i hate surgery.

I’ll be whining today. This is the I hate surgery list.

Feel free to add to it. My surgeries are probably wimpy compared to most.

1. I hate IV’s. I REALLY hate them. I dread them going in. The first thing I want to know when I wake up is WHEN I can take it OUT. I want it OUT. My bad experiences with IV’s are twofold:

Pumping an entire bag of saline in as fast as possible after my water broke with FavoriteSon. When saline is at room temperature and it goes into the human body it feels BURNING cold! I kept FirstHusband running for nearly an hour as he ran hot water over washrags and repeatedly draped them over my IV to warm it up.

One IV was put on the side of my wrist, under my thumb and it CONSTANTLY hurt because I couldn’t keep my wrist from bending for multiple days. And they had to keep redoing it because it got clogged. Most IV’s I’ve had are on the top of my hand. Still hate it.

Did I mention I HATE IV’s?

2. I HATE the stupid automatic blood pressure cuff that takes your blood pressure EVERY 20 minutes, whether you’re askeep or not. WHY is this necessary in life? Before the automatic torture device blood pressure cuff, nurses didn’t take blood pressure that often, did they? Who decided that 20 minute window? WHO? And it’s too tight, for crying out loud. OUCH.

3. I HATE anesthesia.

I don’t like going under. I HATE giving up my illusion of control. If I’m asleep, how am I supposed to be able to tell the doctors if they’re doing something wrong, like taking an ovary or amputating something on accident? How can I help them if I’m unconscious? The only good thing about anesthesia is that, from MY perspective the time between counting down from 100 to the time I hear, “How are you feeling?” in the recovery room is about 45 seconds.

Then I’m freezing cold. The warmed blankets are very nice, though.

And anesthesia makes me sleepy for DAYS. I won’t be able to walk 10 feet without a 2 hour nap. I won’t even be able to read or blog or . . . anything. Just sleep. What a waste of time!

4. I HATE stitches. They are gross and they take SO long to heal. I have to wear giant clothes that don’t touch my body. Just standing up takes about 15 to 20 minutes. Sitting back down again is no picnic either. Walking? Don’t wait for me.

I do love my Percoset, though. You want me to walk the day after my surgery? NO problem. One Percoset and I’ve been found shuffling a lap around the ward, holding onto my IV stand like a cane.

Tip: Wear TWO hospital gowns. First one backward, second one forward. Trust me. I’ve worn my own gowns in the hospital before. Didn’t work for me. Everyone wants to check out my incisions too often and it’s too much work. Plus, I don’t want to get blood stains on a nice gown. I’ll save the good stuff for home.

Dear God, I would really, really, really like this to be my last surgery. Please?

9 thoughts on “i hate surgery.

  1. Awww…..don’t have many words on this one. I’ve had too many surgeries myself. I hate the feeling of indignity more than anything.

    May your recovery be swift and your IV’s be painless.

  2. I could explain some of these, but–you really don’t want to hear them anyway. Whine away. You deserve it. 8^)

    Stephanie – Can you explain the 20 minute blood pressure cuff cycle? I don’t get it. (by JSM)

  3. Unfortunately I agree with your list. But one part of anesthesia that I do like is how completely deep the sleeping is. With my back surgery last year, I asked them to pump me full of anti-emetics which took care of the nausea. I didn’t even have the “shake and bakes” afterwards in recovery due to warming blankets and fluids. Will be praying for you, friend.

    Elle – “shake and bakes!” I’ve never heard it called that before. Perfect description! I always ask for “anti-nausea medication,” I didn’t know it was called an anti-emetic. I’m learning more every day. And I do love the deep sleep. I’m not sure how it fits with sleep cycles and REM sleep (anyone?) but it is really great. (by JSM)

  4. I suppose coming to visit you (to maybe poke fun) is out of the question?

    Heidi – Actually, Thursday after work, FirstHusband is abandoning leaving me to pick up kids and do the single dad thing. Homework, bedtime . . . If I’m not asleep, I’ll be bored. I don’t know what to expect. I’ve searched the hospital site and there’s no mention of wi-fi. NO WI-FI! Can you believe it?

    If I’m asleep, you could draw a mustache on my face. Just don’t use a sharpie, they take too long to fade. Crayola washable, please. (by JSM)

  5. Aw, it’s not so bad. And anesthesia is a good thing. Ask my friend who woke up 20 years ago in the middle of her hysterectomy.

    Linda – Seriously!?!? I’ve got to watch some more Doofensmirtz now. And you, fiction book lady, need to give me a riveting referral! (by JSM)

  6. The Face by Angela Hunt.

    Salty Like Blood by Harry Kraus MD

    Healing Stones or Healing Waters by Nancy Rue

    Perfect by Harry Kraus MD

    And yes, tell the anesthesiologist when he comes by to check you before surgery to give you plenty of antiemetic. There is no reason to throw up after surgery.

    Oh, and in your post-op days? WALK, WALK, WALK.

  7. I wish you a speedy recovery, after an uneventful surgery. I don’t like IVs either. I have very shallow veins and I’m hard to tap. I also don’t wake up easily after anesthesia – my last surgery I was out a full 6 hours after the surgery was over. I remember opening up an eye in the recovery room and someone yelled out – SHE’S AWAKE! I guess someone was hovering over me. The last thing I don’t like about surgery/anesthesia is that as soon as I see a family member post-surgery, I burst into huge giant sobs of uncontrolled crying. It’s uncomfortable for me and for the poor family member who walked in the door!

    My husband and my mother both have commented at how painful the gas pains are post surgery. I only slightly remember that part of my recovery.

    The nice thing about anesthesia is that its effects linger for a few days and sometimes up to a week. This means that your memory of the next few days post surgery can be quite hazy. Hopefully you will have very little memory of the pain and discomfort post surgery 🙂

    Walk ASAP, it really helps.

  8. Well poop. You have scheduled your surgery at a most inconvenient time for me. I thought you were NEXT week. I will be in Costa Rica starting tomorrow. If you are a good little patient I will bring you back a present.

    All kidding aside, everything will be fine and it will be over before you know it, then you will be all better.

    I’ll be thinking about you.

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