank you for the intricate details in this world, from the greatest wonders to the tiniest. That you are evident in the awesome beauty of the Grand Canyon as well as in the first breath of a newborn infant is just a peek at your perfect plan and limitless power. Every creation is filled with opportunities for discovery, every problem is an opportunity for ingenuity,
Through your power and grace and mercy, please help me to learn from my mistakes. Please help me to make different and better decisions based on what I’ve learned. Please bless me with insights and ideas and imagination, even if they sometimes overwhelm me. I want all that I am and think and feel to lead me to choices that place me in the center of your will. For your glory.
the Word:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
the lyric:
“With all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all the strength that I can find. Take my time here on this earth and let it glorify all that You are worth. For I am nothing, I am nothing without You “
from Nothing Without You (youtube link) by Bebo Norman
and if you have an extra 3:33 minutes…
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
(Christian brain image from wallpaper4god.com)
Word-Filled Wednesday: Psalms 42:5
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
Psalms 42:4-5
(CLICK HERE to read a short devotion/prayer
that goes with this verse and photo)
Join in Word-Filled Wednesdays hosted by Amydeanne over at The 160 Acre Woods!
tracking the drift.
“These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
Psalms 42:4-5
How does it happen? How do I consistently dedicate daily time with God – for months – YEARS – and then just . . . stop?
I don’t understand it.
But I do. The Bible is full of stories about people forgetting God. Elijah experienced discouragement. So did David. Story after story. My faith is no stronger than theirs.
It seems like it was a “single moment” kinda stop. I think. I’m not sure. Maybe it was gradual. I need clues. My prayer journal is my historical record. When did it happen? Working backwards, I see near daily journal entries for April, and for March 31st. The last entry before that? March 23. I didn’t write in my prayer journal for 7 days. That represents a week without dedicated time with God.
The March 31st entry begins with:
“Lord, I miss my time with you. It’s so easy to get distracted and allow my time and thoughts to be pre-occupied by what I believe to be the “demands” of the day.”
Please draw me back to you. Remind me till I see.“
Then I read the words that reveal I was smack in the middle of a spiritual desert on March 31st:
“Please bless me with an overwhelming awareness of your presence in my life, not in an abstract, general way, but in an intimate, detailed way. Help me to be aware – to STAY aware of you. Please don’t let me find myself going through the motions, doing what comes “next” without considering whether it should be done at all.
Please reach into my heart, past all the barriers and bring me back into intimate fellowship with you . . . Lord I miss the joy and peace I experience when I’m in close fellowship with you. I miss the recognition of you working in my life . . . Please encourage me today, please jolt me into a place of desperate desire for time with you, for the saturation of your Spirit in my every moment.“
The next day, April 1st, I took my first step back. I’m still finding my way, so I’m not ready to explore that part of my journey quite yet. I’m looking for a trigger. Wondering what I need to address before I can get completely clear of this desert. How did I get here?
Realistic or not, I’m also trying to avoid the next desert trip. I’m compelled to try and figure out what to do differently next time. Because I’m not so arrogant as to claim there won’t be a next time. I’ve still got one foot buried in the sand as it is.
What was I praying about in the days before I took a nose dive into a spiritual abyss? Or, as evidenced by the gaps in my prayer journal, what was I NOT praying about?
I have no idea if I’m going to be able to track back to a trigger. I’ve got some journal reading to do. I’m starting with March 23rd and working my way backwards.
Prayer in distress dredges the soul. It is a good thing to keep a note
of the things you prayed about when you were in distress. We remain ignorant
of ourselves because we do not keep a spiritual autobiography.
Oswald Chambers: The Best from All His Books
Oswald Chambers
two minutes with God: 1 Kings 19:10-15
a Quote:
“Sometimes we experience a terrible dryness in our spiritual lives. We feel no desire to pray, don’t experience God’s presence, get bored with worship services, and even think that everything we ever believed about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is little more than a childhood fairy tale.
Then it is important to realize that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. It is a great grace to be able to experience God’s presence in our feelings and thoughts, but when we don’t, it does not mean that God is absent. It often means that God is calling us to a greater faithfulness. It is precisely in times of spiritual dryness that we must hold on to our spiritual discipline so that we can grow into new intimacy with God.” (emphasis added)
(from Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith
The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life
my Prayer:
Lord, I’m going to keep listening for your voice even when I think I can’t hear you.
I’m going to keep looking for you even when I think I can’t find you.
I’m going to keep talking to you even when I think I’m not making sense.
I’m going to keep reading your word even when I think I don’t understand it.
I’m going to keep serving you even when I’m not sure I’m doing any good at all.
I’m going to keep singing to you, knowing you can hear both my words and my heart.
Lord, I know these thoughts and feelings are lies. I’m so thankful that my faith isn’t grounded in them because they are temporary. You are eternal. And you are here with me, whether I can sense your presence or not. Thank you for that knowledge, it’s my rock.
the Word:
“He [Elijah] replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram.”
1 Kings 19:14-15(NAS)
My Paraphrase:
Elijah: “wah, wah, wah, I just witnessed your unlimited power, but now I’m sad and I feel alone.”
God: “I am HERE. Why are you still here?”
Elijah: “wah, wah, wah, I just witnessed your unlimited power, but now I’m sad and I feel alone.”
God: “Go. You have work to do, and whining isn’t on your to-do list.”
1 Kings 19:10-15(NAS)
the lyric:
“This is my prayer in the desert, when all that’s within me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides…I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here.”
from Desert Song by Hillsong
“Come Holy One, awaken me, to your design, from my sleep.”
from Your Name by Curtis Froisland
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Deuteronomy 16:17
a Quote:
“…understanding ownership was half of my lesson. If God was the owner, I was the manager. I needed to adopt a steward’s mentality toward the assets He had entrusted – not given – to me.
A steward manages assets for the owner’s benefit. The steward carries no sense of entitlement to the assets he manages. It’s his job to find out what the owner wants done with his assets, then carry out his will.”
(from The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving by Randy Alcorn)
my Prayer:
Lord, scheduling tithe checks on bill pay is some serious fun! Thank you for the joy we feel in this obedience. THANK YOU for the provision of my husband’s bonus and THANK YOU for the opportunity to give even more than we normally do. The feeling that comes from giving back some of the money you’ve entrusted to us is like an adrenaline high! Thank you that we never regret it or begrudge it. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to serve you this way. We pray that we’ve interpreted your will correctly and sent your money where you wanted it to go. We pray that you will abundantly bless the efforts of those to whom you have sent it and we trust you to work all things for your good and your glory.
Our continuous prayer is that you help us to be good stewards of everything you entrust to us and to help us achieve our goal of becoming debt-free. Thank you for this answer to our prayer. Thank you for providing a means for more debt reduction. We profoundly understand what a blessing this job is and even more the blessing of this bonus. Thank you, Lord.
the Word:
“Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.”
Deuteronomy 16:17 (NAS)
the lyric:
“Rich or poor God I want You more, than anything that glitters in this world. Be my all, all consuming fire.
You can have all my hands can hold, my heart, mind, strength and soul, Be my all, all consuming fire.
All we need, all we need, all we need is You.”
from All We Need (youtube link) by Charlie Hall 
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Proverbs 27:17
a Quote:
“We all need someone in our lives at times to coach us to greater and greater levels of excellence in our chosen areas of pursuit.”
“Come to the edge, He said. They said, We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They came. He pushed them . . . and they flew.” Guillaume Apollinaire
(from The Aladdin Factor
my Prayer:
Lord, please lead me to anyone who can honestly and objectively guide me to greater levels of excellence in my pursuits to nurture my family, serve in ministry and achieve competence in my career. Please help me to discern and listen to the voices that come from you and to discard the lies Satan tries to tell me in an effort to throw me off your path for my life. If you would strike Satan mute, that would be perfect, Lord. (sigh) But I know that’s not how you work, so please bless me with discernment.
Thank you for the determination to work harder when I come face to face with the reality that I’m not as good at something as I think I am. Please Lord, help me to acknowledge my strengths and to remember that when I discount them, I discount your blessings in my life. Please help me to be satisfied with my work when I do well, instead of constantly critiquing myself.
the Word:
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Proverbts 27:17 (NIV)
the lyric.
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, ‘Do not be afraid!’ The voice of truth says, ‘This is for My glory.’ Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”
Voice of Truth (youtube link) by Casting Crowns
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
best. recording. session. EVAH!
I had a recording session tonight to record my interpretation of Jesus Messiah. I sang it twice through and stopped to ask a question:
“How much reverb’s in the headphones? I need to turn it down a little because I really need to hear the truth so I can tell what I need to work on.”
crickets.
And then someone said: “There’s no reverb in the headphones, we didn’t add it yet.”
I was speechless. (I know. me. speechless. I can’t believe it myself.)
After a few seconds of what I’m sure was a completely dumbfounded look on my face, I said: “no. WAY!”
yes way.
God is so good! I should NOT have been able to sing at all tonight. I’m exhausted and on the mend from a sinus infection. I have four more days of antibiotics. I stayed up till 4am on Wednesday night, got up at 6:30am and went to bed after 11pm last night, getting up at 6:45 this morning. I taught three classes this week, talking for hours at a time on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I should sound like Carol Channing right now.
As tired as I was and with a lot on my to-do list, I didn’t go back to bed this morning after I drove the kids to school. After such an exhausting few days, the first thing I needed to do was to sit down on my loveseat with my coffee, my Bible and my prayer journal. Afterward, I decided to type up part of my prayer and write a “two minutes with God” devotional.
If you read any of these devotionals, you know they consist of four parts:
a quote (from one of the many books I’m in the middle of reading)
my prayer (often an excerpt from my prayer journal for that day)
the Word (a bible verse)
the lyric (song lyrics)
I believe the Holy Spirit led me to write this particular devotional but I didn’t figure it out until the end. I’m so glad I yielded or I would have missed the blessings. (CLICK HERE to read the prayer and how God answered it and skip how the Holy Spirit led me to post it on the internet in the first place)
So I typed up the excerpt from my prayer journal and thought, okay, I need a Bible verse to go with it. I turned to the book I was going to quote and the author had referenced a few verses near the text I was going to quote. I immediately chose 2nd Corinthians 3:4-5 (“Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. “) and typed it into the devotional template.
Next I needed a lyric and immediately, the song “Like Incense” came to mind, so I pulled up youtube and left it playing while I copied and pasted the share link, grabbed the Amazon link and Googled the lyrics to copy the verse and chorus I wanted to include: “Because You gladly lean to lead the humble, I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride. Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You. Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You.”
Next, I turned to the quote. I was just about to type it in the blog draft when I realized it didn’t fit with the prayer I had typed. Neither did the Bible verse or the lyric. They all went with my prayer from that morning, just not the part that I had typed up in the devotion draft. The part of my prayer that I had intuitively built a devotion around was still in my journal.
I don’t always listen when God tells me to do something, but I definitely got the message. So I saved the draft of the prayer I had already typed up and replaced it with the prayer that fit with the Word, lyric and quote I had unconsciously put together. I originally didn’t use that part of this morning’s journal entry because it was so unique to me, I couldn’t see how anyone else other than me would get anything from it. Maybe so, but I believe I was led to the quote, the lyric and the verse by the Holy Spirit so, as much as I thought the prayer was all about me, I posted it anyway.
Tonight, at the session, all three parts of that prayer were answered. Here it is again, in case you missed it:
Lord, as I go into the studio to record tonight, please bless me with your interpretation of Jesus Messiah. Please help me to sing it the way you want to hear it. Please lead me to put harmony where you find it beautiful. Please show me how to make the song pleasing to your ears, not my own.
The session started late and the first half hour was filled with technical problems. I quickly realized there wasn’t going to be enough time to put in all the vocals I wanted to include. I had to leave out the lowest harmony and a soft bridge under the third chorus. The guys asked me about it and I said, “I don’t know if ya’ll are Christian, but this is an answer to my prayer today. I asked God to make this song something he wanted to hear, not what I wanted to sing, so I figure that’s what he’s doing.”
Please bless my voice and tonight, through your Holy Spirit, please remove the limitations I’m experiencing because I’ve been sick this past week. Please equip me for service because without your help, my voice is even more inadequate than it usually is.
I thought I had too much reverb on my voice and there was NONE? seriously? I still can’t believe it. And I usually have to fix lots of little spots in multiple takes. They call it “cutting in” and it’s when they replace a word or a line in one of the takes. Usually it’s more than a few fixes per take. I don’t remember doing any tonight. I had to have done some. I think. And I recorded at least four takes of each vocal and my voice didn’t give out. NO cracking. No breaking. No sharps or flats. There’s no way I did that on my own. I was equipped for service by the Holy Spirit tonight.
Please bless the studio session and make me aware of any opportunity to be used by you. Please make me sensitive to the individual needs of those who are there. I don’t know them Lord, but you do. I want to be available for your service, no matter that I’m there to get something done – for myself. Please help me to see with your eyes, my vision is weak and self-focused.
I always pray for the people who will be at the recording session. Tonight there were 8 guys. I always introduce myself and ask their names. Then I spend a minute or two on a memory trick to remember their names while they finish getting ready. (Dustin, Chris, Oscar, Joey, John, Jordan, Jericho and one other “J” name I’m ashamed to admit I did forget) I try to interact with them individually as much as I can even though I’m behind glass most of the time. And I always thank them by name if I get the chance. I was blessed tonight. They were a great group, very involved and gave lots of thoughtful feedback. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, as he was leaving, Jordan said “thank you. I really needed the encouragement tonight.”
Thank you Lord for letting me serve you tonight.
read the Bible ALL BY MYSELF?
I don’t really read the Bible all by myself very often. I read the Bible, most definitely, but I almost always bring another author (or two. or three. or four.) along with me.
Last night, I was discussing this fact with my husband.
Me: “I just don’t get it by myself.”
FirstHusband: “I find that hard to believe.”
Me: “Seriously. I’ll read the Bible, and I’ll get some of what I read, but then I read something someone wrote about what I’ve read and I’ll think, ‘ohhhh! yeah! I missed that!’ or ‘huh. I never considered that.’”
When I read the Bible without reading any other book or commentary, I always feel like there’s MORE, if I could just find it . . . so I go looking for it. Matthew Henry’s commentaries have always been a go-to for me. Lewis, Chambers, Yancey, Nouwin and an unending list of authors like Bruce Wilkinson, Garry Friesen, Bill Hybels, Lee Strobel, John Ortberg, Andy Stanley, Gordan McDonald, John Piper, Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer . . . all these authors have prompted me to look at scripture more closely than I would have on my own. To find more meaning than I was able to find on my own.
What’s wrong with that? It’s like I’m part of a big ol’ reading group with all these thinkers, who just so happened to write down what they were thinking. We’re all reading the Bible, regardless of when or where we live(d), and we’re having a discussion about what we’re reading. And ya know THEY’RE quoting authors they read while they were formulating their thoughts.
It’s not like I don’t bring something to the table too. Often I come away with thoughts derived from a combination of what I read in the Bible, what I read in a book and what I believe the Holy Spirit revealed to me during my prayer time.
I just don’t like to go at it alone. I. want. MORE.
So am I saying the Bible isn’t enough for me?
FirstHusband has challenged me to stretch – outside my comfort zone – and read JUST the Bible. He suggested I read Nehemiah.
I immediately replied, “That’s what Visioneering by Andy Stanley is about! The entire book centers around Nehemiah and how his vision relates to us toda…”
FirstHusband was shaking his head. “No. don’t do it. Don’t read Visioneering. Just read Nehemiah.”
Me: “All by itself?”
Him: “Yes. You said you wanted to stretch yourself. So stretch.”
Me, with underwhelming enthusiasm: “fine.”
two minutes with God: 1 Samuel 14:8-10
a Quote:
“Is it possible you have been fleecing your divine moments rather than seizing them? That you’ve said to God, “I’m not doing anything, risking anything, or going anywhere until You give me a sign? Have you chosen to live in safety, comfort and convenience, justifying this lifestyle because God hasn’t called you to a different life? Is your justification for living a low-risk life the absence of a sign to live differently?”
Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment
by Erwin Raphael McManus
my Prayer:
Lord, please help me to remember that striving to step out into a new ministry doesn’t mean I have to abandon my current work. I can use the time you’ve given me more efficiently, I can change what I do with my discretionary time, deciding against the pointless idleness that masquerades as rest and pursuing my passion instead.
Please help me to choose activities during rest that are truly restorative, not mind-numbing and time-sucking.
Please help me say no to the lesser things to make room for the greater things, even when those lesser things seem “good.” Please help me to be a better steward of my time and resources.
Please help me to make wise financial decisions so I can use the revenue from my current work to support my ministry. Lord please illuminate my next step as I navigate the unknown future. Please prompt me to TAKE a step instead of letting my feet grow roots from indecision and fear.
the Word:
Jonathan said, “Come on, then; we will cross over toward them and let them see us. If they say to us, ‘Wait there until we come to you,’ we will stay where we are and not go up to them. But if they say, ‘Come up to us,’ we will climb up, because that will be our sign that the LORD has given them into our hands.”
1 Samuel 14:8-10(NIV)
the lyric.
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?
Our God
by Chris Tomlin
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Romans 8:37-39
a Quote:
“. . . somehow he [Paul] had the faith to believe that these “things” – surely not good in themselves – could nevertheless be used by God to accomplish good.
Confidence like that can go a long way towards solving discouragement over a ministry that never quite works out in the way we wish.”
Grace Notes: Daily Readings with a Fellow Pilgrim
Church: Why Bother?
by Philip Yancey
my Prayer:
Lord, help me to see through your eyes. Through your perspective. I struggle with myopic vision every. single. day. Please help me to see objectively and to remember that you can do anything, without limitation.
Please help me to remember that when you ask me to put my weight against a boulder, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed if I don’t move it even one inch. It may be that Your will is for me to hold it steady, which from my point of view feels and looks like inaction. Please help me to be content in my obedience even when you don’t allow me to see the results of that obedience. Please help me to remember that you can take any offering I bring – no matter how flawed or weak or small – and use it to accomplish your purposes.
the Word:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)
the lyric.
“And this is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on it’s way. I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, so firm on His promise I’ll stand.”
Desert Song
by Hillsong United (Live)
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Psalm 103:7-12
a Quote:
“Over the years Moses has learned something so sweet and strange and mysterious that only one word can begin to capture it: grace, God’s free, undeserved gift. He has learned that God loves him despite his failures, with a pure, stubborn, everlasting love. After more than a century of life, Moses has given up trying to figure out what God sees in him. Or sees in the rest of the Hebrews for that matter. He just accepts it and gives thanks.”
The Bible Jesus Read
by Philip Yancey
my Prayer:
Lord, thank you for Your grace. Thank you for showing me a small glimpse of Your unconditional love through the blessing of my children. My gratitude overwhelms me and I’m compelled to respond in the only ways I know how: Through praise and service and faithful stewardship of these and all the undeserved gifts you’ve given me.
Thank you for the joy of praise. Please equip me for Your service and illuminate the next step you want me to take. And please Lord, help me to be consistent as I strive to be a good steward; with my finances, the use of my time and talents, the nurturing of my family and most of all, my relationship with You.
the Word:
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:7-12 (NIV)
the lyric.
“I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west, and I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned”
East to West
by Casting Crowns
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Proverbs 25:11
a Quote:
“You are a guardian of the human spirit. You have the power to manipulate and coerce if you want to. You can avoid and ignore if you choose. But can also ennoble and inspire. You can lift up and appeal to all that is good and honorable and holy. You can remind fallible and finite people around you that they hold their lives and calling as a sacred trust, that their best efforts matter, that their worst failures will be one day redeemed.”
Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them
by John Ortberg
my Prayer:
Lord, please allow me to deliver messages of truth from you. Please send me to lift up those who are being discouraged and lied to by the enemy. Please use me right where I am to trample those lies. I pray for discernment so that I will be confident in the prompting of your Holy Spirit. Please equip me for this service and bless my intentions by keeping me out of your way. I pray not only for opportunities to deliver your messages, but I pray that I will get the messages right and not contaminate them by my own finite reasoning and self-focused will.
Lord, please bring faith-filled encouragers into my own life when I falter and get confused, sidetracked or paralyzed for fear of taking steps outside your will.
the Word:
The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl.
Proverbs 25:11 (NCV)
the lyric.
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!” The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory” Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”
The Voice of Truth
by Casting Crowns
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: 1 Corinthians 2:1-4
(changing from “one minute” to “two minutes.” A little more realistic.)
a Quote:
“. . . joining the church is supposed to make us automatically god-centered and not self-centered people. Consequently, our modern church is filled with many people who look pure, sound pure, and are inwardly sick of themselves, their weaknesses, their frustration, and the lack of reality around them in church. Our non-Christian friends feel either ‘that bunch of nice untroubled people would never understand my problems’ or the more perceptive pagans who know us socially or professionally feel that we Christians are either grossly protected and ignorant about the human situation or are out-and-out hypocrites who will not confess the sins and weaknesses our pagan friends know intuitively to be universal.
. . . by recognizing that all our efforts and enterprises both in and out of the church are tainted to the core with self-centered desires for recognition, power or social acceptance, we can come to God . . . in honest confession and acceptance of His perception and power . . .
The Taste of New Wine
by Keith Miller
my Prayer: Lord, please help me to be humble and authentic, especially in the church. It would be so easy to only allow part of me to be seen by the members of the body of Christ. To allow the few moments I stand on stage every week and sing praises to you to be seen as defining moments of my relationship with you. It would be so easy to allow people to believe that I am aware of your Holy Spirit much more than I really am. But I know how quickly I forget you – time and time again. I know how many times I come back to you, just in the course of one single day. Please, Lord, help me to remember that the church is filled with people who come seeking and striving, not with people who are “done and saved.”
Please help me to serve you – right where I am. Please help me to encourage your saints through humble service, authentic transparency and an awareness that the people right in front of me need you just as much as the people I encounter outside the church.
the Word:
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.
1 Corinthians 2:1-4(NIV)
the lyric.
“Take my voice and pour it out. Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found, for I have nothing, I have nothing without You . . . So all the world will see, that I have nothing without You
Nothing Without You
by Bebo Norman
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Proverbs 2:2-3,8-9
a Quote:
“And just like Abraham, we may not know where we are going or what the journey may bring, but we do know that God is with us. He is permitting our self-determining actions, guiding the events and circumstances around us in order to woo us in choosing His ways. God is also active in overruling us when we’re completely out of line or when our poor choices need to be made good by His divine intervention. The choice is now ours: are we going to keep searching for a hidden will, or are we willing to do what we already know we should do, and then step out in faith?
Direction: Discernment for the Decisions of Your Life
by Cheri Cowell
my Prayer:
Lord, just when I think I’ve figured out what I’m supposed to be doing, I hit a roadblock that fills me with doubt. Is this problem I can’t solve just a problem I can’t solve TODAY? Is this one of those times where you will be glorified because you will accomplish something beyond my limited abilities? If I can’t solve the problem, but I’m supposed to move forward anyway, how do I do it? Who do I do it with? Do I know them already? Will you bring someone new into my life to help me accomplish your will? Is this the right time? Or is this obstacle a sign that the timing is not right? Are you teaching me patience? Again? Is this the closed door I pray for as I beg you to block my way when I start to veer off course in my effort to follow your will for my life?
I pray so often for your guidance and I commit to taking action and moving forward while at the same time, I plead with you to do something – ANYthing to prevent me from being unintentionally disobedient by blocking my way when I act out of self focused, short sighted motivation instead of focusing completely on you and your will. Do you want me to follow you around this roadblock? Or stop and go another direction?
the Word:
. . . turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding . . . for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path.
Proverbs 2:2-3, 8-9 (NIV)
the lyric.
“Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee. Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King. Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee. Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it’s all for Thee.”
Take My Life
by Chris Tomlin
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
Welcome! If you have time, peruse my topics & my “little known facts” page to see if we have anything in common, or find out what I do for fun & work by viewing my singing and speaking samples.
Feel free to steal my ideas, ponder my musings, disagree with my rants, jump on my bandwagon, read my favorite books, comment, email me, or just lurk. Whatever works for you.
Most Recent 10- everything matters.
- fragments of a Mother’s Day weekend.
- the foundation of my work ethic. “Would you like fries with that?”
- I don’t want to sing a solo.
- “Discovery Day” is right.
- Jesus said turn the other cheek. He didn’t say I had to stand within smack radius.
- Mythbusters question: Who packs a car better, a man or a woman?
- you see the big hat too . . . right?
- I’m going to stop being discouraged and be awesome instead. True Story.
- five minutes of crazy.
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Fitness Log: May
May Totals as of 5/21
HIIT Incline Miles: 4.5
HIIT Incline Minutes: 90
Strength Training/Yoga Days: 1
2 Min., 10 Sec. Planks: 3
Days Supplements Taken: 2
Fruit Servings: 2-
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