random acts of pragmatic romance.

A few months ago, in the spirit of romance, I picked up a book (pre-owned, of course) entitled “Random Acts of Romance: surprise and delight the one you love.” With Valentine’s Day just a few short days away, I looked through it for some Valentine ideas.

It seems I have a little problem with romance. Here are some suggestions from the book and my interpretations/reactions:

“1. Say ‘my love’ so often that it becomes you partner’s name.”

(and don’t worry. that won’t make her wonder if you forgot her name or are just being proactive in case you get her confused with your other girlfriend – or wife).

“2. Tickle each other in an elevator.”

(Never mind the security camera. Or anyone else in the elevator.)

“3. Walk your love to the car in the morning. Open the door and after he’s seated safely inside, close it gently. Kiss the glass.”

(It’s very important to make sure he’s SAFELY inside. And close it GENTLY. Enough to make the door sensors indicate it’s closed, but not enough to slam any body parts or make a loud noise. It might scare him. And kissing the glass is SOOO much better than kissing him. Just ask him. Warm lips against his right then? Or cleaning spit off the window later?)

“4. Call your mother-in-law ‘Dear’.”

(Now, that’s just gonna get someone smacked.)

“5. Meet her at the bus stop with a flower.”

(Or maybe pick her up from work? And take her to the car dealer.)

“6. At the airport, page your sweetie under a pet nickname.”

(seriously. not a good idea.)

“7. Park your car in the woods, open the doors, turn up the music, and dance in the leaves.”

(she won’t be preoccupied with thoughts of snakes, chiggers or tires getting stuck in the mud)

“8. Pretend you’re newlyweds by making a JUST MARRIED sign for the back of your car, then drive around town beeping your horn and smiling. If your budget allows, book the bridal suite at a local hotel.”

(if you’re REALLY just married, you don’t drive around town beeping the horn. You drive directly to the bridal suite)

“9. Set up a tent in your bedroom for an indoor camp-out. Pretend to be a friendly bear.”

(a friendly BEAR? THIS is romantic? are you flippin kidding me?)

“10. Slip a revealing photo of yourself into your mate’s lunch bag.”

(that will be helpful when he forgets it and a co-worker opens it up to see if they can figure out who it belongs to)

Needless to say, I’m listing this book on paperback swap.

Now, to be fair, there were some ideas I DID find to be pragmatically romantic:

“1. Borrow your partner’s car during the day and return it vacuumed, washed and waxed.”

“2. Buy massage oil formulated from his/her favorite scents – and use it often.”

“3. Serve him/her dinner and coffee when she has to bring work home, and ask what you can do around the house that would help her get her work done.”

“4. Forget the movie. Go to a coffee bar where you can reconnect.”

“5. Tell other people the special things you admire about your partner – both in and out of your partner’s presence.”

“6. Go out on the deck or patio and snuggle at dusk while the kids watch TV.”

“7. Kiss your lover at least four times a day: when you say good morning, good night, goodbye when separating for the day and hello when you reunite.”

“8. Wear silky clothing that isn’t too revealing to be seen in around the kids but still feels and looks alluring and soft to the touch.”

“9. Sometimes, feed the kids first and share dinner alone with your lover.”

“10. Instead of a roaring fire, opt for something a bit more subdued. Set a tiered candelabra, complete with scented candles, anywhere you’d like to fan the flame of romance.”

I’m going to try to post more Valentines/Romance ideas between now and the 14th. Any ideas to share? Good or bad? Past Valentine/romance experiences to share? (keep it clean, please) Post and link up in comments or just comment!