#edify: profanity

fiddlesticksThe first curse word each of my children heard came out of my mother’s mouth. Let’s just say it wasn’t one of the curse words you might find in the Bible.

She wasn’t angry. or frustrated. or hurt in any way. She wasn’t speaking passionately about anything of significance. It was just a passing thoughtless comment. I’ve said in a previous post that

“I grew up with a mom who used “colorful” language. nautical colors.

It’s not like I’ve never used colorful language myself. I freely admit that I sometimes cuss in my head. Sometimes it leaks out of my mouth or my fingertips, like in THIS post, from back in 2013. My language has not been – and probably will not be – consummately color-free. Even so, I can honestly say that in my immediate family, profanity isn’t something we regularly weave into our lives.

Of all the places we go, we hear curse words at Walt Disney World the most.

Casual replacement of the word “stuff” with the word “sh!+”
Telling children to “get their “a$$” over here!” or that they’re “going get they’re “a$$ busted!”
Calling a woman a “b!tch” – sometimes in front of her own children. or her parents.
And then there’s “shut the F#¢« up” and
the tired overuse of “F#¢«ing” as an adjective.

While this language is commonplace for some, it’s startling to us. There’s an inward flinch. Our outward response is almost always silence. Because we’re articulate like that. Meanwhile, the silence feels awkward.

word Im searching for I cant sayHere’s what I’ve observed:

If profanity is a normal part of your vocabulary, and you use it with someone who doesn’t, it doesn’t facilitate camaraderie, it creates distance.

Sometimes it leaves a lasting impression.

If you’ve decided that including profanity in your everyday vocabulary and conversations is no big deal, I’m going to pass along some unsolicited advice:

A good rule of thumb is not to use profanity with anyone until and unless they use it with you first.

And NEVER use profanity with children. Just don’t. Sure, it’s possible they’ve grown up saturated in it and are desensitized to it. But it’s also possible that profanity hasn’t been a part of their everyday life and using it with those kids doesn’t make them feel more comfortable with you. It makes them UNcomfortable. If they respect your authority as an adult, they won’t tell you they are uncomfortable.

Consider this possibility:
From a kid’s point of view, you, an adult, have perceived power/authority over them.
When you cuss, they feel that telling you it makes them uncomfortable is the same as telling you that you’re wrong.
They might believe that telling you that you’re wrong would be disrespectful.
Distance has been created. They are intimidated by you.
Intentionally or unintentionally – that intimidation is an abuse of power over kids.

Years ago, I told my kids my view of profanity: It’s often used to emphasize something, but in reality, one of things it most emphasizes is a lack of vocabulary and creativity. Using profanity, besides being unprofessional, is just plain lazy. There are so. many. words. available for use.

So, if you’re looking for some creative alternatives to colorful language, I offer these for your consideration:

facebook fragments: 5/31/14 – 6/13/14 (fitness milestones, falling curls, FavoriteSon’s birthday & Magic Kingdom)

Saturday, May 31, 2014
I must admit, I was secretly hoping my personal trainer would forget our appointment today, but now that it’s over, I feel MUCH better having made it through. Today’s milestones include two one minute wall squats, the first while doing 23 bicep curls with 10lb dumbbells and the second while doing 22 hammer curls holding 12 lb dumbbells and three sets of 12 push-ups with two 2 minute forearm plank sandwiched in between the push-ups. Did the first 6 push ups wearing a 12 lb weight vest. (what a difference THAT made!)

Read More >>>

facebook fragments: 5/17/14 – 5/23/14 (a circle of life kind of thing)

(Looking back, these facebook posts just don’t seem like the should have been in the same week.)

Sunday, May 17, 2014
PinkGirl and Merida
Merida and PinkGirl May 18 2014

Wednesday, May 21, 2014


Prayer warrior friends, please pray for my mother-in-law. She’s been suffering from severe gastroparesis (inability to digest food) for weeks. Every treatment so far has failed. She’s lost over 15 lbs. This evening she’s sitting in an ER waiting on a bed. (since about 5pm) The two remaining treatment options are either an implanted gastric neurostimulators (“stomach pacemaker”) or a feeding tube. Please pray.

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facebook fragments: 5/10/14 – 5/16/14 (friends who avoid conflict & evil teachers who assign food projects)

Sunday, May 11, 2014
I was tagged in a facebook post my my daughter:
“So, I’m watching The Little Mermaid and I caught my mommy quoting some of it. ‪#‎succes‬ ‪#‎ilovemymother‬
Happy Mother’s Day Mommy!”


Tuesday, May 13, 2014
If you have a conflict with someone, consider attempting to resolve it, even if it means facing something you regret or are embarrassed about…unless that relationship is one that you actually don’t want in your life anymore. Avoiding conflict, and ultimately the other person, is a surefire way to allow the relationship to fade from your life.

On the flipside, if a relationship is important to you but the other person is avoiding you to avoid working through the conflict, you may have to respect their decision to transition the relationship from friend to acquaintance…or to “someone that I used to know” status.

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facebook fragments: 5/3/14 – 5/9/14 (stronger than yesterday, annoying prophets & philanthropy)

Saturday, May 3, 2014
Came downstairs to see PinkGirl working on a poster board sized map for a geography project due Monday. Disney’s Beauty and the Beast playing DVD.
Me: “Why are you watching that?”
PinkGirl: “I needed something to watch and not pay complete attention to.”

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facebook fragments: 04/26/14 – 05/2/14 (bringing home the mahi, strength training milestones & a new Indo board record)

Saturday, April 26, 2014
Just got a “Fish On” text from my men via the SPOT satellite GPS with latitude and longitude: 28.51040,-80.01917
Wonder how many miles off shore that is…


If I’m plugging in their latitude/longitude into the distance calculator correctly, my guys are 32 miles offshore. This is why my only criteria for a boat purchase was twin engines.

Someone commented: “and a raft, radio and flare gun.:

My reply: “That’s boat paraphernalia. That stuff can be transferred from another boat, including the single engine money pit that was our previous boat. Which died offshore and left us hobbling back for HOURS on a tiny little kicker engine. I do love the GPS system he bought. Subscription is about $100 a year. Well worth it to know exactly where they are. And nice to know when they catch something.”


Another “Fish On” text from the satellite GPS! This time 25 miles out. So they’re headed west, but after two catches, I’m thinking they’re still trolling #bringhomethemahi


Just got a real text from my FavoriteSon: “In the channel. 3 mahi.” Lunch is going to be EXCELLENT tomorrow.

Read More (and see the photo)>>>

facebook fragments: 04/19/14 – 04/25/14 (Easter, epiphany blogging & getting stronger)

Saturday, April 19, 2014
I love my daughter.
No hashtag.
Just saying.


It would appear my workout yesterday was extremely effective.
ibuprofen. stretching. water. protein. maybe epsom salt bath later.
Anything I’m missing?

Buzz and Woody Muscle Soreness Everywhere fitness


Little Known Fact #30 on my blog: “I would rather eat a Brussel sprout than a Peep. bleh. It’s like goo with glitter on it.”
The only good peep is a dead peep.

peep murder by tire from http://chadmarcuswhyrickphotography.blogspot.com/


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facebook fragments: 04/12/14 – 04/18/14 (a sea turtle, strength training & Good Friday

Saturday, April 12, 2014
My men are fishing today. There are two text messages hubs sends me from his GPS satellite messenger when they’re on the ocean. One is “All is Well” and the other is “Fish On” I’m very thankful for the four “All is Well” messages I’ve gotten so far this morning, but I would REALLY like a “Fish On” message this afternoon. #bringhomethemahi


Catching up on my facebook compilation blog posts. All my posts from 3/15 to 3/21 on one page:
facebook fragments: 03/15/14 – 03/21/14 (spring break)


Shared my husband’s facebook video from their fishing trip:
The guys didn’t catch any fish but they had some great company.

Read More (and see the video of the company) >>>

giving grace.

Both my daughter and my son are having a full and stress filled week. A VERY full and stress filled week. Sleep is going to come at a premium.

It’s “tech week” for a show PinkGirl is teching. She’s not performing in this show. She’s one of the people wearing all black who works behind the scenes and helps keep things moving smoothly during a show, no matter what the need. That means rehearsals every night this week – for her own show Monday/Tuesday night and rehearsals for the show she’s teching Wednesday/Thursday night. The show opens Friday night and additional showings are Saturday night and Sunday afternoon.

FavoriteSon is in the final week of his spring semester and he works as a tutor, so he literally did math for over 12 hours on both Monday and Tuesday, either learning it or teaching it. He has two finals today and another paper due tomorrow. His week started after an exhausting (but great) weekend. Saturday the weather was rare and perfect on the ocean, so he and his dad got up at 5am to go on a PHENOMENAL fishing day on our boat.

bring home the mahi 042614

They got home late and stinky. Then, he got up Sunday at 6:45 to run sound for the K-5th grade worship services at his church from 8am to 1:30pm. (He does that every Sunday.) He spent his Sunday afternoon writing a paper and finished off his weekend tutoring a friend till late Sunday night.

It’s only hump day and both PinkGirl and FavoriteSons are already tired. This means one thing. They both need grace from me this week. (And from my husband, but he is admittedly better at patience and giving grace than me. I’d like to think it has something to do with the fact that due to his work schedule, I see the kids more hours in a day, but the fact is, he’s more easygoing than I am.)

Giving grace takes prayer. Some might say it takes patience.

2 Corinthians 12 9 His Grace is Sufficient in My WeaknessI’ve been praying for patience.


Because I knew cranky was coming. I knew frustrated snark was in my future.

I’m still praying. For patience like manna. My schedule is pretty calm these days, so I ordered my week in anticipation for their growing exhaustion by making myself available to help them. Little things, like picking up some of their chores, typing a handwritten paper, putting healthy snacks down in front of them, prepared and ready to eat, pushing them to go to bed when they are still worked up from their day, and praying for them and with them for strength and stamina, among other things. Praying for myself to be able to give them grace in response to cranky snark.

Some might say I’m a patsy.


If this happened all the time, I’d entertain that thought. But it doesn’t. It’s rare and temporary. Both these kids and my husband are there for me when I need them to pick up my slack or help me out, and I don’t take that for granted.

Is someone in your life dishing up a full helping of cranky snark?

I don’t just assume I can muster up patience and grace on my own.

I already know I can’t.

Pray for patience and for God to bless you with a supernatural ability to extend grace. His grace is sufficient in your weakness and He is glorified when His strength is visible in your life.