I know Elle doesn’t. But somebody must be falling for these emails or they would stop, right?
“My name is Adams Ofori Esq. (really. not just “adam” but “adams.” with an “s.” okay. )
My client is the family of late Mobutu Sese Seko the former ruler of the Republic of Congo who was ousted out of power by late Laurent Kabila whose son Joseph Kabila has now succeeded as the ruler of the country. (I’m sorry. did you say something? I dozed off there for a minute.) When the late Mobutu was chased out of power, he fled the country and I was a major broker for his granted political asylum in Morocco where he eventually died of prostate cancer. (bummer. i mean for him. sounds like you made out alright.)
Simply because the enemies of their regime are now in power, it will interest you to know (really. it doesn’t.) that our client and a family have suffered unspeakable intimidation, humiliation and huge financial and other loss to seizures and confiscations (over$600MILLION). (what? the translation software just threw up.)
On the instruction of Madam (the widow of late Mobutu Sese Seko who is now the head of the family), (of course.) the essence of this mail is to seek to secure your understanding and co-operation with regards to bringing to fruition an overseas investment program which will serve as the source of sustenance and livelihood for the family but without traces to any member of this family nor to any member of our Law Firm. (i’m honored. really. i am.) Madam wants this investment program to be a financial endowment for her children. (how sweet.)
The fund in focus is $40M (USD) which is currently in the vault of a security company in Canada as 2 crates containing Law Reports and Promotional Materials belonging to our Law Firm – The need for false content declaration is to prevent any manner of betrayal or blackmail from any quarter. (sounds reasonable.) Actually we successfully shipped the crates to Canada with diplomatic immunity by invoking the immunity accruable to classified judicial documents under the HURILAW provisions. (that sounds very legitimate.)
We completed arrangement with a bank in Europe where a solid understanding has been reached regarding your opening (in Europe? did somebody in a bank in Europe recommended me for this? I’ll have to send them a lovely fruit basket.) of a special transit account where the funds could be lodged for channeling (syn. laundering? i hope not. i hate laundry.) on a bank to bank basis to an account which you will nominate for the pursuit of this investment program. The understanding reached with the bank is dependable and reliable (how reassuring.) and as soon as I read from you, we should commence to fine-tune arrangements for you to mutually attend to the needful. (i think your translation software ralphed again.)
The terms and investment options as described by our client would be disclosed to you as soon as we hear from you. (yo “adams” – sorry. can’t reply. bounced and permanently deleted you from my email filter already. right after I copied your important message into my blog for heckling.)
Thanks and God bless as we expect to read from you soon. (don’t wait up.)
Adams Ofori Esq.”
I have a mail filter called MailWasher that really Works for Me. Sure, you can just mark a sender’s email address as a junk mail sender, but the fact is, spammers change email addresses like my daughter changes clothes. MailWasher allows me to preview, bounce and delete emails before I download them. I love the “bounce” feature. When you “bounce” an email, it looks like your email address is invalid. The idea is to get removed from the spammer’s email list.
MailWasher Free provides filtering for one email account and MailWasher Pro ($39.95) allows for multiple accounts. I have an older freeware version that allows for multiple accounts and it is still going strong!
(In full disclosure, when I went to www.mailwasher.net to pick up the link, I noticed an affiliate link, so I’ll probably sign up. But not today. Is it Friday yet?)
Find more helpful and fun tips over at Works for Me Wednesday hosted by Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer!
Okay, I am snorting about the heckling. Great job. That Mailwasher program sounds divine. I will be mentioning it to Husband.
Totally hilarious post! Thanks for the heads-up on the bouncing, I think I would love to bounce too! I have so much techno stuff to learn….this is great! Can’t wait to see pics of Pink girls room!
I haven’t seen that particular money email, but I have noticed that Prostate Cancer is a very popular disease for these scams.
I wonder who falls for this – but then again, who gets their Viag^$Ra or Ce@lis from those spam messages. I get at least 5 of those a day (all filtered into my spam) and figure there must be a market…sad but true.
Interestingly enough, I have heard or seen the phrase “do the needful” many a time. Usually spoken or written by my IT colleagues who are of Indian (not native American) descent. Hmmm, maybe Adams is not really African?