1. I’ve learned that 400 mg of ibuprofen pales in comparison to ANY mg of Percoset. Baby aspirin might be more effective at getting rid of pain. Or a chanting witch doctor.
2. I’ve learned that, with water, I can EASILY take four ibuprofen tablets at the same time. (A BIG thanks to the table-full of women at the 8th grade banquet last night who all informed me that 800 mg of ibuprofen is what I need!) And yes, you BET I’m taking them with food! Chocolate counts, right?
3. I’ve learned that I need to restock my personal mini-van pharmacy.
4. I’ve learned that I need to carry a bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of water with me everywhere I go for the next few weeks.
5. I’ve learned that I miss my Percoset. I gaze affectionately at the half-full bottle. Then I pop my ibuprofen instead, get in my van and drive to where ever I have to go with no narcotic impairment. 🙁
6. I’ve learned that when doctors say that recovery from an abdominal hysterectomy is 6 weeks, they aren’t just saying that in an effort to protect themselves from a malpractice suit.
7. I’ve learned that when I tell people I had a hysterectomy and a tummy tuck, they only hear “tummy tuck.”
8. I’ve learned that when I tell women I’ve had a tummy tuck, most of them verbally express their jealously of me while abandoning eye contact in favor of staring at my abdomen – while they blatantly rub their own tummy and fantasize about the results of their own tummy tuck. (If I were to ever get the “girls” lifted, I wouldn’t tell. THAT lack of eye contact – and “gesturing” would creep me out.)
9. I’ve learned that the pain (mostly crampy) I’m feeling is INSIDE my abdomen, seemingly from the hysterectomy and not the tummy tuck. I’m thinking that all the organs which previously surrounded my giant uterus are now dukin it out for the newly available real estate. There’s very little incision pain from the tummy tuck. Still too much swelling and numbness. Even the tightened abdominal muscles aren’t really painful. It just feels like I did 2000 crunches. Yesterday.
10. I’ve learned that I really don’t like sleeping on my back.
11. I’ve learned one of my stupid cats believes I’m his personal
jumping stepping stone.
12. I’ve learned that my cat can fly. And land on all four feet. Three times in a row.
13. I’ve learned that my cat has a steep learning curve. Or that he suffers from short term memory loss.
14. I’ve learned that this was the PERFECT year and time of year to have these surgeries! It has worked out really, really well.
15. I’ve learned that am incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful, selfless husband who
tolerates loves me, even when I’m dishing the cranky because I can’t do anything I’m used to doing.
16. I’ve learned that my kids can be selfless and sweet. Sometimes. When I really NEED them to be.
17. I’ve learned that I need a nap. And a temporary cleaning service. And a rented dumpster for the driveway.