oh, you get to see the ugly now. My last few 5 minute posts have been in line with my goal to spring/deep clean my kitchen, but today’s post is about a DAILY struggle.
I have to believe that my kitchen counter is not the only one with magical magnetic properties. Magical in that it attracts all materials, not just metal.
We’ve got paper, plastic, wood, glass, medicine, vitamins, food items, cleaning supplies, a doorknob (don’t ask), even flat out GARBAGE. Maybe if I put the garbage can ON the counter…
But I digress.
I decided to find out if I could clear it in 5 minutes. If so, maybe it won’t seem like such a daunting task in the future. Maybe if I SEE that I can do it in 5 minutes, I’ll be more likely to do it every day.
Bwahahaha! (in our house, that would be referred to the Zack and Cody laugh. a statement, followed by a brief pause, and then a burst of mocking laughter.)
Did I make it within 5 minutes?
I’ll admit right now that this was challenging, simply due to the distance I had to travel to put some of this stuff where it actually goes. Which is probably WHY it got dumped on the counter in the first place.
Nobody wanted to go the distance.
I did cheat a little bit and put the items that were supposed to go upstairs ON the stairs to carry up the next time I go.
You watch, the next 5 minute post will start with a picture of my cluttered staircase.
What can YOU clean in 5 minutes?
And I just want to state right now, that I am confident that I can not clear my minivan of CARbage in 5 minutes.
UPDATE @ 2:34pm: Right now, there’s only one thing on my kitchen counter. A crock pot full of Cream Cheese Chicken
“If you could tell people just ONE THING. What would it be?”
After a purely faith-based post, the next thought that came to mind was this:
“If you can’t change your circumstance, change your expectations.”
Don’t get me wrong, when presented with a problem, I’ve been called “tenacious” in my efforts to find a solution. (I took it as a compliment.) But sometimes, I’ll admit, a circumstance is beyond my influence, much less my control. Sometimes, I can’t change my circumstances. Sometimes, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, reasonably or not, that I shouldn’t even attempt to change my circumstances. (and ya know I hate it when that happens.)
So often, our frustration results from unmet expectations. That frustration often leads to anger, sometimes to sadness and frequently, to a boatload of behaviors we regret, words we wish we could take back, and hurts we would inflict upon ourselves if only it meant we could spare those whom we caused pain.
One thing I consistently strive to do is to adapt my expectations to whatever circumstances I face. Rather than trying to force things to go the way I think they should, or to manipulate situations to be the way I want them to be, or (what I desperately, vehemently, REFUSE to do) to scream at people I love or have never met before, complain to anyone I can trap, or constantly mumble in discontent, making everyone around me uncomfortable, I try to figure out how God can be glorified by the fact that I’m smack in the middle of those circumstances.
Why did God allow me to be here? What does He want me to do?
One blessing God gave me is a daughter who is what my counselor has called “undamaged Julie.” Maybe so. But what that ultimately means to me is that my daughter is very much different from me. Her behaviors and emotions are SOOO different than mine. She lives out loud and wears her emotions all over every body part, not just her sleeves. I’m . . . reserved.
So how do I handle that?
I have a totally different set of expectations for PinkGirl than I would for “my daughter.” And there is a difference. I don’t define PinkGirl from my own frame of reference. I don’t see her as an extension of myself, but rather as her own person. I provide encouragement and tangible support and instruction for her dreams and goals and I CAN NOT wait to find out what she will do next. And no. I do not find this response intuitive. It’s a determined choice I make, not because I’m a great mother, but because I’m damaged. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m reserved, remember?
(This was originally written when she was 7 years old, still so very relevant today.)
Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.] Colossians 3:21 The Amplified Bible
My daughter is a free spirit.
She sings. Loud. She sings Disney princess songs and hymns. Praise songs and jingles. She sings her own personal compositions. Sometimes they rhyme, sometimes not. Her own songs are l-o- n-g. She sings about everything. Love. Jesus. Her Heart. Disney. Sometimes she throws in a line about gross bodily functions before cracking herself up because it is SO hysterically funny. (She’s 7.) She sings in the car and doesn’t care who stares. She will climb to the top of a playground structure and sing her songs to an audience in the sky. She doesn’t care if people can hear her. She wants people to hear her.
Please don’t tell her to be quiet.
She dances. She twirls. She vogues. She bounces. She skips. She runs when and where there is open space. She swings. HIGH. She calls out “Watch me!” and wants me to take her picture. This is what happy looks like.
Please don’t tell her to sit still.
She loves to dress up. She can’t watch “Annie” without pausing the DVD player for multiple costume changes. She “invents” outfits and hairstyles. She wears prints with stripes, pink with orange and mismatched socks for “flair.” She loves lipstick and jewelry. She loves pink. Not pastel pink. PEPTO pink! BOLD pink.
Please don’t “correct” her wardrobe selections.
She loves to perform. The fireplace hearth is her stage. She wrote a play when she was in pre-kindergarten. She sat in a chair for hours on a Friday night, writing on one piece of paper after another. When it was all said and done, written on each piece of paper were the lines of each character in her play. When I typed it up for her later, she knew immediately which paper to read from next as she dictated the dialog for me. The spelling was creative, but the play was complete with a hero, a villain, a quest, and lots of songs to sing.
Please don’t tell her to “act like the other kids.”
She finds wonder in so many things. A lizard hiding in the grass. A crushed acorn. The shape of a cloud. She can’t go for a walk around the block without stopping every few feet to pick up a leaf, pet a neighbor’s cat or point out something interesting. She wants to see everything and go everywhere. And she wants to tell you all about it. Because it’s made such an imprint on her, she believes she should share it.
Please don’t make absentminded comments when she’s talking to you. She’s smart. She knows.
Don’t get me wrong. She’s not wild and undisciplined. She understands that she should whisper in a library, sit quietly attentive and respectfully listen to her teachers in class, and wear her uniform to school. She understands that sometimes she needs to follow directions instead of direct her own elaborate scripts. She knows to share and to take something she finds to lost and found. She knows that if we forget to pay for the case of soda under the grocery cart, that we are going back inside the store to make it right. She knows proper manners for the using the phone, how to handle a laptop computer and how to carry scissors. She understands that she can’t break out of line at school to chase a lizard or twirl. She knows not to run in a parking lot and to look both ways before she crosses the street. She knows to wear shorts under her skirts so no one can see “London” and that she can’t wear makeup to school and church. She even knows the only time her belly button should show in public is when she is wearing a bathing suit.
What she doesn’t know yet is that someday she may be too embarrassed to express herself “out loud” like she does now. She hasn’t spent time with “that” person. You know, the person who will try to convince her that her free and confident self-expression is inappropriate or wrong. The person who will introduce doubt and self-consciousness.
I pray that when faced with that person – that criticism – she is confident enough to stand strong and be herself. I refuse to silence her just because of what other people might think. I refuse to force her to wear what I think she should or tell her that she should only wear two braids, instead of six. I refuse to make her sit down when there’s no reason she can’t run. I refuse to squelch her spirit – just because it’s different than mine.
Sometimes it looks like she is dancing without music. She’s not. The music is in her heart. We can hear it if we just listen.
Not allowing your children to do innocent but different things is the logical outgrowth of a belief system that emphasizes the symbols of faith rather than it’s substance. This shallow religion measures success more by the image than by genuine authenticity.
Dr. Tim Kimmel
Grace Based Parenting
So, what do you do with meat that’s gotten a little freezer burn because it’s been left in the freezer longer than it should have been? Don’t throw it away!
“Freezerburn Soup” is a favorite in this house. Here’s how it works:
Around the holidays, FirstHusband smokes an abundance of meat in the smoker because he can’t seem to use his smoker unless he completely FILLS his smoker. Then, for days after, we eat all the smoked meat we can eat . . . and freeze all the smoked meat we can’t eat.
Then, just before the holidays the next year, we realize we need to make room for this year’s abundance of meat, so we start pulling out what’s left over from the year before. Often, it’s on the edge (or over the edge) of freezerburn. Rather than throw it out, FirstHusband invented Freezerburn Soup.
He fills the crockpot with the the frozen meat, covers it with vegetable stock (we freeze stock and store it flat in ziplock bags). He turns the crockpot on overnight and we wake to a great smelling kitchen. (And usually a counter of boiled over stock, but today wasn’t too much of a mess.) Then he removes the meat, lets it cool, de-bones it, puts it BACK in the crockpot with whatever veggies he can find.
By FirstHusband: “Add some earthy spices like coriander, sage, parsley sometimes even hickory smoked seasoning. The mix simmers in the crockpot all day making the house smell great.”
. . . and torturing FavoriteSon with the waiting.
That meat you thought was a goner has now been infused with stock for nearly 24 hours and is moist and tender!
Second to last step, a couple hours before serving, he adds wild rice. Then in the last 15 minutes, he adds 6-8 crushed bullion cubes. (I’ve put in a request to go easy on the bullion – the sodium is a little much for me.)
And then, if we’re lucky, we end up with this: half a crockpot of freezerburn soup. Unless we’re really hungry and eat the entire pot.
There’s not really a recipe for this, it turns out different every time because FirstHusband changes the spices each time. He’s also used pasta instead of rice before. I wonder what orzo would do for this soup? hmmm.
Until about two years ago, I didn’t think too much about my eyebrows. I plucked an obvious stray every once in a while, but for the most part, ehh.
Until September 6, 2008, when my manicurist abruptly told me I needed a brow wax. kinda harsh, but true. So I gave myself an early birthday present. It completely changed my eyes. I didn’t look tired! Even FirstHusband noticed a difference. I decided right then I was never going back to “natural” eyebrows. (BTW, I no longer have a manicurist. I’ve learned to do a better job, faster and cheaper, with no risk of fungus.)
Problem is, I have sensitive skin. When I put benzoyl peroxide on my face, I get a bright red welt. When I use certain moisturizers or eye makeup, my eyes swell and appear very, very tiny. When I get a brow (and lip) wax, I get lots of tiny clear water blisters that take 2 to 3 days to go away.
Nevertheless, I continued to get the waxing, figuring that a few days of blisters was the price I had to pay for arched brows and an “eyelash free” upper lip.
Until I tried threading. No blisters. Similar pricing. Long lasting. Check it out:
I tried threading a few months ago for the first time when I had my upper lip done. Today, I went back for a little “pick me up” and had my brows done too. Love it. Great shape. So fast – I was in and out of there in about 5 minutes! (Locals, I went to the little shop in the Oviedo Mall near the food court, to the left of the escalators. Can’t miss it. $11 for brows, $7 for upper lip, lasts months.)
(NOTE: My upper lip and brow area are bright red after. I make sure to give myself at least 15 to 20 minutes before I have to see humans. The redness is very noticeable.)
I’m probably going to try do it yourself threading for maintenance, but the speed and preciseness of the professionals can’t be beat for shaping. They can do an entire line at once – and they actually get exactly what they aim for. I’m not that good. I’ll be going for the strays, one or two at a time. Here’s the ebay tutorial that gives me the confidence (or cockiness) to try maintenance myself:
We don’t send our daughter to bed. We put our daughter to bed. We spend a few minutes at the end of the day tucking her in, saying prayers and listening to her – really listening to her – and we are absolutely amazed at what she shares with us. The things she thinks about, the stuff she never mentions during the busyness of the day, comes pouring out.
During those few minutes, we get precious opportunities to help her consider ideas she hadn’t thought of before, to guide her through problem solving and relationship issues and to lead her to new conclusions. We get to talk about God and ideas and feelings and passions and fears and goals instead of the functional things of the day that include lunches, homework, chores, laundry, rides . . .
Sometimes, we just listen.
We only recently stopped these end of the day conversations with our near 15 year old son. Why, I wonder? Just because he’s becoming more and more independent every day? Because we don’t have a regular bedtime routine for him anymore? Or are we just being lazy? There’s a loveseat in his room that I need to sit on tonight.
I want my children to be thinking of these conversations as they drift off to sleep. I want these conversations to filter into their dreams. I want them to wake up with a vision of God as the center and compass of their lives, an awareness of possibility and a sense that they can influence their future by the choices they make and the actions they take.
What are your night time routines?
“It is incumbent upon us as stewards of these precious lives to introduce them to their potential, to lift their eyes off of today’s realities and focus them on tomorrow’s possibilities . . .
The most significant visions are not cast by great orators from a stage. They are cast at the bedsides of our children. The greatest visioncasting opportunities happen between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Monday through Sunday. In these closing hours of the day we have a unique opportunity to plant the seeds of what could be and what should be. Take advantage of every opportunity you get.”
I’m still asking for your best/favorite/unique/effective PARENTING TIP
It can be a tip about ANYTHING. Regardless of the age or gender of the child – it can be pragmatic practices, logistics, shaping character, spiritual development, allowances, scheduling extra-curricular activities, nurturing talents and skills, potty training, dealing with tantrums, bedtime and sleeping habits, developing relationships with your teenager, cell phone limits, family policies, dealing with schoolwork, sibling relationships, dealing with a parent who travels a lot . . . ANYTHING that worked or is working for you!
Comment or write your own blog post and link to it in a comment. Share one tip or many!
This week, the Works for Me Wednesday blog carnival is reversed. Instead of posting a great idea that works for me, I’m supposed to ask for tips. So here’s the deal. I’ve been outlining a book about pragmatic parenting and I’m looking for ideas outside my own resources and experience.
What is your best/favorite/unique/effective PARENTING TIP?
It can be a tip about ANYTHING. Regardless of the age or gender of the child – it can be pragmatic practices, logistics, shaping character, spiritual development, allowances, scheduling extra-curricular activities, nurturing talents and skills, potty training, dealing with tantrums, bedtime and sleeping habits, developing relationships with your teenager, cell phone limits, family policies, dealing with schoolwork, sibling relationships, dealing with a parent who travels a lot . . . ANYTHING that worked or is working for you!
Comment or write your own blog post and link to it in a comment. Share one tip or many!
Since September of 2007, I’ve been working with a personal trainer, focusing on strength training. I had some physical challenges, but since my hysterectomy last year, I’ve been much more consistent and I’m up to three days per week. And I’ve finally gotten to a place where the arthritis in my neck hardly ever necessitates the use of my home traction device. I’m feeling stronger and healthier than I have in a very, very long time and I’m very determined to continue getting stronger as I get older, not weaker.
But I’ve always struggled with maintaining a consistent cardio workout. I like maximizing my time. I like to be pragmatic. So when it came to incorporating cardio into my daily life, I wanted . . .
to multitask:
No nagging – it’s safe – I promise. I only WALK on the treadmill. From 3.3 to 4 miles per hour. I do a little interval training, but no jogging. Doctor’s orders. Just walking. Resting the laptop on the treadmill console worked great – for certain things. Mostly passive, hands-off things. PERFECT for video training. PERFECT for reading onscreen. PERFECT for listening, learning and even rehearsing my praise team music for the week.
Not so perfect for typing. At 3.3 miles per hour, typing was possible, but annoying. And slow. And I was worried that I would knock the laptop off the treadmill because it was perched with the left side higher than the right.
Then I tried this:
Even more annoying. Too tiny. And the touch pad – with no independent buttons for clicking – ANNOYING. I was constantly clicking AWAY from things I wanted to click ON. arrg.
Then, Saturday morning, I asked my husband to think about what modifications could be made to provide a more stable surface for my laptop. I would also like room to put the house phone, my cell phone, the tv and cable remotes (in case I wanted to watch TV instead), a bottle of water and a small towel.
oh, don’t worry. He knew I was high maintenance when he married me.
Look what my man can do with $10, some power tools and a few hours!
I’m LOVING this! Stable, with plenty of room and it even has a cutout so I can see the console panel. I still need to paint it, but it’s been three days and I absolutely LOVE it! In addition to the hands free tasks, I can type!!! So easy! I can facebook, tweet and blog, all while walking. The time FLIES by!
The TV is mostly for FirstHusband and FavoriteSon (in case you’re new to Compendium, that would be my ONLY husband and my ONLY son). They use the small TV directly in front of the treadmill to play video games. It’s hooked up as a second monitor to the game system and larger TV on the other side of the room. It’s also hooked up to the cable box, so we can watch TV too.
Now THIS is a sustainable cardio workout. What kind of sustainable workout routine works for you?
BTW, I just counted almost FIFTY treadmills listed on the Central Florida Craigslist since MONDAY. Just in case you’re interested.
and just in case you missed this video earlier this week . . .
Just last month, I wrote a “therefore I quote” blog post about foregoing what’s “good” to make room for what’s “best.”
I never listen to me.
And do I listen to God? Thankfully he’s patient. But He got my attention yesterday. With an iron. ouch.
For years, I’ve tinkered with ebay and consignment. Gathering up unneeded stuff and listing it on ebay, taking a load of stuff to the consignment shop for resale. Watching ebay snipers at the end of one of my auctions, spending consignment store credit instead of money. It’s fun. It’s work, but it’s fun. And in return, I get a little (and mean a LITTLE) extra cash for my effort.
Unfortunately, for about two years, I hadn’t physically been able to do it so much. I was thankful I could keep up with daily life, forget dealing with purging or spring cleaning for ebay and consignment or any type of home project. Struggling with chronic anemia for 18 months or so, along with the escalating and life-intruding problems associated with the fibroid tumors I had for decades, then the hysterectomy that knocked out both the anemia and the fibroid tumors, but required months of recovering from major surgery . . . by the fall of last year, I was finally starting to feel “normal” again. I enjoyed becoming more active, spending time DOING things with my family instead of . . . not.
Then, in November and December of last year, one of my clients upgraded and I got a LOT of work. A LOT of work.
And I had an epiphany.
I was organizing stuff we no longer needed, spending hours cleaning and prepping and listing it/taking it to the thrift shop for sale and making a pittance. I mean a PITTANCE. When I had the courage and intention to factor in the hours spent – my “hourly wage” turned out to average less than I made babysitting in middle school. In the 1970s. Let’s face it. There are a lot of people who can do this and make it worth the effort.
I am not one of them.
And then, out of the blue, God provided a tremendous blessing through a client project. A financial and professional and personal blessing I could NEVER begin to match in my efforts to sell on ebay or consignment.
So my epiphany? God’s prompting? I need to LET IT GO. I need to GIVE IT AWAY. I need to write off the donations using It’s Deductible. I need to GIVE to charities who provide affordable clothing and household items to low-income families – and frugal shoppers trying to stretch their income, like me. By the grace of God, my family can survive without making money on our excess. And I obviously don’t love this activity enough to do it well or I would be making a lot more money! By spending my time selling this stuff, I’m being short-sighted and leaving myself no time and no room in my life for what’s “best.”
If I give up this particular activity, I will gain HOURS to spend on other work – work that could bring a lot more personal and professional and financial rewards than these distracting, time consuming, focus breaking tangents do. If I’m serious about diversifying my business and beginning a vocational ministry in faith-based speaking, singing and writing, I’ve got OTHER THINGS I NEED TO BE DOING.
Okay. I had the epiphany. And I had the Red Cross pick up two huge loads of stuff in the last few months.
And then.
I was packing up for another Red Cross pickup on Friday morning and I came across some nearly new, name brand, outgrown clothes of PinkGirls.
“hmmm. I could sell these and get some “new” clothes for PinkGirl.”
But they need ironed. And right in the middle of ironing these clothes we DON’T NEED (I don’t iron the clothes we WEAR!!!!) . . .
I burned my arm with the iron. (See? Obviously a home appliance I’m not comfortable with)
And although I don’t believe God reached down and attacked me with the iron, I distinctly heard this message:
“I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GIVE THIS CRAP AWAY!!!!”
So, does God say the word “crap?”
Probably not. That was me, because I just got burned with an iron. (shhh. Nobody tell PinkGirl I said crap.) And the clothes I was ironing? Definitely not crap. (shhh again.)
But the message came through loud and clear:
“This isn’t about stuff and it isn’t about wasted time or ebay or consignment or fun or work or any of those things.
It’s about FAITH.”
It’s about me trying to control things. Doing what I can, in my feeble attempts, to provide extra money for my family, instead of trusting God to do it.
And I know He can do a better job than I can.
Stupid iron. I should give the it to the Red Cross. But I won’t. FirstHusband uses it.
Works for Me Wednesday is hosting a Greatest Tips edition this week, so here a few top viewed “Tip” posts from Pragmatic Compendium:
1. Easter Bunny Cake. (with decorating photos) I HAD to include this post. It’s been inflating my blog stats like CRAZY over the last month! On the Saturday before Easter, it got 3,709 views! In the last 30 days it got over TWELVE THOUSAND views. And two comments saying thanks for the tip. Very weird.
2. 5 Minute Onions in a Flash (Freeze) (how to freeze onions) This post, again with photos, has consistently stayed in my Top 10 list for nearly a year now.
3. shredding meat 101. (how to shred meat) Even with no photos (just links to videos), this post has also stayed in my Top 10 List since I posted it in August of 2008. Glad to help.
4. The Underwear Principle. This is the foundation of my organizing style, based on my response to my newlywed husband throwing his underwear on the floor in the same place every day. It works with EVERYTHING, not just underwear!
5. Don’t File Paper Anymore.Every January, this series on paper organization gets slammed with hits.
6. My High Fructose Corn Syrup Posts. There are two HFCS posts that get hit here at Compendium:
My first post: high fructose corn syrup “in moderation”, which was an informative post in response to those obnoxious commercials showing people silent and dumbfounded when asked “what they say” about high fructose corn syrup.
and my second post: “a response to Ms. CornRefiner’s comment which included the original comment and a full blown heckling response to the HFCS lobbyist who tried to highjack my blog with links to websites explaining how and why HFCS was good for me. I don’t think so.
We’ve made a big change here at Casa Aqua (the name Casa Aqua is a long story. Suffice it to say we are no strangers to dehumidifiers and industrial carpet fans). We ditched our straight backed wooden slat chairs (as comfy as they were) and have purchased four office desk chairs for our kitchen table. Take a look:
Last year we experienced a shift in homework time-continuum as FavoriteSon tried different locations to complete his homework. Neither of my kids likes to be isolated during homework time. Neither of them want a desk in their room to do said homework. I’m sure it’s because they just can’t bear to be apart from me.
(convincing and heartfelt pause)
Bwahahahaha!!!
But seriously, this is a good thing. Because they both tend to “daydream” (code word for mild ADD) and I find myself asking “Are you distracted?” “Whatcha doing?” and “Status report, please.” when I see them doing anything BUT homework.
By the end of last year, FavoriteSon’s homework location of choice was MY reading spot:
Reading Spot
He complained that the chairs at both our kitchen table and our dining table made his back hurt. I couldn’t disagree with him. So, we sometimes let him do his homework while sitting here. By the end of these evenings, he was sprawled across the loveseat, eyes drooping, pretty much useless. We would send him to bed and wake him up early to finish in the morning. On the days we forced him to sit at a table, the whining was frequent and escalating, extending the time he spent doing the homework in the chairs of pain. (physical pain for him, a whole NUTHER kind of pain for us.)
This year, we had a plan. We took the kids to Staples and Office Depot to pick out chairs. FavoriteSon settled right into a $90 chair. A little steep, but we agreed with the condition that he N E V E R complain about the seating for homework again. And that he MUST A L W A Y S sit at the kitchen table to do his homework.
PinkGirl kept picking out cushy velour chairs FirstHusband and I vetoed every one, envisioning a daily task of removing crusty food from an increasingly hard and stained surface. ewww.
We finally found a $70 chair for her that was COMPLETELY adjustable. The seat goes up and down and tilts forward and backward. The back goes forward and backward as well as up and down. The entire chair moves up and down. And the arms are adjustable.
Of course, it didn’t match FavoriteSon’s chair. And while I’m not opposed to the quirkiness of this “office chairs in the kitchen” idea, I DO have some sense of aesthetics (aka decorating), so we opted to get two and two. FavoriteSon and I have the same chair and FirstHusband and PinkGirl have the same chair. (So what do you think? Do I need a more contemporary table now? I can’t decide.)
Two evenings of homework and so far, so good.
And yes. I am sure I see scratches on the floor already. But I do not care. This floor has had “character” for years now. When my kids are grown and have moved out, I will have a beautiful kitchen floor. But in the words Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen): “It is not THIS day!”
And I’m okay with that. This works for me – and my family.
