I’ll be whining today. This is the I hate surgery list.
Feel free to add to it. My surgeries are probably wimpy compared to most.
1. I hate IV’s. I REALLY hate them. I dread them going in. The first thing I want to know when I wake up is WHEN I can take it OUT. I want it OUT. My bad experiences with IV’s are twofold:
Pumping an entire bag of saline in as fast as possible after my water broke with FavoriteSon. When saline is at room temperature and it goes into the human body it feels BURNING cold! I kept FirstHusband running for nearly an hour as he ran hot water over washrags and repeatedly draped them over my IV to warm it up.
One IV was put on the side of my wrist, under my thumb and it CONSTANTLY hurt because I couldn’t keep my wrist from bending for multiple days. And they had to keep redoing it because it got clogged. Most IV’s I’ve had are on the top of my hand. Still hate it.
Did I mention I HATE IV’s?
2. I HATE the stupid automatic blood pressure cuff that takes your blood pressure EVERY 20 minutes, whether you’re askeep or not. WHY is this necessary in life? Before the automatic
torture device blood pressure cuff, nurses didn’t take blood pressure that often, did they? Who decided that 20 minute window? WHO? And it’s too tight, for crying out loud. OUCH.
3. I HATE anesthesia.
I don’t like going under. I HATE giving up my illusion of control. If I’m asleep, how am I supposed to be able to tell the doctors if they’re doing something wrong, like taking an ovary or amputating something on accident? How can I help them if I’m unconscious? The only good thing about anesthesia is that, from MY perspective the time between counting down from 100 to the time I hear, “How are you feeling?” in the recovery room is about 45 seconds.
Then I’m freezing cold. The warmed blankets are very nice, though.
And anesthesia makes me sleepy for DAYS. I won’t be able to walk 10 feet without a 2 hour nap. I won’t even be able to read or blog or . . . anything. Just sleep. What a waste of time!
4. I HATE stitches. They are gross and they take SO long to heal. I have to wear giant clothes that don’t touch my body. Just standing up takes about 15 to 20 minutes. Sitting back down again is no picnic either. Walking? Don’t wait for me.
I do love my Percoset, though. You want me to walk the day after my surgery? NO problem. One Percoset and I’ve been found shuffling a lap around the ward, holding onto my IV stand like a cane.
Tip: Wear TWO hospital gowns. First one backward, second one forward. Trust me. I’ve worn my own gowns in the hospital before. Didn’t work for me. Everyone wants to check out my incisions too often and it’s too much work. Plus, I don’t want to get blood stains on a nice gown. I’ll save the good stuff for home.
Dear God, I would really, really, really like this to be my last surgery. Please?