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#memoryverse Psalm 139:23-24 ~ search me, oh God.

Posted on March 10, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)

One of my go-to questions when I meet with someone as a communication/life coach is:

“How do you receive and process negative feedback and constructive criticism?”

Sometimes, people know the answer. Sometimes I have to provide a few multiple choice options:

(1) Do you usually deny it? Assume it’s not true?

(2) Do you get depressed? Maybe shut down or give up?

(3) Do you get fired up? Determined to prove the criticizer wrong or to overcome whatever weakness the feedback and criticism points to?

(4) or do you get depressed, shut down and THEN get fired up and determined?

The most difficult to deal with are the two extremes of denying and shutting down.

I don’t know about you, but my knee jerk reaction is to deny. Way back in college, my favorite interpersonal communication professor, Dr. Grasty, assured me I wasn’t alone by confirming that:

“When we are criticized, our tendency is to be defensive.”

And then he gave us this sage advice:

“Don’t be a deluded wimp. Have the courage to look for any truth in the criticism. Strip away any acrimonious language, any selfish motivation or defensiveness of the criticizer and diligently search for even a nugget of truth in the accusation.”

This is one of those occasions where the words “the truth hurts” ring loud and true.

I’ve learned that in order to grow – personally, professionally, mentally, physically and most importantly, spiritually, I have to face the truth of where I am right now.

Praying for God to search my heart.
Asking Him to give me the courage to look at what He reveals.
Begging Him to comfort me when He shows me the ugly that’s hiding in there, layered in rationalizations and rainbows.
And praying for Him to equip me with the motivation and stamina needed to purge from my life the things that separate me from Him.

#memoryverse John 15:5 ~ WithOUT God. “nothing” is possible.

Posted on February 27, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“I am the vine;
you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me
and I in him,
he it is that bears much fruit,
for apart from me you can do nothing.“
John 15:5 (ESV)

“With God, all things are possible.”

When I read, hear or say this, I usually emphasize the “all things are possible” part.

Today, I can’t get past the “WITH GOD” part.

The hard truth – one that I don’t like to admit – is that I have a tendency to be more self-centered than Veruca Salt. The hard truth is that I want what I want when I want it. and often, “I WANT IT NOW!”

But…
If God isn’t in it.
If God doesn’t want it.
If God doesn’t want it for me.
If God knows that it will lead me away from Him.
If God knows that my current desire ALREADY pulls me away from him.
If God knows that my current desire might be counter to His plan to draw people to a saving knowledge of Him and to accept His gift of grace.
If God knows that my current desire might be counter to His desire for a living, intimate, dependent relationship with me and/or someone else…

then, God’s not in it.

Even if “it” is possible and I go after it on my own – withOUT God, I will fail. Maybe not fail in the eyes of the world, under the world’s definition of success, but I will fail.

Because all my dreams and goals, if pursued withOUT God, lead me away from Him. And when I fill my life with things that exclude Christ, those things amount to a
big.
pile.
of nothing.

#memoryverse John 15:5 ~ I say “nothing” without you.

Posted on February 24, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“I am the vine;
you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me
and I in him,
he it is that bears much fruit,
for apart from me you can do nothing.”
John 15:5 (ESV)

“When a worship leader reads the Bible you can tell.”

Carlos Whittaker is a worship leader, author and speaker. So I’m betting he knows that his statement extends from “worship leader” to “writer” to “speaker” to “someone.”

Personally, I can spot “trite” messages in a New York minute. I’m betting I’m not the only one.

Worship leaders who speak in the vagueness of song lyric poetry and speakers who spend extended time telling stories and weaving metaphors without connecting them to truth in scripture. Words dripping in entertainment, feel good inspiration or contrived attempts to stir emotion. Words that don’t lead to deeper understanding or dredge up self-examination. Fluffy words that don’t scrape the bottom to dredge up conviction or reveal underlying pride or fear.

Carlos Whittaker is right. When someone reads the Bible, you can tell.

For me, the opposite is true as well. When I’m NOT spending time in the Word, you can tell. My words turn thin, losing both depth and meaning. And if you know me, you know I love me some depth and meaning. When I’m not spending time in the Word – and in prayer – my perspective shifts to my own little corner (yes, that is a R&H Cinderella reference).

But when I let go of the grip I have on “my” day and ask God to bless me with a desire for Him, I find myself drawn to Him. I actually WANT to read the Word and spend time with Him.

Notice I didn’t start with “If I just read the Bible.” I started with prayer asking God to bless me with a desire to read the Bible. Because, I know me. On my own, my tendency would be to curl up with a cuppa joe and a good book ABOUT the Bible.

Some days, my tendency is to curl up with a cuppa joe and my laptop and allow the internet to suck the time out of my day.

But when I spend time in God’s living Word, it lives in me and there’s no keeping it in check. My perspective shifts from my own limited and skewed point of view to consider people and relationships and circumstances from God’s greater vantage point.

I ABIDE in Him.

So I pray for a desire for the Word.
And I pray for the motivation to actually READ it.
And I pray for the Holy Spirit to open the scriptures to me and help me to understand and apply its timeless truths to my life TODAY.

And I pray for the Holy Spirit to equip me – and put words in my mouth when I speak so that the word “trite” is never an adjective anyone could or would ever use to describe the words that come out of my mouth.

#memoryverse John 15:5 ~ Lord, please remind me to remember.

Posted on February 23, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“I am the vine;
you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me
and I in him,
he it is that bears much fruit,
for apart from me
you can do nothing.”
John 15:5 (ESV)

Heavenly Father,
please remind me to remember you,
over and over and over again,
because I forget You,
over and over and over again.
Please remind me to remember that
YOU are my source in everything I say and do.
Please remind me that my fear
often stems from my tendency
to look to my own abilities and strength
instead of relying on YOU to equip me and renew my strength.
Please relentlessly remind me to remember that
You are sovereign.
AMEN.

#memoryverse 1 John 4:13 ~ “abiding” in Christ. part 1 of…howevermany.

Posted on January 27, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“By this we know that we abide in him
and he in us,
because he has given us of his Spirit.”
1 John 4:13 (ESV)

I used to think the word “abide” referred to that part of prayer where I was supposed to shut up and listen. Like God and I were taking turns doing the talking.

Prayer: My turn to talk, God’s turn to listen.
Abide: God’s turn to talk, my turn to listen.

Over the last 7 years, I’ve come to realize that abiding is so much more than me shutting up and listening during “prayer time.”

I think I first began to realize that my definition of abiding was much too narrow when I began to understand that my definition of prayer was much too narrow.

I used to think of prayer as dedicated time talking to God. These days, I call that type of prayer “event” prayer because it takes place like an event – it has a beginning and an end. Often, it’s prayer that opens with a salutation, like “Dear Lord” or “Heavenly Father” and always concludes with the word “Amen.”

And then it’s over until next time.

By the grace of God, I’ve come to understand that while “event” prayer is good and necessary, it is only one kind of prayer.

Now, the most common type of prayer I engage in is practicing the presence of God. It’s an ongoing, no holds barred conversation with God. What used to be that constant inner conversation with myself all day long has shifted and now it’s [almost always] directed to God. The shift in direction has transformed self-directed self-talk into intimate prayer with the Holy Spirit who dwells within me through my faith in Christ.

When prayer began to saturate my moments and my days in this way, abiding began to take on new meaning. When I talk to the Holy Spirit about everything, all day, it’s because Christ is answering my prayer with a big “YES!” when I ask Him to bless me with an awareness that “the Lord my God is is with me everywhere I go.” (Joshua 1:9)

When I’m aware of God’s presence in my moments and my days in this way, I’m abiding in Christ.

Regardless of whether I’m talking or shutting up.

#memoryverse Jeremiah 32:17 ~ NOTHING is too hard for God.

Posted on January 20, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“Ah, Sovereign LORD,
you have made the heavens and the earth
by your great power and outstretched arm.
Nothing is too hard for you.”
Jeremiah 32:17 (NIV)

Heavenly Father, please remind me again and again, that nothing is too hard for You.

Please use anything and everything I see and experience to remind me of Your power and providence, from a sunrise to a sunset and everything in between.

Please bless me with peace in the middle of the unknown – peace that is grounded in stalwart confidence that You are all-powerful and sovereign.

Please bless me with patience when I think You are taking to long and with humble obedience when I slip into my inner two year old and start thinking “it’s not fair!” or “you’re doing it wrong!”

Please help me to remember that You never make mistakes and that You are working all things together for good.

Please help me remember that You can redeem ANY situation, You can soften a heart and open a mind. You alone can draw people to Yourself and show them Your perspective.

Please help me to remember Lord, NOTHING is too hard for You.

#memoryverse Jeremiah 32:17 ~ nothing (nobody) is too hard (headed) for God.

Posted on January 19, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“Ah, Sovereign LORD,
you have made the heavens and the earth
by your great power and outstretched arm.
Nothing is too hard for you.”
Jeremiah 32:17 (NIV)

I’m a fixer.

When I see something that needs fixed I want to fix it, whether it be a crooked picture on the wall or a broken relationship. But some things are beyond my capabilities, especially if the thing that’s broken isn’t seen as broken by people “in charge” of it.

In many cases, the first thing that needs to be changed is a mindset.

That’s a whole lotta vague, isn’t it? As I read back over it, I see application in multiple situations. In each of those situations, someone either doesn’t see or refuses to see that there’s a problem in the first place.

And before anyone even goes there, I know I’m one of those people, so as you read, know that I’m including my own oblivion and denial and not just pointing at someone else’s. I need to consistently ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me problems I don’t see.

And in those situations where I want to help but the people I want to help don’t think they need any help, I need to pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal to them the problems THEY don’t see. If someone has blocked out all possibility for constructive criticism and/or surrounded themselves with “yes men” and rainbow blowing yea-sayers, there’s no avenue for me to help because there’s no perceived need or even an openness for possible improvement. In those situations, there’s absolutely nothing I can say or do to make someone aware of a problem, much less motivate them to explore and implement change.

And again, I’m including my own oblivion and denial when I say that.

That’s when I need to rely on God. God can do ANYthing, even open a closed mind, dedicated to the self-preservation of being “right.” For a while now, I’ve been asking the sovereign and almighty God who made the heavens and the earth to do some things I know can’t do on my own:
(1) reveal to me that my perception of some problems is incorrect,
(2) bless me with a peace about doing nothing to intercede,
(3) and/or reveal to someone that there are problems and provide me an opportunity to help.

Because standing by and watching is beyond frustrating.

#memoryverse Psalms 121:2 ~ decisions and steps.

Posted on January 17, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:2 (NIV)

Are you at the door to an opportunity but haven’t taken the step through because you don’t have confidence in your ability to succeed?

Pray.

Make sure the opportunity is within the moral will of God as revealed to us in scripture.

Pray.

Seek counsel with wise and objective brothers and sisters in Christ who don’t have anything to lose or gain from your decision.

Pray.

Genuinely ask the Lord to exponentially increase your desire to move forward if the path IS within His will for you.
Ask Him to pursue you relentlessly if it IS His will for you.

Genuinely ask Him to lessen and remove your conscious thoughts of this possible path if it ISN’T His will for you.
Ask him to re-direct your thoughts to a different course of action if this one ISN’T His will for you.

Pray.

And then take action.

Don’t wait for Him to say “GO,” take one step after another while diligently and prayerfully watching for Him to say “NO.”

Remember, if you could do it alone, you wouldn’t need His help. Remember where your help comes from.

#memoryverse Proverbs 16:9 ~ send me.

Posted on January 7, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

When I ask Him to allow me to serve Him more, when I ask Him to “send me” I have to trust that

sometimes, He sends me and doesn’t let me in on the reason why.

sometimes, I get exactly what I’ve prayed for – He allows me to serve Him more – and I don’t even realize it.

sometimes, He allows me to be a part of His story while not allowing me to read that part of the book.

My obedience doesn’t need to follow my understanding and it doesn’t need a promise that understanding will follow my obedience.

The only prerequisite is prayer.

And prayer needs to be the FIRST thing I do, not the last resort after I’ve tried everything else.

#memoryverse Proverbs 16:9 ~ trust or do not trust.

Posted on January 6, 2015October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

#memoryverse

“The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

I can pray and ask God for what I want and/or think I need to achieve my goals, but in the end, He is all-knowing and all-powerful. I either trust His sovereignty in EVERY situation or I don’t.

No middle ground.

He knows what is best and He has the power to make ANYthing happen.

When I live grounded in that awareness, disappointment doesn’t form a pit in my stomach like it does when my mind is relentlessly plagued with multiple scenarios of “what ifs.” I know my current situation is a result of God’s providence.

Sometimes, my disappointments are actually His protection, preparation or redirection.

When I COMMIT my will to Him and GENUINELY trust Him to lead me in His way,

He will.

He does.

He has.