conversations with myself.
(Some of you know I’m writing a book. Most recently I’ve been focused on accountability. Don’t know how much will make it through final edits, but today, this is what came out of my memory and my fingertips. Note: (1) This was many YEARS ago. (2) I do NOT really talk to myself like this. That would be crazy.)
I have a collection of coffee mugs that completely fills the kitchen cabinet I’ve designated as the “coffee mug cabinet.” So far, when I get a new mug, I’ve been successful in getting rid of an old one so the coffee mug cabinet stays full, but doesn’t overflow into another one.
I also have a collection of CHRISTMAS coffee mugs that completely fills the same cabinet.
You see my problem.
When I first started collecting coffee mugs, I didn’t pay attention to how much space they took up. I saw a coffee mug I liked and I bought it. Eventually I got to the point where all the mugs didn’t fit into the space, so I started packing up the Christmas mugs and storing them in the attic, only taking them down during the month of December.
In December, my cabinet overflowed.
Then a few years ago, I had a long overdue epiphany. When I UNpacked the Christmas mugs, I PACKED the everyday mugs in the same box and instead of putting an empty mug box back into the attic for the month of December, I put a full mug box into the attic.
There’s a lesson here. Just in time for the chaos of the Christmas season.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it until I’m dead:
You CAN have it all, you just can’t have it all AT THE SAME TIME.
Choose.
Choose on PURPOSE.
Everyone knows someone who’s schedule is overloaded. Someone who has said “yes” to too many things. Someone who tries to do so many things, they do none of them well. Someone who is a job hog. You may even BE one of those people.
I used to be one of those people, until I had a long, honest, humbling talk with myself:
FedUpMe: “What is your problem? WHY do you keep doing this?
MartyrMe: “what?”
FedUpMe: “WHY do you keep saying yes to everything?”
MartyrMe: “Well, they asked me. They NEED me.”
FedUpMe: “They need you. They need you? Are you sure you don’t need them to need you?”
MartyrMe: “Of course not! I’m doing all this out of the goodness of my heart. Because I’m a good person and I want to help.”
FedUpMe: “and you get nothing out of it.”
MartyrMe: “NO! Most of the time people don’t even appreciate all I do for them.”
FedUpMe: “Of course they don’t. Nobody appreciates a half-%&# job.”
MartyrMe: “I do NOT do a half-%&# job!!! I work my butt off! Look at my schedule! I don’t have ANY time for myself! EVERYthing I do is for other people. I don’t even have time to work out! I run on coffee!”
FedUpMe: “This is me you’re talking to.”
MartyrMe: “But…”
FedUpMe: “Save it. You’re not selling that load here. Look at everything you do. You don’t get anything out of it personally? How many of these things you’ve committed to come with lots of people telling you how great you are? How many times do you tell people about all the stuff you do so they’ll tell you how great you are? (mocking voice) ‘Oh, I just don’t know how you do it all!’”
MartyrMe: “I can’t just quit. There’s nobody else to do it.”
FedUpMe: “Are you really that arrogant?”
MartyrMe: “If I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done.”
FedUpMe: “Are you sure about that? Are you SURE that you’re not hogging a job someone else wants? A job someone is just WAITING for you to give up so they can have a shot at it? A job you really aren’t suited for? Are you afraid someone else might do it better? Because I’ll tell you now, they probably could. Because you do a half-%&# job.”
MartyrMe: “shut up. I do NOT do a half-%&# job. I’m doing my best.”
FedUpMe: “You did not just say that. (pregnant pause) What is your favorite Churchill quote?”
MartyrMe: “shutup.”
FedUpMe: “It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.”
silence. brooding. arrogant brooding.
MartyrMe: “I never liked you.”
FedUpMe: “There are a lot of people who don’t like me. And yet I’m still breathing.”
MartyrMe: “You’ve got issues. and you’re bossy.”
FedUpMe: “duh. I’m YOU.”
MartyrMe: “I can’t just quit. I’m already committed.”
FedUpMe: “Yeh, well, you’re gonna be committed if you don’t find some balance in your life. Look. Start by figuring out two things:
First, what’s important to you? What are your goals in life?
Second, what are you good at? What talents has God blessed you with and which ones are you actively developing?
Be brutally honest with yourself, but more importantly, ask other people for feedback and give them permission to tell you the truth. Then you’ll know what to let go of, what to keep in your life and what you need to improve on. If you want to do something and you aren’t very good at it, then GET good at it. Learn. Practice. And don’t forget. There are seasons for things. Just because you want to do something, doesn’t mean you have to do it NOW. You don’t have to do everything at the same time. You CAN’T do everything at the same time. Not well. Rotate your commitments.
Like Christmas coffee mugs.
Like this:
make the hard choices.
Most of the time, when we say we have no choice, we are wrong.
It’s just that the choices may be really, really hard. Radical. Beyond what we can imagine.
Doesn’t mean we don’t have a choice, just that we don’t want to make it.
Like this:
an unextraordinary life.
“Here’s what you do,” said Elisha. “Go up and down the street and borrow jugs and bowls from all your neighbors. And not just a few—all you can get. Then come home and lock the door behind you, you and your sons. Pour oil into each container; when each is full, set it aside.” She did what he said. She locked the door behind her and her sons; as they brought the containers to her, she filled them. When all the jugs and bowls were full, she said to one of her sons, “Another jug, please.” He said, “That’s it. There are no more jugs.” Then the oil stopped.
2 Kings 4:3-6 (The Message)
When I was a little girl, I used to pray for an unextraordinary life.
I thought that blessings were limited and were balanced with tragedy – things I feared. There was this imaginary teeter-totter in my head. All the blessings were piled on one seat while challenges and troubles were precariously stacked on the other. One blessing too much would tip the balance and God would have to step in and even things up.
I figured, if nothing really great happened to me, then nothing really bad would happen to me. So I prayed for a balanced teeter-totter.
It was safe.
Fair.
Kid theology at it’s finest.
I rarely asked for blessings in my life, because in my mind, a blessing would always come with some sort of down side. And the down side wouldn’t always be in my life. If I experienced a blessing, I was always looking for where God would even it up. Who would get the trial? Would it be me? One of my parents? My siblings? Friends?
And there were degrees of blessings and trials. If I got to go to Disney World, some kid out there didn’t – because they came down with strep throat. If my family won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweeptakes? Someone. might. die.
The blessings I already experienced weren’t often recognized. “Normal” life was taken for granted. I viewed blessings like prizes. Extraordinary.
Like I said. Kid theology at its finest.
It was a long time coming, but these days, I understand that God’s grace – and his blessings – are unlimited (and that teeter-totters are only good for broken tailbones or a chin full of stitches). When I’ve experienced trials in my life, sure God might have sent them, but it’s just as likely He allowed them. Either way, He’s promised that He will work it all for good. Even when, from my own perspective, it didn’t seem like it was for my good.
Looking back at my life, I can see blessings in what I once thought were just trials. Of course, I don’t see a blessing in every trial, but I still believe God worked it for good. Maybe someone else was blessed as a result of some trial God sent or allowed in my life. That doesn’t mean they got a blessing and God evened up the teeter-totter with me.
I’m acutely aware of the truth behind the idea that we are who we are because of everything we’ve been through. Today, I’m praying that God will use the challenges I’ve lived through – and learned through – to bless someone else. I’m praying that – the relentless and exasperating optimist I am – I can be a source of hope and encouragement to someone who might need it.
Today, I’m not afraid to ask God to bless me in an extraordinary way. I don’t need an abundance of jars so God’s blessing will continue to flow. I need one life, continuously open for Him to fill with blessings. Even if the blessings are sometimes disguised as trials.
“It is our faith that fails, not his promise. He gives above what we ask: were there more vessels, there is enough in God to fill them—enough for all, enough for each. Was not this pot of oil exhausted as long as there were any vessels to be filled from it?”
Matthew Henry
decision time. a loving mother’s straight-arm? or trust in God?
Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”
Genesis 33:5
Every night, when my kids were infants, I would slip quietly into their room and lay my hand on their backs to make sure they were still breathing. Sometimes, when they were fussy and I was afraid my touch would wake them, I would silently position my finger in front of their nose to feel their breath.
Infants. Who am I kidding? I did it for years. I just needed the assurance that they were breathing before I could sleep.
Tell me I’m not the only parent who’s done this.
I realize that my actions had nothing to do with whether or not they took their next breath. I was just checking for my own peace of mind. Laying my hand on their back was not what prevented them from dying of SIDS or some other freakish undetected “one minute they’re breathing and another minute they’re not” disease.
The Lord, in His mercy and grace, allowed my children take each tiny breath. By His mercy and grace, he still allows them to take their next breath.
Why am I thinking about this now? My kids aren’t at risk for SIDS anymore. My daughter will be 11 years old this year. My son just turned 16.
16. Two weeks ago, my son got his driver’s license.
And there it is.
Am I ready for this change? Of course not. and YES. YES I AM!
The two weeks before he got his license were particularly challenging chauffeur weeks for me. My daughter had drama camp from 9am to noon every day and my son got a summer job with flexible hours. My husband’s travel and work schedule made me the “go-to” guy with the car keys. I was spending hours and hours each day in FavoriteSon’s car with only 20 to 30 minute breaks in between drop-offs and pick-ups. By Thursday of the 2nd week, I was DREADING the thought of sitting in a vehicle.
Thursday was also the day FavoriteSon got his driver’s license.
Friday morning, I got up and drove PinkGirl to drama camp. I arrived back home about 20 minutes before FavoriteSon had to leave for work.
Decision time. Do I ride shotgun with him, drive home, drive back to pick him up and ride shotgun while he drives home? Or do I let him make the single round trip all by himself?
but…
If I was WITH him he would be safe. If he drove by himself, he might get into an accident.
I know. I KNOW.
What was I going to do? Make him drive to work with my left arm stretched across the driver’s seat to protect him? Because THAT’S effective. Ummm hmmm. A loving mother’s straight-arm. More effective than a seat belt.
Just like a hand on his back.
I let him go. Literally. I didn’t even watch him drive away. Yes, I was ready for the break from driving, but more importantly, I was saturated with the knowledge that my presence in the vehicle with him had nothing to do with his safety. Not anymore. Our instruction and advice over the last year helped to prepare him, as did the two driver education courses he took. He was equipped for the responsibility. The State of Florida confirmed it by giving him legal permission to drive. All. by. himself.
His father and I still have so much more to prepare him for. But this? This we’ve prepared him for. This he’s ready for. Now, just like when he was a baby, his life is in God’s powerful and loving hands.
As hard as it is for me to comprehend, God loves my son more than I do.
Making safety the priority tells our children that we think God is incapable
of doing what He said He would do for His children . . . But when we put our confidence in God’s power
rather than the safety nets we place around our children we find that even children can learn to rely on God’s overwhelming presence to protect them as well as to enable them to flourish in the world system.
Tim Kimmel
Grace-Based Parenting
two minutes with God: Philippians 4:8
a Quote:
“An intellectual is one who loves ideas, is dedicated to clarifying them, developing them, criticizing them, turning them over and over, seeing their implications, stacking them atop one another, arranging them, sitting silent while new ideas pop up and old ones seem to rearrange themselves, playing with them, punning with their terminology, laughing at them, watching them clash, picking up the pieces starting over, judging them, withholding judgment about them, changing them, bringing them into contact with their counterparts in other systems of thought . . . suiting them for service in workaday life. A Christian intellectual is all of the above to the glory of God.”
and
“…the true intellectual occasionally sees some things, makes true observations and has insights that few, if any before him have seen or had. If there is any danger in this, it is not in having a one-track mind, but in having a mind with so many tracks that it either arrives at many places at the same time or it never gets out of the station.” (emphasis added)
(from Habits of the Mind: Intellectual Life as a Christian Calling
my Prayer:
Intellectual? That sounds so much better than “I just over think everything,” which we both know I have a tendency to do, Lord. Sometimes my head is filled with so many thoughts and ideas, I can’t focus. Sometimes I weigh alternatives to the point of inaction. So frustrating.
Even so, thank you for my love of reading and learning and thinking. And thank you for my limitations, both real and self-perceived. They keep me grounded and authentic. It’s so easy for education and knowledge to displace my trust in – and dependence on – YOU, especially in times of confusion or when circumstances seem . . . irrational.
Thank you for every day that I wake up with more knowledge and understanding than I had the day before. At the same time, thank you for making it crystal clear to me that – compared to all that is possible to know and understand in this world – I know and understand about as much as can be contained within grain of sand.
Thank you for the intricate details in this world, from the greatest wonders to the tiniest. That you are evident in the awesome beauty of the Grand Canyon as well as in the first breath of a newborn infant is just a peek at your perfect plan and limitless power. Every creation is filled with opportunities for discovery, every problem is an opportunity for ingenuity,
Through your power and grace and mercy, please help me to learn from my mistakes. Please help me to make different and better decisions based on what I’ve learned. Please bless me with insights and ideas and imagination, even if they sometimes overwhelm me. I want all that I am and think and feel to lead me to choices that place me in the center of your will. For your glory.
the Word:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
the lyric:
“With all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all the strength that I can find. Take my time here on this earth and let it glorify all that You are worth. For I am nothing, I am nothing without You “
from Nothing Without You (youtube link) by Bebo Norman
and if you have an extra 3:33 minutes…
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
(Christian brain image from wallpaper4god.com)
tracking the drift.
“These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
Psalms 42:4-5
How does it happen? How do I consistently dedicate daily time with God – for months – YEARS – and then just . . . stop?
I don’t understand it.
But I do. The Bible is full of stories about people forgetting God. Elijah experienced discouragement. So did David. Story after story. My faith is no stronger than theirs.
It seems like it was a “single moment” kinda stop. I think. I’m not sure. Maybe it was gradual. I need clues. My prayer journal is my historical record. When did it happen? Working backwards, I see near daily journal entries for April, and for March 31st. The last entry before that? March 23. I didn’t write in my prayer journal for 7 days. That represents a week without dedicated time with God.
The March 31st entry begins with:
“Lord, I miss my time with you. It’s so easy to get distracted and allow my time and thoughts to be pre-occupied by what I believe to be the “demands” of the day.”
Please draw me back to you. Remind me till I see.“
Then I read the words that reveal I was smack in the middle of a spiritual desert on March 31st:
“Please bless me with an overwhelming awareness of your presence in my life, not in an abstract, general way, but in an intimate, detailed way. Help me to be aware – to STAY aware of you. Please don’t let me find myself going through the motions, doing what comes “next” without considering whether it should be done at all.
Please reach into my heart, past all the barriers and bring me back into intimate fellowship with you . . . Lord I miss the joy and peace I experience when I’m in close fellowship with you. I miss the recognition of you working in my life . . . Please encourage me today, please jolt me into a place of desperate desire for time with you, for the saturation of your Spirit in my every moment.“
The next day, April 1st, I took my first step back. I’m still finding my way, so I’m not ready to explore that part of my journey quite yet. I’m looking for a trigger. Wondering what I need to address before I can get completely clear of this desert. How did I get here?
Realistic or not, I’m also trying to avoid the next desert trip. I’m compelled to try and figure out what to do differently next time. Because I’m not so arrogant as to claim there won’t be a next time. I’ve still got one foot buried in the sand as it is.
What was I praying about in the days before I took a nose dive into a spiritual abyss? Or, as evidenced by the gaps in my prayer journal, what was I NOT praying about?
I have no idea if I’m going to be able to track back to a trigger. I’ve got some journal reading to do. I’m starting with March 23rd and working my way backwards.
Prayer in distress dredges the soul. It is a good thing to keep a note
of the things you prayed about when you were in distress. We remain ignorant
of ourselves because we do not keep a spiritual autobiography.
Oswald Chambers: The Best from All His Books
Oswald Chambers
two minutes with God: 1 Kings 19:10-15
a Quote:
“Sometimes we experience a terrible dryness in our spiritual lives. We feel no desire to pray, don’t experience God’s presence, get bored with worship services, and even think that everything we ever believed about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is little more than a childhood fairy tale.
Then it is important to realize that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. It is a great grace to be able to experience God’s presence in our feelings and thoughts, but when we don’t, it does not mean that God is absent. It often means that God is calling us to a greater faithfulness. It is precisely in times of spiritual dryness that we must hold on to our spiritual discipline so that we can grow into new intimacy with God.” (emphasis added)
(from Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith
The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life
my Prayer:
Lord, I’m going to keep listening for your voice even when I think I can’t hear you.
I’m going to keep looking for you even when I think I can’t find you.
I’m going to keep talking to you even when I think I’m not making sense.
I’m going to keep reading your word even when I think I don’t understand it.
I’m going to keep serving you even when I’m not sure I’m doing any good at all.
I’m going to keep singing to you, knowing you can hear both my words and my heart.
Lord, I know these thoughts and feelings are lies. I’m so thankful that my faith isn’t grounded in them because they are temporary. You are eternal. And you are here with me, whether I can sense your presence or not. Thank you for that knowledge, it’s my rock.
the Word:
“He [Elijah] replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram.”
1 Kings 19:14-15(NAS)
My Paraphrase:
Elijah: “wah, wah, wah, I just witnessed your unlimited power, but now I’m sad and I feel alone.”
God: “I am HERE. Why are you still here?”
Elijah: “wah, wah, wah, I just witnessed your unlimited power, but now I’m sad and I feel alone.”
God: “Go. You have work to do, and whining isn’t on your to-do list.”
1 Kings 19:10-15(NAS)
the lyric:
“This is my prayer in the desert, when all that’s within me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides…I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here.”
from Desert Song by Hillsong
“Come Holy One, awaken me, to your design, from my sleep.”
from Your Name by Curtis Froisland
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Deuteronomy 16:17
a Quote:
“…understanding ownership was half of my lesson. If God was the owner, I was the manager. I needed to adopt a steward’s mentality toward the assets He had entrusted – not given – to me.
A steward manages assets for the owner’s benefit. The steward carries no sense of entitlement to the assets he manages. It’s his job to find out what the owner wants done with his assets, then carry out his will.”
(from The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving by Randy Alcorn)
my Prayer:
Lord, scheduling tithe checks on bill pay is some serious fun! Thank you for the joy we feel in this obedience. THANK YOU for the provision of my husband’s bonus and THANK YOU for the opportunity to give even more than we normally do. The feeling that comes from giving back some of the money you’ve entrusted to us is like an adrenaline high! Thank you that we never regret it or begrudge it. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to serve you this way. We pray that we’ve interpreted your will correctly and sent your money where you wanted it to go. We pray that you will abundantly bless the efforts of those to whom you have sent it and we trust you to work all things for your good and your glory.
Our continuous prayer is that you help us to be good stewards of everything you entrust to us and to help us achieve our goal of becoming debt-free. Thank you for this answer to our prayer. Thank you for providing a means for more debt reduction. We profoundly understand what a blessing this job is and even more the blessing of this bonus. Thank you, Lord.
the Word:
“Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.”
Deuteronomy 16:17 (NAS)
the lyric:
“Rich or poor God I want You more, than anything that glitters in this world. Be my all, all consuming fire.
You can have all my hands can hold, my heart, mind, strength and soul, Be my all, all consuming fire.
All we need, all we need, all we need is You.”
from All We Need (youtube link) by Charlie Hall 
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
penalties or rewards, pleasure or pain.
“Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure…
Why don’t you do some of the things you know you should do? After all, what is procrastination? It’s when you know you should do something, but you still don’t do it. Why not? The answer is simple: at some level you believe that taking action in this moment would be more painful than just putting it off…
Why is it that people can experience pain yet fail to change? They haven’t experienced enough pain yet…hit a level of pain you weren’t willing to settle for anymore. We’ve all experienced those times in our lives when we’ve said, I’ve had it – never again – this must change now. This is the magical moment when pain becomes our friend. It drives us to take new action and produce new results.”
Awaken the Giant Within : How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny!
by Anthony Robbins
I hope that the negative consequences I just experienced will be motivating enough for me to never repeat the circumstances that led to them.
I skipped working out yesterday. According to my freakish self-commitment to be a good steward of this body God has blessed me with – which I was foolish smart enough to document on the internet – I had to make up what I skipped. Thank GOD I only skipped one day. I had to do double work today. If I had missed two days…
What happened yesterday that prevented me from working out?
nothing.
I have no excuse. I just procrastinated and then I got distracted and then I rationalized that I would just make it up tomorrow.
I should not have listened to me. I really, really hope I remember how difficult it is to do TWO 2 minute forearm planks, TWO 1 minute supermans and FORTY Bosu push-ups.
I’m going out of town with PinkGirl to chaperon a field trip on Thursday and Friday. Excuse me while I have a little talk with myself:
“Julie. There is absolutely NO reason you can’t do your plank, superman and regular push-ups on Thursday and Friday. Do you feel your arms right now? Do you really want to go through this again on Saturday? Do NOT wimp out. You WILL regret it if you do. It’s LESS than FIVE minutes a day, for cryin out loud! Don’t be a whiny butt. Just suck it up and get it DONE.”
That said, here’s where I am with regard to my fitness goals for the month of March:
8 two minute forearm planks (caught up)
8 one minute supermans (caught up)
130 BOSU push-ups (doubled my daily goal after 3 days, need to catch up to 160)
17.7 miles walked. (To meet my average of 2.3 per day, I should be at 18.4. Got some catching up to do – and I should try to get a head start on making up Thursday and Friday because I can’t leave my post as chaperon to get my walking in. I’ll try to remember to wear a pedometer during the day as we do field trip stuff)
How are you doing with YOUR fitness goals? If you’re a beginner, I’m challenging you to exercise for only ONE minute per day this month. In April, I’ll tell you why I’m saying only ONE minute.
I’m blogging my daily fitness updates in my exercise log, and posting my daily progress on my Facebook page and my Twitter account, so follow along any way you like:
1. Subscribe to the blog via email or RSS (there are widgets in the sidebar to subscribe)
2. “Like” my Facebook page to see the updates in your news feed or
3. Follow me on Twitter!
I would LOVE it if you would join me in fitness accountability by commenting and letting me know your progress too!
as Ernest would say: “ewwwww.”
I’ve been trying to write. I don’t mean blog, I mean write. Why is there such a significant difference? Blogging is easy.
Writing is paralyzing.
I’ve written and re-written a book outline no less than 10 times in the last two weeks and yesterday, with a rare day to myself, I took my husband’s advice and “just started writing already.”
I wrote 3367 words (6 and a half single spaced pages) and let me just say:
ewww.
When I was finished, reading it over, all I could think was “Who would EVER want to read THIS?”
not good. I was back to paralyzed.
So today, while avoiding writing altogether, I found myself in Goodwill, with my head tipped to my right shoulder, perusing book titles.
(ya know how your mother used to say if you made a certain face it was gonna stick that way? Well I’m waiting for my head to stick that way, as much as I book shop.)
Then a book title jumped out at me: “If You Can Talk You Can Write
People, I can talk.
I glanced at the back and the first bulleted description read:
“Conquer the Killer Ps – Perfectionism, Paralysis and Procrastination”
I put the book in my basket immediately.
I couldn’t wait to get home. I’m anxious for the cure, the quick fix this book is sure to provide. (What? My expectations are too high? Unrealistic?) The boys are at a track meet somewhere about an hour and a half away, PinkGirl is singing in the shower at the top of her lungs and I cop a squat (I have such a way with words, it’s hard to believe I’m having trouble writing) on the back porch with my new book and a cup of coffee. Will I identify with this author? Can he help me? Let’s see:
“For some reason, everyone thinks, ‘I should know how to write.’ No one thinks, ‘I should know how to play the piano.’ But when it comes to writing, ‘I should know how to do it.’
What if I told you a story about a man who buys a piano, sits down to play for the very first time and is shocked when he doesn’t sound like Arthur Rubinstein?
‘I don’t understand,’ he complains, ‘I’ve listened to lots of music, I should know how to play the piano.’
Ridiculous you say? Yet there you are: Banging away at the typewriter, you’re mortified when your work isn’t as good as Ernest Hemingway’s. Hell, it isn’t even as good as Ernest Goes to Camp.”
that was unexpected. I actually laughed out loud.
Not as good as Ernest Goes to Camp. yes, I do believe I can identify with this author.
I’m also having lunch with my friend – a professional writer – tomorrow so I can beg her to cure my paralysis for some insight and advice.
therefore I quote: John Grisham
(It’s been a loooong time since I’ve published a “therefore I quote” post, I almost forgot the format…)
I read, therefore I quote: John Grisham.
I don’t read much fiction, but one fiction writer I usually try to keep up with is Grisham. (It must be all these years working with attorneys.) Somehow, I missed reading “The Last Juror
I love the way Grisham’s faith is evidenced as he describes the scene in which the main character, a small town newspaper editor named Willie Traynor, has been invited to lunch at the home of a Christian southern black woman:
“I sat across from her and was ready to yank off the lids and dive headfirst into whatever I found when she took both my hands and lowered her head. She began to pray.
It would be a lengthy prayer. She thanked the Lord for everything good, including me, “her new friend.” She prayed for those who were sick and those who might become so. She prayed for rain and sun and health and humility and patience, and though I began to worry about the food getting cold, I was mesmerized by her voice. Her cadence was slow, with thought given to each word. her diction was perfect, every consonant treated equally, every comma and period honored. I had to peek to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I had never heard such speech from a Southern black, or a Southern white for that matter.
I peeked again. She was talking to her Lord, and her face was perfectly content. For a few seconds, I actually forgot about the food. She squeezed my hands as she petitioned the Almighty with eloquence that came only from years of practice. She quoted Scripture, the King James Version for sure, and it was a bit odd to hear hear use words like “thou” and “thine” and “whither” and “goest.” But she knew precisely what she was doing. In the clutches of this very holy woman, I had never felt closer to God.
I’ve been repeatedly struck by the ease with which Mr. Grisham continuously incorporated his faith into the pages of this book and how succinctly he presented the gospel in a non-threatening and way. The path to Christ is clearly and fully laid out – by an educated, well liked, open-minded character who objectively considers the beliefs and doctrines of multiple factions of the Christian faith. Willie forms opinions about faith, religion, Christians and non-Christians. He agrees and disagrees with some aspects of each and allows himself to question and doubt. It’s been a springboard for my own opinions, questions and doubts and I realize I haven’t censored myself with subconscious self-judgment.
I know I’m late to the party because this book was published in 2004, but I’m praying that the Christians who read this book will be encouraged and strengthened in their faith and that Holy Spirit will use this book to draw non-Christians closer to a saving faith in Christ.
“. . . therefore I quote” If you have a quote to share from something you’ve read recently, feel free to comment and/or include a link to your own “quote” post.
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two minutes with God: Proverbs 27:17
a Quote:
“We all need someone in our lives at times to coach us to greater and greater levels of excellence in our chosen areas of pursuit.”
“Come to the edge, He said. They said, We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They came. He pushed them . . . and they flew.” Guillaume Apollinaire
(from The Aladdin Factor
my Prayer:
Lord, please lead me to anyone who can honestly and objectively guide me to greater levels of excellence in my pursuits to nurture my family, serve in ministry and achieve competence in my career. Please help me to discern and listen to the voices that come from you and to discard the lies Satan tries to tell me in an effort to throw me off your path for my life. If you would strike Satan mute, that would be perfect, Lord. (sigh) But I know that’s not how you work, so please bless me with discernment.
Thank you for the determination to work harder when I come face to face with the reality that I’m not as good at something as I think I am. Please Lord, help me to acknowledge my strengths and to remember that when I discount them, I discount your blessings in my life. Please help me to be satisfied with my work when I do well, instead of constantly critiquing myself.
the Word:
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Proverbts 27:17 (NIV)
the lyric.
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, ‘Do not be afraid!’ The voice of truth says, ‘This is for My glory.’ Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”
Voice of Truth (youtube link) by Casting Crowns
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
“the man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants.”
Isn’t is cute how men think they’re in charge?
Now ladies, wield this power responsibly. Don’t take advantage.
Need a few more chuckles today? Check out Friday Funnies hosted by Homesteaders Heart!
If you’ve got time to hang out for a few minutes, check out what else makes me laugh: Pragmatic Compendium’s “laugh!” category.
let go of your darlings, John Piper
I watched a replay of John Piper’s message at Passion 2011 last week and he began by saying that he wanted to clarify a question he frequently asks:
“Do you feel more loved by God because he makes much of you? Or because He, through Christ, enables you to enjoy making much of Him forever?”
He explained that he’s asked that question “numerous times” and that it has lead to some “significant misunderstandings.” He even said, “I think I’ve misled.” The message he was bringing that day was “designed to bring clarity and precision” to that question. He acknowledged that many people don’t understand what he’s asking.
I admit. I don’t understand. Not because I don’t understand his question, because I get the point behind the question. I don’t understand why he continues to ask the question using language he knows is confusing. But before I get to his choice of language, I’m going to take my own shot at clarifying the question. I don’t have a Piper/Every Man dictionary, but I’m going to try and simplify it (maybe for some, to an unacceptable extreme) and explain it in a fraction of the time it takes him to attempt explain it.
“Do you feel more loved by God because he makes much of you?”
I’ll use the first line of the prayer of Jabez to give my interpretation. When I pray that prayer, I begin with “Lord bless me, indeed.” Years ago, when I first began praying the Prayer of Jabez, I prayed it with the mindset that Piper describes here. I prayed, “Lord bless me with success, with health, and with financial security. Please protect me and my family from harm. Please bless me with a beautiful home, filled with comforts. Bless me with sought after skills and competent abilities. Please bless me with reasonable family members, loyal friends and people who respect and admire me. Bless me with happiness. Please bless me by giving me the desires of my heart.” If God blessed me by giving me what I desired, I felt loved by Him.
Then, I lived about more 5 years, read countless books, had more than a few theological discussions with my husband, children, family and friends, filled 3 or 4 prayer journals while drinking my fair share of coffee and . . . my perspective changed. God used every circumstance in my life to change me and the way I view “the desires of my heart.”
Which leads me to part two of Piper’s question:
“or do you feel more loved by God because He, through Christ, enables you to enjoy making much of Him forever?”
When I pray the prayer of Jabez with the mindset that Piper is talking about now, I pray, “Lord, please bless me with wisdom. Please bless me with discernment. Bless me with compassion and empathy and patience. Show me opportunities to serve you, equip me for service, and bless me with the courage and motivation to be immediately obedient when I come face to face with those opportunities. Please bless me with ideas and inspiration and illuminate my next step as you guide me to follow your will. Please give me desires of my heart.” When God blesses me by giving me desires of my heart – not THE desires of my heart – but when he blesses me by placing HIS desires IN me I feel more loved by God.
In the first question, the desires are mine and God grants them. Like a genie in a lamp, God is the “go-to guy” for me to get what I want “in Jesus name.” In the second question, I ask God what I want and he fills me with that knowledge, thus “giving me desires,” not “giving me MY desires.”
get it?
I hope so, or this post is one of those “pot calling the kettle black” kind of things.
So back to the wording of “the question” that Piper has been asking so many years and spent most of his very limited time at Passion 2011 trying to explain. A few days ago one of my blog visitors, Lisa suggested that I discuss theological issues with my husband when I’m working through them (oh, Lisa, you have no idea what can of worms you opened there. But that’s another post.)
So. I ask FirstHusband. But I don’t just ask him the question. I ask him what he thinks about the question. He’s wary. (remember, he’s holding a can of worms) I tell him to go ahead, say whatever comes to mind, whether or not he thinks it might be condescending (that’s a peek inside the can of worms).
He said he was thinking of Mona Lisa Vito’s answer.
And THAT is why he is my density, because I immediately responded with “EXACTLY!” (and no, “density” is not a typo, the link will take you to every post in which I’ve said my husband is my density.)
For those of you who don’t understand this exchange, we’re both referring to a scene from the movie “My Cousin Vinnie.” I asked FirstHusband John Piper’s question and he heard:
“Now, uh, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me… what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?”
If you’re a My Cousin Vinnie fan, as we are, you know the answer:
“. . . because Chevy didn’t make a 327 in ’55, the 327 didn’t come out till ’62. And it wasn’t offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till ’64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.”
Well. That was her FINAL answer. FirstHusband was referring to her initial answer.
(And if you’re a My Cousin Vinnie fan, you know exactly what that was. If you’ve never seen the movie, I’m sorry. I can’t provide you with a youtube link, I looked. Suffice it to say, she didn’t think much of the question.)
So when I say “let go of your darlings, John Piper.” what do I mean? I’m referring to something brave writers do when they self-edit. (They usually use some harsher terminology, like “Kill your darlings.” or “Murder your darlings.”) I love the way it’s explained here:
“I should be taking a good, long look at my “darlings” and analyzing whether their presence . . . was the result of necessity or just my smug enjoyment of my own supposed brilliance.
If this is arguably the most painful lesson an author has to learn, it’s also arguably the most valuable. Self-editing is the keenest blade in a writer’s armory. Too often, we fall so much in love with . . . [our darlings] . . . that we miss the bigger picture. We fail to see that our darlings are actually stumbling blocks, both to our writing of the story and certainly to the reading of it.
K.M. Weiland at WordPlay-kmweiland.blogspot.com
One of the main points John Piper makes as he attempts to explain this question is that true conversion puts GOD at the bottom of your joy. Piper believes that within that conversion, God can “makes much of me.” His personal goal is that “He be made much of.” He even quotes scripture which he believes supports his premise. And here’s the thing:
I agree. I support his premise. I believe it’s critical and at the foundation of my personal, daily walk with the Lord.
It’s the PHRASING of his premise that is SERIOUSLY failing to help OTHER people understand what he is saying.
So I have a question for John Piper. What is more important to you – SENDING your message? Or making sure it is RECEIVED by doing the best you can to help people to understand what you are asking?
Let go of your darlings, John Piper, they do not serve you well and they are a stumbling block.
two minutes with God: 2nd Corinthians 3:4-5
a Quote:
“God can be our source of confidence because our adequacy is from Him.”
(from Thriving as an Artist in the Church
“As I go into the concert I have a pretty good feel for my ability – that is, I know the truth of who I am in the whole scheme of things. I may not be the best musician in the world, but neither am I the worst. What does it matter anyway, since whatever gifts I have were given to me in the first place and are really not mine. So I can’t lose. As I begin to play, my energy is not wasted on thinking of myself. The point of my playing is to present the message of the song, to “wash the feet” of the people or even God by faithfully playing my best with the ability I’ve been given. Now I become the beneficiary of another equation: to forget yourself equals the best possible performance.”
(quote by Michael Card in Roland’s book)
my Prayer:
Lord, as I go into the studio to record tonight, please bless me with your interpretation of Jesus Messiah
Please bless my voice and tonight, through your Holy Spirit, please remove the limitations I’m experiencing because I’ve been sick this past week. Please equip me for service because without your help, my voice is even more inadequate than it usually is.
Please bless the studio session and make me aware of any opportunity to be used by you. Please make me sensitive to the individual needs of those who are there. I don’t know them Lord, but you do. I want to be available for your service, no matter that I’m there to get something done – for myself. Please help me to see with your eyes, my vision is weak and self-focused.
the Word:
Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.
2nd Corinthians 3:4-5 (NIV)
the lyric.
“Because You gladly lean to lead the humble, I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride. Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You. Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You.”
Like Incense (youtube link) by Hillsong Live
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Romans 8:37-39
a Quote:
“. . . somehow he [Paul] had the faith to believe that these “things” – surely not good in themselves – could nevertheless be used by God to accomplish good.
Confidence like that can go a long way towards solving discouragement over a ministry that never quite works out in the way we wish.”
Grace Notes: Daily Readings with a Fellow Pilgrim
Church: Why Bother?
by Philip Yancey
my Prayer:
Lord, help me to see through your eyes. Through your perspective. I struggle with myopic vision every. single. day. Please help me to see objectively and to remember that you can do anything, without limitation.
Please help me to remember that when you ask me to put my weight against a boulder, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed if I don’t move it even one inch. It may be that Your will is for me to hold it steady, which from my point of view feels and looks like inaction. Please help me to be content in my obedience even when you don’t allow me to see the results of that obedience. Please help me to remember that you can take any offering I bring – no matter how flawed or weak or small – and use it to accomplish your purposes.
the Word:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)
the lyric.
“And this is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on it’s way. I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, so firm on His promise I’ll stand.”
Desert Song
by Hillsong United (Live)
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Psalm 103:7-12
a Quote:
“Over the years Moses has learned something so sweet and strange and mysterious that only one word can begin to capture it: grace, God’s free, undeserved gift. He has learned that God loves him despite his failures, with a pure, stubborn, everlasting love. After more than a century of life, Moses has given up trying to figure out what God sees in him. Or sees in the rest of the Hebrews for that matter. He just accepts it and gives thanks.”
The Bible Jesus Read
by Philip Yancey
my Prayer:
Lord, thank you for Your grace. Thank you for showing me a small glimpse of Your unconditional love through the blessing of my children. My gratitude overwhelms me and I’m compelled to respond in the only ways I know how: Through praise and service and faithful stewardship of these and all the undeserved gifts you’ve given me.
Thank you for the joy of praise. Please equip me for Your service and illuminate the next step you want me to take. And please Lord, help me to be consistent as I strive to be a good steward; with my finances, the use of my time and talents, the nurturing of my family and most of all, my relationship with You.
the Word:
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:7-12 (NIV)
the lyric.
“I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west, and I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned”
East to West
by Casting Crowns
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Proverbs 25:11
a Quote:
“You are a guardian of the human spirit. You have the power to manipulate and coerce if you want to. You can avoid and ignore if you choose. But can also ennoble and inspire. You can lift up and appeal to all that is good and honorable and holy. You can remind fallible and finite people around you that they hold their lives and calling as a sacred trust, that their best efforts matter, that their worst failures will be one day redeemed.”
Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them
by John Ortberg
my Prayer:
Lord, please allow me to deliver messages of truth from you. Please send me to lift up those who are being discouraged and lied to by the enemy. Please use me right where I am to trample those lies. I pray for discernment so that I will be confident in the prompting of your Holy Spirit. Please equip me for this service and bless my intentions by keeping me out of your way. I pray not only for opportunities to deliver your messages, but I pray that I will get the messages right and not contaminate them by my own finite reasoning and self-focused will.
Lord, please bring faith-filled encouragers into my own life when I falter and get confused, sidetracked or paralyzed for fear of taking steps outside your will.
the Word:
The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl.
Proverbs 25:11 (NCV)
the lyric.
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!” The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory” Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”
The Voice of Truth
by Casting Crowns
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: 1 Corinthians 2:1-4
(changing from “one minute” to “two minutes.” A little more realistic.)
a Quote:
“. . . joining the church is supposed to make us automatically god-centered and not self-centered people. Consequently, our modern church is filled with many people who look pure, sound pure, and are inwardly sick of themselves, their weaknesses, their frustration, and the lack of reality around them in church. Our non-Christian friends feel either ‘that bunch of nice untroubled people would never understand my problems’ or the more perceptive pagans who know us socially or professionally feel that we Christians are either grossly protected and ignorant about the human situation or are out-and-out hypocrites who will not confess the sins and weaknesses our pagan friends know intuitively to be universal.
. . . by recognizing that all our efforts and enterprises both in and out of the church are tainted to the core with self-centered desires for recognition, power or social acceptance, we can come to God . . . in honest confession and acceptance of His perception and power . . .
The Taste of New Wine
by Keith Miller
my Prayer: Lord, please help me to be humble and authentic, especially in the church. It would be so easy to only allow part of me to be seen by the members of the body of Christ. To allow the few moments I stand on stage every week and sing praises to you to be seen as defining moments of my relationship with you. It would be so easy to allow people to believe that I am aware of your Holy Spirit much more than I really am. But I know how quickly I forget you – time and time again. I know how many times I come back to you, just in the course of one single day. Please, Lord, help me to remember that the church is filled with people who come seeking and striving, not with people who are “done and saved.”
Please help me to serve you – right where I am. Please help me to encourage your saints through humble service, authentic transparency and an awareness that the people right in front of me need you just as much as the people I encounter outside the church.
the Word:
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.
1 Corinthians 2:1-4(NIV)
the lyric.
“Take my voice and pour it out. Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found, for I have nothing, I have nothing without You . . . So all the world will see, that I have nothing without You
Nothing Without You
by Bebo Norman
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
two minutes with God: Proverbs 2:2-3,8-9
a Quote:
“And just like Abraham, we may not know where we are going or what the journey may bring, but we do know that God is with us. He is permitting our self-determining actions, guiding the events and circumstances around us in order to woo us in choosing His ways. God is also active in overruling us when we’re completely out of line or when our poor choices need to be made good by His divine intervention. The choice is now ours: are we going to keep searching for a hidden will, or are we willing to do what we already know we should do, and then step out in faith?
Direction: Discernment for the Decisions of Your Life
by Cheri Cowell
my Prayer:
Lord, just when I think I’ve figured out what I’m supposed to be doing, I hit a roadblock that fills me with doubt. Is this problem I can’t solve just a problem I can’t solve TODAY? Is this one of those times where you will be glorified because you will accomplish something beyond my limited abilities? If I can’t solve the problem, but I’m supposed to move forward anyway, how do I do it? Who do I do it with? Do I know them already? Will you bring someone new into my life to help me accomplish your will? Is this the right time? Or is this obstacle a sign that the timing is not right? Are you teaching me patience? Again? Is this the closed door I pray for as I beg you to block my way when I start to veer off course in my effort to follow your will for my life?
I pray so often for your guidance and I commit to taking action and moving forward while at the same time, I plead with you to do something – ANYthing to prevent me from being unintentionally disobedient by blocking my way when I act out of self focused, short sighted motivation instead of focusing completely on you and your will. Do you want me to follow you around this roadblock? Or stop and go another direction?
the Word:
. . . turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding . . . for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path.
Proverbs 2:2-3, 8-9 (NIV)
the lyric.
“Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee. Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King. Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee. Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Here am I, all of me. Take my life, it’s all for Thee.”
Take My Life
by Chris Tomlin
This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.
Welcome! If you have time, peruse my topics & my “little known facts” page to see if we have anything in common, or find out what I do for fun & work by viewing my singing and speaking samples.
Feel free to steal my ideas, ponder my musings, disagree with my rants, jump on my bandwagon, read my favorite books, comment, email me, or just lurk. Whatever works for you.
Most Recent 10- everything matters.
- fragments of a Mother’s Day weekend.
- the foundation of my work ethic. “Would you like fries with that?”
- I don’t want to sing a solo.
- “Discovery Day” is right.
- Jesus said turn the other cheek. He didn’t say I had to stand within smack radius.
- Mythbusters question: Who packs a car better, a man or a woman?
- you see the big hat too . . . right?
- I’m going to stop being discouraged and be awesome instead. True Story.
- five minutes of crazy.
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Fitness Log: May
May Totals as of 5/21
HIIT Incline Miles: 4.5
HIIT Incline Minutes: 90
Strength Training/Yoga Days: 1
2 Min., 10 Sec. Planks: 3
Days Supplements Taken: 2
Fruit Servings: 2-
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