PinkGirl, on the phone with a friend, struggling with homework: “Oh! My dad’s home! He’s a really big nerd! He’ll be able to help us!” Message translated? I am not a nerd. Unfortunately, it also appears I am not smarter than a third grader.
Me (to FavoriteSon): “You’re taking chemistry next year? I think you’ll like it, just be careful not to burn your eyebrows off.” FavoriteSon: “I don’t think you have to worry about my eyebrows.” (pause) “Just my arm hair.”
PinkGirl: “Okay, are you ready? I’m just going to chat away now.”
1. When you drive a boat into the channel at the end of the day, the pelicans and seagulls follow you and hover like vultures, waiting for you to throw out your unused bait.
2. FirstHusband Invented a “bachelor one-pot meal” involving something called “seafood paella mix” which can only be described as “squid parts.”
Me: That stuff looks disgusting. I’m waiting for the seagulls to show up.
FavoriteSon (wrapping his arms around the pot): “Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.”
If you’ve got time to hang out for a few minutes, check out what else makes me laugh: Pragmatic Compendium’s “laugh!” category.