ibuprofen, eye contact & a retarded cat.

1. I’ve learned that 400 mg of ibuprofen pales in comparison to ANY mg of Percoset. Baby aspirin might be more effective at getting rid of pain. Or a chanting witch doctor.

2. I’ve learned that, with water, I can EASILY take four ibuprofen tablets at the same time. (A BIG thanks to the table-full of women at the 8th grade banquet last night who all informed me that 800 mg of ibuprofen is what I need!) And yes, you BET I’m taking them with food! Chocolate counts, right?

3. I’ve learned that I need to restock my personal mini-van pharmacy.

4. I’ve learned that I need to carry a bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of water with me everywhere I go for the next few weeks.

5. I’ve learned that I miss my Percoset. I gaze affectionately at the half-full bottle. Then I pop my ibuprofen instead, get in my van and drive to where ever I have to go with no narcotic impairment. 🙁

6. I’ve learned that when doctors say that recovery from an abdominal hysterectomy is 6 weeks, they aren’t just saying that in an effort to protect themselves from a malpractice suit.

7. I’ve learned that when I tell people I had a hysterectomy and a tummy tuck, they only hear “tummy tuck.”

8. I’ve learned that when I tell women I’ve had a tummy tuck, most of them verbally express their jealously of me while abandoning eye contact in favor of staring at my abdomen – while they blatantly rub their own tummy and fantasize about the results of their own tummy tuck. (If I were to ever get the “girls” lifted, I wouldn’t tell. THAT lack of eye contact – and “gesturing” would creep me out.)

9. I’ve learned that the pain (mostly crampy) I’m feeling is INSIDE my abdomen, seemingly from the hysterectomy and not the tummy tuck. I’m thinking that all the organs which previously surrounded my giant uterus are now dukin it out for the newly available real estate. There’s very little incision pain from the tummy tuck. Still too much swelling and numbness. Even the tightened abdominal muscles aren’t really painful. It just feels like I did 2000 crunches. Yesterday.

10. I’ve learned that I really don’t like sleeping on my back.

11. I’ve learned one of my stupid cats believes I’m his personal jumping stepping stone.

12. I’ve learned that my cat can fly. And land on all four feet. Three times in a row.

13. I’ve learned that my cat has a steep learning curve. Or that he suffers from short term memory loss.

14. I’ve learned that this was the PERFECT year and time of year to have these surgeries! It has worked out really, really well.

15. I’ve learned that am incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful, selfless husband who tolerates loves me, even when I’m dishing the cranky because I can’t do anything I’m used to doing.

16. I’ve learned that my kids can be selfless and sweet. Sometimes. When I really NEED them to be.

17. I’ve learned that I need a nap. And a temporary cleaning service. And a rented dumpster for the driveway.

To find out what others learned this week, check out What I Learned this Week hosted by Musings of a Housewife.

9 thoughts on “ibuprofen, eye contact & a retarded cat.

  1. you may want to look at an alternative to ibuprofen, a natural anti inflammatory 3rd party test results and my personal testimony! Let me know if you’re open to the info.

  2. Take the nap for sure- often! Hopefully hubby and kiddos will jump in and tackle some of the cleaning, but what remains undone really doesn’t matter in the long run. You need to recover, and it DOES take a while,so take it easy! (okay, enough lecture for now…)
    :)Have a restful evening.

  3. Cats really do have a short memory for some things and a very long memory for the taste of canned cat food LOL

    I’m so happy that you have progressed from Percoset to Ibuprofen – getting off the strong pain relievers is a good thing.

  4. Ouch. The cat part that is. That memory came painfully back, and “back”. The most tender part of the body is where they choose to land, lie upon or just knead. The learning curve is proportionate to the number of swats or water sprays. Have FirstHusband give you a water spray bottle. It works.

    And I ditto the nap suggestion.

  5. Item 8 is too funny. I haven’t seen you since your surgery so I know I am not the guilty party. 🙂

  6. I totally feel you! Ibuprofen doesn’t do much…neither does Tylenol. And I have a retarded cat too. He’s like a toddler. When I tell him, “NO”, I could swear that he laughs at me.

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