consistency Archives - Page 7 of 9 - Pragmatic Compendium

authentic vs. hurtful.

Posted on June 9, 2010June 9, 2010 by Julie Stiles Mills

Thank you to Heather at God in the City for prompting this post. It’s been a long time coming.

For me, one of the most difficult things about being authentic is that it’s not possible to be authentic in a vacuum. Exposing my weaknesses inevitably walks the line of exposing the weakness of another person. And that’s not my call to make.

A significant number of my internal struggles stem from my relationships with other people. When the challenges I’m faced with require the factoring in of what other people do and say, how do I externally work through them?

I usually don’t. I work through things INternally. But never showing anyone my “dark side” can leave people thinking I’m obnoxiously perfect. Let me be the first to tell you. I’m not.

Let’s take one example. I’ll keep it as generic as possible. What do I do about a particular relationship that nags at me? When, in real life, I want to look emotionless at this person and say:

“Sarcasm and passive aggressive manipulation and the silent treatment do not move me, so you might as well find the courage to say what you really mean and/or ask for what you really want, because when you lash out with sarcasm all I hear is my own voice saying ‘Give her grace, Julie, this is all she’s capable of. She can’t control her anger. She doesn’t have the courage to communicate directly. This is it. This is all she’s got.'” Sarcasm and passive aggression and the silent treatment from her. Pity, and if I’m honest, very little respect from me.

What weaknesses am I exposing here? For those who know me well, one of them won’t be a shocker. On an emotional scale, I’m pretty much below the radar. Scream and yell at me. Go ahead. You know what I feel? Annoyed at the noise. And before you are finished, I’ve already decided to distance myself from you in the future. I admit this can be a problem. I’ve had a therapist tell me I have “issues.”

No duh.

Maybe I’ll write more on this particular character flaw another time.

But back to my example. Regardless of the weaknesses I might expose about myself, if I were to really work through this relationship, what weakness do I expose for the other person in this scenario? She appears to have said yes to more than she can handle. When she fails to meet the responsibilities required for a certain commitment in her life, she lets people down. She makes the job more difficult for the other people involved. Then she explains how busy she is and expects her excuse to be the equivalent of a free pass.

AGAIN.

Seriously?

Who is NOT busy? Anyone? Anyone?

I hear crickets.

EVERYone I KNOW is busy.

Nobody has more time than anyone else. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. And in those 24 hours, we have choices. Some choices are difficult choices. Some choices are so difficult we think there aren’t any choices. (Tangent: I can’t help thinking of people who are 24/7 caregivers to a loved one. If that’s you, please don’t try to go it alone. PLEASE choose to get help.)

In this case, the person has committed to SO. MANY. THINGS. And from my point of view (humanly flawed and self-centered, I know), I see this person getting a lot of accolades. Most of these commitments are very visible. Does she commit to all this for the affirmation she receives? If so, does she even know that’s why she commits to all this? When she talks about how overwhelmed she is, how many people express their sympathy for her impossible (and I do mean impossible) schedule?

You can probably guess I am not one of those people. When she plays the “busy” card with me to explain why she isn’t prepared, I got nuthin. Now that I know what she’s bringing (or not) to the table, I’ve got more work to do. Is it because I don’t respond with sympathy that I’m a target of the sarcasm and passive aggression and the silent treatment? Because those responses appear to be an uncontrollable defense mechanism. She seems angry with me. Is it because I don’t express sympathy when she talks about how overwhelmed she is? Is she angry because she thinks I’m judging her? I admit it. My opinion? I can’t depend on her.

When she complains about how overwhelmed she is, the little voice inside my head is saying “SOLVE. YOUR. PROBLEM. Make the hard choices. Decide what’s important. Give up the things that are least important to you. Consider the possibility that you are hogging a job somebody else really wants – and might do better.”

I had to face these issues myself and it was no cake walk.

I picked this scenario as an example because this other person is so busy she doesn’t have time for the internet and I kept it as generic as I possibly could. But can you see the problem? Writing about the things I struggle with is one thing, but publishing it on the internet can hurt people.

How do I reconcile that?

we don’t send our daughter to bed

Posted on May 19, 2010 by Julie Stiles Mills

We don’t send our daughter to bed. We put our daughter to bed. We spend a few minutes at the end of the day tucking her in, saying prayers and listening to her – really listening to her – and we are absolutely amazed at what she shares with us. The things she thinks about, the stuff she never mentions during the busyness of the day, comes pouring out.

During those few minutes, we get precious opportunities to help her consider ideas she hadn’t thought of before, to guide her through problem solving and relationship issues and to lead her to new conclusions. We get to talk about God and ideas and feelings and passions and fears and goals instead of the functional things of the day that include lunches, homework, chores, laundry, rides . . .

Sometimes, we just listen.

We only recently stopped these end of the day conversations with our near 15 year old son. Why, I wonder? Just because he’s becoming more and more independent every day? Because we don’t have a regular bedtime routine for him anymore? Or are we just being lazy? There’s a loveseat in his room that I need to sit on tonight.

I want my children to be thinking of these conversations as they drift off to sleep. I want these conversations to filter into their dreams. I want them to wake up with a vision of God as the center and compass of their lives, an awareness of possibility and a sense that they can influence their future by the choices they make and the actions they take.

What are your night time routines?

“It is incumbent upon us as stewards of these precious lives to introduce them to their potential, to lift their eyes off of today’s realities and focus them on tomorrow’s possibilities . . .

The most significant visions are not cast by great orators from a stage. They are cast at the bedsides of our children. The greatest visioncasting opportunities happen between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Monday through Sunday. In these closing hours of the day we have a unique opportunity to plant the seeds of what could be and what should be. Take advantage of every opportunity you get.”

Visioneering: God’s Blueprint for Developing and Maintaining Vision
by Andy Stanley

I’m still asking for your best/favorite/unique/effective PARENTING TIP

It can be a tip about ANYTHING. Regardless of the age or gender of the child – it can be pragmatic practices, logistics, shaping character, spiritual development, allowances, scheduling extra-curricular activities, nurturing talents and skills, potty training, dealing with tantrums, bedtime and sleeping habits, developing relationships with your teenager, cell phone limits, family policies, dealing with schoolwork, sibling relationships, dealing with a parent who travels a lot . . . ANYTHING that worked or is working for you!

Comment or write your own blog post and link to it in a comment. Share one tip or many!

THANKS!

Find more ideas over at Works for Me Wednesday, hosted by Kristen at We Are THAT Family. MY previous Works for Me Wednesday posts are HERE.

Works for Me Wednesday posts prior to February 2009 are archived at Rocks In My Dryer.

who are your advisors?

Posted on April 27, 2010April 27, 2010 by Julie Stiles Mills

I read, therefore I quote:

“Relationships protect us from myopia, selfishness and stupidity. They provide a mirror by which we can see ourselves, and they can help us to gain perspective when problems and immediate concerns turn us inward and threaten to dominate our lives. Spiritual advisers and Christian friends in particular are well suited to advise us, point out our strengths and weaknesses, and challenge us to think about life from an eternal perspective.”

The Will of God as a Way of Life: How to Make Every Decision with Peace and Confidence
by Jerry Sittser

I don’t believe I’m all that unique. There are those who’ve gone before me. Operating on the belief that there’s no shortage of people who have struggled with the very same things with which I struggle, I see no reason to start from scratch when it comes to problem solving and decision making. I’m a benchmarking kinda gal. I regularly seek out people who’ve done what I need and/or want to do. More importantly, I seek out people who’ve done those things WELL. Then I copy strive to emulate them. I’m ~~lazy~~ pragmatic that way.

And I can learn just as easily from someone else’s mistakes. My voracious desire to avoid the same mistakes made by others is a foundational source of my relentless pursuit to live intentionally and to choose on purpose rather than in a self-focused, emotional vacuum. I will NOT take lightly my opportunities to positively impact the people God has placed in my life and I will NOT be blind to the possible damage I can do by neglecting to pay attention and to act intentionally when I come face to face with those daily opportunities. I’ve seen the damage that results when someone regularly operates on the assumption that the only decision making criteria needed is their own personal opinion and how they feel at the time. (yes. I know. I have issues. but they are extremely motivating.)

Like Mr. Sittser, I regularly look to books for wisdom:

“I receive guidance from people whom I have never met, never spoken to, and never known personally. Though strangers to me, they have exercised profound influence over my life. I consult them when I have to make a decisions by reading their writings and biographies . . . [they] are the great ‘cloud of witnesses’ who are still available to guide us through life.”

There are those who’ve gone before you. Who are your advisors? Your counselors? Your mentors? If you can’t identify them, ask God to reveal them to you today.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”
Proverbs 19:20

pragmatic communion: no further uneasiness.

Posted on March 30, 2010April 2, 2010 by Julie Stiles Mills

Below is an excerpt from a devotion I posted over at Pragmatic Communion. Read the entire devotion HERE.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.”
Romans 8:1 (NIV)

I was introduced to the writings of Henri Nouwen through the writings of Philip Yancey and I’m finding in Mr. Nouwen a trait I gravitate to in writers: The willingness to be open about their weaknesses and the courage to publicly share their questions about God. When I read authors who allow me to see their confusion and doubt and take me with them, through their writing, to explore the possibilities, I am the better for it. They make me think about things outside my relatively tiny little world. And I believe that God, through these writers, sometimes teaches me what my life looks like through His eyes. Henri Nouwen is a case in point.

Nouwen, in seeking to answer the question, “What do we really desire?” believes the word “communion” seems to best summarize the desire of the human heart:

“Communion means ‘union with.’ God has given us a heart that will remain restless until it has found full communion. We look for it in friendship, in marriage, in community. We look for it in sexual intimacy, in moments of ecstasy, in the recognition of our gifts. We look for it through success, admiration, and rewards. But wherever we look, it is communion we seek . . .”

Henri Nouwen
The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life

My favorite coffee mug reads, “That which is good to know is difficult to learn.”

Ain’t it the truth?

Why is this so difficult to learn? Why is it so difficult to remember that these temporary distractions stand in the way of experiencing the communion with God that really satisfies and fills me with the peace of God I crave? (CLICK HERE to continue reading the complete devotion on Pragmatic Communion.)

therefore I quote: Andy Stanley

Posted on March 25, 2010January 30, 2020 by Julie Stiles Mills

I read, therefore I quote:

“Vision gives significance to the otherwise meaningless details of our lives . . . It’s the difference between filling bags with dirt and building a dike in order to save a town. There’s nothing glamorous or fulfilling about filling bags with dirt. But saving a city is another thing altogether. Building a dike gives meaning to the chore of filling bags with dirt. And so it is with vision . . .

Too many times the routines of life begin to feel like shoveling dirt. But take those same routines, those same responsibilities, and view them through the lens of vision and everything looks different . . .

Visioneering: God’s Blueprint for Developing and Maintaining Vision
Andy Stanley

This is why I can sit in the bleachers for four hours at track meet to watch my son run a total of less than TWO MINUTES. This is why I let my daughter listen to her Mulan Jr. rehearsal CD for HOURS in the car. And in the family room. And in the bathroom. For 15 weeks. It’s why I don’t get angry about the fact that my husband’s work schedule often puts me in “single parent” mode. This is why I’m pausing the drafting of this post to go to lunch with my daughter at school right now.

. . . two days later.

I do these things because I see a bigger picture. I want my children to know, really KNOW that I’m their advocate. I’m home base. I’m the safe house. I’m to be trusted. Depended on. NO. MATTER. WHAT.

And I’ll tell you something. I don’t do it because I’m all that. I do it because I’m damaged. And I’m freakishly, relentlessly determined to BREAK the cycle. Come hell or high water, four hour track meets or obsessive rehearsing, broken glasses, gouges in the wood floor, dishes piled in the sink, 23 rolling water bottles in the floor of my van – MY children will not be damaged in the same way I was. (of course, they will be damaged in other ways – their therapist will tell them how later).

So yes. I relentlessly strive to choose on purpose because I’ve seen what “going with the flow” looks like. Significantly less than optimal. (ya know I edited THAT)

My son may not sit next to me at the track meet, but I’m confident – he’s glad I’m there. He ASKED me to be there. My TEENAGER asked me to be there. I see this as an honor, not four hours in captivity. I know that my daughter takes me and my rides to and from her rehearsals for granted. Now. But she’s nine. And when SHE has a child and drives them around, spending hours in the car everyday, my hope and prayer is that she remembers that I did that for her – and I didn’t complain about it. For years. Because I want her to know and extend grace without letting someone know how put out she was to do it. As we say around here, “It ain’t grace when you give it that way.”

So, yes. When I decide to do something, I give it my best effort. Because I see more than the tasks. I see the REASON behind the tasks. I have lots of hidden agendas and I take advantage of opportunities to teach by example. And by example, that includes asking for forgiveness when I lose my patience with my husband or one of my kids or speak harshly and hurt their feelings. It includes making things right when I do things wrong. And believe me, there’s plenty of “making things right” on my To Do List. Caring for my family is job one. Each one of them is a gift from God and I’m determined – and I mean DETERMINED – to be a good steward of His gifts. I’ve had a close up look at “reactive” parenting and my personal, long term struggle with the negative consequences has been life changing and tenaciously motivating. I’ve seen good enough. And it ain’t.

I chose to be intentional. Consistently intentional. Because I’ve known for a very long time that I was being prepared for a “good work.” And I know, from someplace deep and buried inside me, that if I allow myself to be used by God to do so, I can partner with Him to equip my children and husband for His good work too.

therefore I quote: MacDonald & Lewis

Posted on March 11, 2010March 19, 2010 by Julie Stiles Mills

I read, therefore I quote Gordon MacDonald and C.S. Lewis:

“Years ago, my father wisely shared with me that one of the great tests of human character is found in making critical choices of selection and rejection amidst all of the opportunities that lurk in life’s path. ‘Your challenge,’ he told me, ‘will not be in separating out the good from the bad, but in grabbing the best out of all the possible good.’ He was absolutely correct. I did indeed have to learn, sometimes the hard way, that I had to say no to things I really wanted to do in order to say yes to the very best things . . .

If we are to command our time, we will have to bite the bullet and say a firm but courteous no to opportunities that are good but not the best.

Once again that demands, as it did in the ministry of our Lord, a sense of our mission . . . What do we do best with our time? What are the necessities without which we cannot get along? Everything else has to be considered negotiable: discretionary, not necessary.

I love the words C.S. Lewis wrote in Letters to an American Lady about the importance of these choices:

‘Don’t be too easily convinced that God really wants you to do all sorts of work you needn’t do. Each must do his duty ‘in that state of life to which God has called him’ . . . there can be intemperance in work just as in drink. What feels like zeal may be only fidgets or even the flattering of one’s self-importance . . . By doing what ‘one’s station and its duties’ does not demand, one can make oneself less fit for the duties it does demand and so commit some injustice. Just you give Mary a little chance as well as Martha.'”

Ordering Your Private World
Gordon MacDonald

What C.S. Lewis refers to as “that state of life to which God has called him’ I frequently refer to as a “season” of life. There are seasons for things, as I mentioned at the end of my last therefore I quote post. I want to do everything I want to do, if you know what I mean, but I CAN’T.

I see friends working themselves to the point of sickness and stressing their minds and bodies to the point of exhaustion and poor health and ineffectiveness and I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I reacted to the demands of life and other people in my life and I just moved forward, taking action without contemplating whether I should. Without evaluating my capabilities and time limitations and without realizing the impact of adding responsibilities without letting go of others.

As a result, I failed. I failed in many ways. I failed friends, family, employers and clients. I did many things – none of them very well, in my opinion. I gained weight. My body got weaker. I got pneumonia three times and bronchitis so many times I lost count. I was cranky and irritable from a lack of both sleep and solitude. Overwhelmed with responsibilities, some of which resulted from poor, unthoughtful choices on my part.

Then, one by one, I began making hard and intentional choices. Saying no to things that were good, but not best. When I gave up a responsibility, someone else filled my shoes. In some cases, the jobs got done just as well and sometimes better than I did them. A blow the ego, yes. But the time I’ve found has been it’s own reward. More time with my family in this tiny season of life before my kids grow up. Time for solitude and a personal, daily time with God. Time to exercise and make healthy food choices for both myself and my family.

There are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do right now. I don’t have the energy or stamina or skills or knowledge . . . I have to DECIDE what’s important in THIS season of my life and focus on those things. Other things will have to wait. The hard part is, some things may have to wait forever.

“. . . therefore I quote” Thursday: If you have a quote to share from something you’ve read recently, feel free to comment and/or include a link to your own “quote” post.

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therefore I quote: Mark Atteberry

Posted on March 4, 2010November 14, 2011 by Julie Stiles Mills

I read, therefore I quote:

“Every time Christians are talking and the subject of excellence comes up, you can bet somebody will say, ‘It doesn’t really matter if things are done perfectly, as long as our hearts are right. After all, we’re not professionals.’ And there is truth in that statement. However, it’s a very short step from there to mediocrity . . . “

Mark Atteberry
“The 10 Dumbest Things Christians Do“

Mr. Atteberry gives three reasons why excellence matters. The first is that God loves excellence. To support his premise, he refers to and discusses a number of Bible verses, including Genesis 1:31 and Psalm 145:1-7. Mr. Atteberry’s second thought on the idea that excellence matters is that the Bible commands excellence and he refers to Colossians 3:23 which reads “Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” And finally, Mr. Atteberry claims that excellence is important because people respond to excellence.

“We all need to realize – like it or not – that we’ll probably get one chance to make a good impression. If what people see and experience when they walk through our doors is slipshod and disorganized, we likely will never see them again. And who knows, we may have soured them on church once and for all. Imagine the cumulative effect on the kingdom if thousands of churches across the country are making the same mistake.”

I love the following quote from Mr. Atteberry. I reminds me of Winston Churchill’s quote: “It’s not enough that we do our best, sometimes we have to do what’s required.”

“Excellence is intentional. It happens when people make a conscious choice to meet its requirements . . .”

These five requirements of excellence have had me pondering for a few weeks (emphasis mine):

“Let me mention five qualities that excellence, especially as it relates to our kingdom responsibilities, will always require:

Courage . . . there are many obstacles . . . such as apathy, a lack of funds, or small faith. But there are also shotgun-toting lovers of the status quo who view any disruption of their comfort zone as a personal attack . . . Many Christians have recognized the need for change in their churches, and even longed for it, but declined to pursue it because they knew it couldn’t be accomplished . . . they chose shallow harmony over effectiveness . . . Personally, I have never regretted choosing excellence over peace.

Giftedness . . . One of the greatest obstacles to excellence in the church is the mismanagement of God’s gifts. Too many people are not serving in their area of giftedness. There are three ways this can happen . . . some people have no idea what their gifts are. It might be because they’ve never thought about it. Or it might be because they’ve been lied to . . . some people know what their gifts are but they refuse to serve in that area . . . some people know what gifts they lack but insist on serving in those areas anyway . . . No one ever wants to admit that he’s not the right person for the job, but sometimes it’s the truth. Excellence requires that we serve in area where we can do the most good . . . and the least harm.

Money . . . The simple truth is that quality costs. Fact #1: Quality costs more, but generally pays for itself in the long run. Fact #2: Quality equipment and resources will be a blessing to your servants. Fact #3: High quality always makes a great first impression. Fact #4: A commitment to quality says something about your love for the Lord.

Thorough Planning and Preparation . . . concerns about spontaneity, while sometimes legitimate, are just as often an excuse for not planning and preparing . . . God can do plenty of inspiring during the planning and preparation stage . . . whoever said that having a well-thought-out plan means you can’t deviate if the Lord does move in a mighty way . . . Nobody is good enough to wing it all the time and keep producing topflight results. You show me a person who insists upon flying by the seat of his pants in his service to the Lord and I’ll show you solid candidate for membership in the Slipshod Hall of Fame.

Perseverance . . . you will be surrounded by people who don’t see things the way you do. You’ll encounter people who have chosen mediocrity as a lifestyle. They’re comfortable in it and will resent your efforts to change things . . . your passion for excellence is going to be very difficult for them to understand . . . some people who have the best of intentions are simply blind to mediocrity . . . can look right at a slipshod, disorganized mess and not see a problem. If you start talking about changing it, they’ll give you a blank stare and say, “Why?”

Hang in there and give your service to God your best effort . . . try harder. That extra effort you give might be the difference between some lost person being drawn in or driven away.”

I can NOT do everything I want to do WELL. When I’ve tried, I’ve ended up doing things “good enough.” If you know me, you probably know what I think of “good enough.”

If I’m passionate about something, if it’s important to me, I want and need to focus my time and energy on it. I’m passionate my relationship with God. I’m passionate about caring for my family. I’m passionate about speaking and teaching. I’m passionate about singing and leading faith based music. I’m passionate about reading and learning. But. If I try to focus my time and energy on those things while simultaneously, spending my finite amount of time and energy on other things which don’t support those passions – or, in some cases, are counter-productive to those passions, I get . . . mediocrity.

I’ve spent a considerable amount of time pondering and praying about my priorities. I know what’s important to me. The difficult thing is letting go of other things, which aren’t necessarily bad, and are sometimes even good, but just don’t fit within my goals.

We have a saying in our house concerning food – a chocolate Easter bunny, a pizza, a family size bag of chips, a half gallon of ice cream . . .”You can have it all, you just can have it all AT THE SAME TIME.”

I can be involved in lots and lots of activities and services. Just not at the same time. There are seasons for things. I have to know what’s MOST important to me NOW.

I have to choose on purpose. I have to do what’s required. I have to strive to do MORE than what’s required. God deserves my best effort.

“. . . therefore I quote” Thursday: If you have a quote to share from something you’ve read recently, feel free to comment and/or include a link to your own “quote” post.

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55 minutes.

Posted on June 5, 2009October 11, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

In the last few weeks, I’ve spent hours reading much on the paradox of evil and suffering vs. a loving and all powerful God. Hours. I’ve been thinking. learning. praying. blogging.

I began with the personal belief that God is loving, all-knowing and all-powerful – in spite of the evil and suffering in the world. I intentionally choose to accept this paradox. Intellectually, I don’t understand it. Emotionally, I hate it. Spiritually, I believe it.

But I was not ready.

Be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you. [Peter 3:15]

I had no answer other than, “I don’t understand it. I hate it. But I believe it.”

Not very pragmatic. So I went to books, as usual. I seek knowledge, as usual. I read C.S. Lewis for the first time. (The Problem of Pain) I read Philip Yancy for the first time. (Where is God When It Hurts?) I read Lee Strobel for the first time. (The Case for Faith) I read Herbert Lockyer. (Dark Threads the Weaver Needs) I’ve got a book list including John Piper’s Spectacular Sins and others. I’m still reading and I’m sure I’ll continue blogging about my learning curve and thoughts. But.

Today I watched a 55 minute video and it pulled everything together. E V E R Y T H I N G.

I paused it. Rewinded a few times. Made notes. Typed minute 48. Minute 48 is compelling to be sure. But the truth is that the entire video is compelling.

If you have ever – EVER – considered the “Is this all there is?” question, I promise you that this 55 minutes of your time won’t be wasted. Randy Pausch’s last lecture pales.

Rachel Barkey is dying of cancer. She is 37. She has two children under 5 years old. This is her testimony. Four things she has learned:

Know God.
Know Yourself.
Know the Gospel.
Know your Purpose.

She says in her blog that she wants to “finish well.” Helping to share her message is one small thing I can do to help her finish well. I can also pray.

Don’t have 55 minutes in one sitting? Watch a little at a time. Break it up and watch each of these “things she’s learned” separately. I challenge you, I encourage you, I beg you – to take 55 minutes out of the busyness and redundancy of daily life and think on these things.

Here’s minute 48:

“I am dying.

But so are you.

Neither of us knows if we will even see tomorrow. And perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world is because he is waiting for you. For you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to him for forgiveness.

Maybe you are the one we are waiting for.

Jesus suffered. God did not spare him. Why would he spare me? If my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.

Does that seem strange?

I suppose it does.

But really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all.

A God who sees my suffering but is is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it? With no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me and he will. But save me from what?

From a life without him.”

Rachel’s message contains my answer.

Thank you JanMary for the link to this powerful video.

summer already?

Posted on May 18, 2009October 12, 2016 by Julie Stiles Mills

Yep.

One more full day of school (Tuesday) and two more half days (Wednesday and Thursday). That’s it. Then “Mayhem” is officially OVER for us!

Early!

So here, at the BEGINNING of summer are the:

GOOD THINGS:
No more crack of dawn alarm clocks!
No more struggle from bed to shower to breakfast to car every morning!
No more car line!
No more packing lunches the night before!
No more laying out clothes the night before!
No more packing backpacks the night before!
No more permission slips!
No more fundraisers!
No more check writing for this and that, and this and that.
(FirstHusband calls it the death of a thousand paper cuts.)
No more multiple trips to school in one day.
No more HOMEWORK!

Every summer, I like the kids to tackle LEARNING something. Because – if left to their own devices – they would completely VEG in front of video games and television while constantly complaining about how BORED they were. So here are:

THE PLANS:
Minimum of 1/2 hour of LEARNING every day
PinkGirl has decided to continue learning computer keyboarding and math everyday. We like online typing games. We also got our own copy of her 2nd Grade math book last summer and we are ordering our own copy of her 3rd Grade math book this summer.
FavoriteSon has decided to continue learning to play the guitar. I think he should learn something else too. Poor guy. He doesn’t know yet.

Minimum of 1/2 hour of READING every day.
PinkGirl has decided to start with her BoxCar Children books.
FavoriteSon has no preference so FirstHusband and I have picked some out for him to start:
The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel and Slaying the Dragon: How to Turn Your Small Steps to Great Feats by Michael Johnson.

Minimum of 1/2 hour of physical activity every day:
PinkGirl has the redneck pool (photo HERE), so that’s not usually an issue, except for rain.
FavoriteSon has some sports camps, but on the days he doesn’t, he has committed to strength training and basketball. I’m committed to getting back to a two minute plank before he can do one. He knows I can’t do any strength training until after June 16th, so he’s slacking.

So, learning, physical activity and reading. What else? Any ideas?

I’m thinking I might “strongly encourage” each of them to plan and cook a meal or two, or four per month. It rains every afternoon in the summer anyway, it’s not like we’ll be in the pool at that time of day.

Let’s finish up with a preview of a few GOOD things about summer being OVER:

I will be able to complete a thought.
I will be able to hear clocks tick in the solitude I will have been deprived of for nearly 3 months.

Find more ideas over at Works for Me Wednesday, hosted by Mary at Giving Up on Perfect.

Works for Me Wednesday posts prior to January 2015 are archived at We Are THAT Family

Works for Me Wednesday posts prior to February 2009 are archived at Rocks In My Dryer

a loving God. evil and suffering.

Posted on April 17, 2009September 4, 2012 by Julie Stiles Mills

I’ll be thinking via my fingertips today. Given the extent of the topic, I’m sure I’ll rinse and repeat so additional thoughts and insights are very much sought after.

I’m reading The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel. (Click HERE for his youtube testimony.) In this book, Strobel attempts to “investigate” the most common obstacles to the Christian faith. He calls these obstacles “the Big Eight.” I’m reading about Obstacle #1.

“Since Evil and Suffering Exist, a Loving God Cannot.”

Why am I reading this? I was led. Compelled. There are so many struggling. Suffering. All ages, genders and walks of life. Suffering physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially. Children died this week. Children die every week. A young mother at my church lost her battle with cancer the day before a friend who defeated stage 4 breast cancer got her breast reconstruction.

I pray. For people I know, and people I don’t. I pray for strength and comfort. For peace.

I pray because I personally believe a loving God does exist, despite the evil and suffering in the world. But in my prayers, unspoken, was always “Why?”

My auto-pilot answer was “Have faith in God.” But in truth? I had nuthin. Except that whole “then we shall see face to face” thing. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

If there is a loving God, why is there pain and suffering in the world?

I’m 44, for crying out loud. I’ve been a Christian for nearly 30 years! I should to be able to ANSWER THE QUESTION instead of mumbling words like “sin” and “test of faith” and “God’s will” and “free will” or quoting scripture to Christians, agnostics and atheists alike. Scripture. Not a credible resource for agnostics and atheists. Quote the Bible if it makes you feel better, but when I’m talking to someone who doesn’t believe the Bible to be the Living Word of God, or to a person who doesn’t even believe in God, I need to approach the conversation in a different way. God can use other books and resources besides the Bible. He can use a sunset, a song or an impossible coincidence. He can even use my personal experience and fallible human intellectual understanding. He is that good. (I just need to gain some intellectual understanding and identify my personal experience.)

Besides not being able to intelligently articulate a reasonable response when talking to others, I personally didn’t like not having answers to the “why” question and the “how can there be a loving God” question. And I believed there were answers. Just because I didn’t know what they were, didn’t mean there weren’t any. This week, I found myself no longer comfortable just believing and trusting in God and accepting suffering without question. (Which I did, by the way.) For some reason, I’m at a place in my life where I want to know WHY I believe what I believe about this issue and be able to explain myself to Christians and non-Christians alike.

Wait. Don’t go off and comment yet, telling me “the” answer. Bear with me. I want to work through this one pragmatic step at a time. I’ve had discussions with “strong” Christians, “longtime” Christians, pastors and FirstHusband. I’ve read the Bible, commentaries, and books. Nothing seemed REASONABLE. The Christians were often patronizing and/or vague, attributing my doubt – or questioning or whatever you want to call it – to a lack of faith or an immature Christian. Because they really believed I lacked faith or was immature? Or to cover up the fact that they themselves weren’t able to effectively articulate an answer either? Back then, I believed it was me. After this week? Not so much. Because I found two authors who were able to articulate their reasoning in a way that resonates with me. It’s not that they “told” me the answer to these questions so much as they rounded up many of my thoughts on the matter (conscious and not) and were able to lay them out in an organized, reasonable way.

Let me back up a bit, before the resonating, and answer a likely question. What have I been doing all these years, with this seeming contradiction between suffering and a loving God?

Years ago, FirstHusband gave me the thought that allowed me to let the contradiction rest – until now. In discussing why a loving God allows human suffering, we had a lot to talk about. In the end, it was this:

Could it be (I said COULD) that one (I said ONE) reason people suffer is so the world can see the difference between how a Christian and a non-Christian deals with the suffering? The theory is that Christians have a hope, strength, peace and comfort that comes from God. Now THAT, I’ve seen. On more than one occasion. And so have you.

But what about non-Christians who approach adversity with a seemingly positive outlook? What about non-Christians who overcome obstacles to make things better or inspire us? Randy Pausch never professed Christianity. Neither has John Walsh. Both remarkable men, who, when faced with tragedy, responded much like we expect Christian men would. And what about the Christians who react to tragedy with anger, blame God or who fall apart and shut down? Non-Christians blame God, fall apart and shut down. It can go both ways.

So I personally choose to believe that there IS a loving, all-powerful God despite the seemingly contradicting evidence of evil and suffering present in the world. For years, I’ve been able to fumble around the God-speak, quoting scripture and using words like faith, free will, sin, and God’s Will, but I’ve never before formulated an intelligent response which adequately, logically, PRAGMATICALLY addresses the question AND the objections to the pat, theological answers.

Faced with the multiple tragedies of the death of her uncle and and her aunt’s diagnoses of Alzheimer’s disease and terminal cancer, Lee Strobel’s wife said:

“If someone thinks he can wrap everything up in a neat little package and put a fancy theological bow on it, go somewhere else.”

I don’t want to be “someone” or “go somewhere else.” So, here are some questions and issues I’m going to work through:

Is evil evidence FOR God?
If God is all-POWERFUL, why doesn’t He stop or lessen suffering?
What does “less” suffering mean anyway?
If God is all-KNOWING, what does He know that we don’t?
How can we say that God is good when He allows evil and suffering?

What other questions or issues do you see?