When my head is a mess, I am compelled to order my environment.
My husband is scared right now.
happy. but scared.
Happy because of all the stuff I’m getting rid of. And I’m getting rid of a LOT of stuff. a LOT of stuff.
Scared because of the honey-do list that goes along with ordering my environment.
I’m so thankful to God for him. He is my density.
In the middle (and at the bottom) of stirring this mess in my head, he said: “You really need to work through this. I don’t recognize you. It’s like you’ve given up. I don’t know whether to encourage you or give you a swift kick in the butt. You’ve lost your mojo.”
mojo. is that another word for faith?
It was bad. I couldn’t even pray.
What does faith look like when you can’t even pray?
it’s not pretty.
I needed to think. I need to think.
And so I clean my house. I paint my house. I purge my house. of books even. over 100 so far. I want every superfluous thing in my house gone. GONE.
GONE I tell you!
physically and metaphorically.
But in the middle of all the thinking I’m reading two books right now.
I know. But yes. These two are thick.
and not in a benchpress them kind of way.
Desiring God, Revised Edition: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist by John Piper
Decision Making and the Will of God: A Biblical Alternative to the Traditional View by Garry Friesen
FirstHusband suggested I re-read these books. Smart guy.
I’ve read both of them before. But I was younger then. Not that much younger. But still.
They were both responsible for pivot points in my faith.
In all my thinking and purging, I need to go back to bones of what I believe and why.
Messy deep digging blog posts ahead.
Even so, if you know me IRL (in real life), don’t weird out when you see me in person. If you’re at a loss about what to say, we can talk about the little blond girl’s face at the end of this commercial. cracks me up every time.
[CLICK HERE to see a listing of all the blog posts in this series “the search for Joy.”]
2 thoughts on “reading. thinking. cleaning. painting. purging.”
I am so ready to do this. My 3 littles will be at school for 2x a week and i plan on utilizing all 4 hours of those days to totally get rid of 30% of what is in our house. There is an annual rummage sale run by the visiting nurse assoc. and i am planning on donating all of the “sellable’ stuff to their rummage sale. great way to get rid of stuff and let it find a new home rather than throwing it away.
I got rid of 3 dumpsters worth of “maybe we’ll need it someday” when my dad passed away in ’98. My mom still had a bout 3 households worth of stuff, having combined her parents and aunts’ things – oh, and a good friend’s things. By the time she passed in 2010, I still had stuff I felt guilty about getting rid of – letters, receipts from the 20’s, pictures – many duplicated and so interesting! Every time I’d go into the “room” where this stuff was stored, I’d get sick. Finally, I decided to shred it all. The anquish is not worth keeping it and putting stress on your family. It is cathartic to trash everything. Kind of like entering a monastary and getting rid of your earthly possessions. Good luck all. Oh yes, and your kids are going to throw it away anyway!