even a princess tapestry needs dark threads.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

A few months ago, 10 year old PinkGirl and a friend were talking about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

PinkGirl: “Mom, why does God make bad things happen?”

(Lord, I’m gonna need your help with this one.)

Me: “I don’t necessarily believe God makes bad things happen. I believe God allows bad things to happen. Sometimes we get to know why, sometimes we don’t. You remember the Bible verse about now I see in a mirror, dimly, then I shall see face to face?”

PinkGirl: “uh huh.”

Me: “It means that we don’t always see things clearly or understand why things happen while we are here in this life, but when we get to heaven, we will understand.

I looked up at a tapestry of Disney princesses hanging on her wall. (thank you Lord)

Me: “You see that tapestry? How beautiful it is? That’s because we can see all of it – from the front. This is like what God sees when he looks at the earth.

But look at this.”

I turned the corner of the tapestry and blocked out a small piece in my hand.

Me: “This is what we see. Just this little bit. We can’t see all of the tapestry because each part of our life is just a thread. We’re so small, and our vision is so limited, that all we can see are our own threads and the threads near us. Sometimes, it’s not very pretty. What does this look like to you?”

PinkGirl: “I dunno, it’s too small, it just looks like little blobs.”

Me: “It doesn’t look like little blobs to God. His vision is unlimited, so he can see the whole thing at the same time. And, since he’s the one who’s weaving the design, he knows exactly where each thread is supposed to go. Even if we could see the whole thing, it would still look like a mess.”

I pulled the tapestry back as far as it would go.

Me: “Can you tell what it is now?”

Both PinkGirl and her friend: “no.”

Me: “And see how there are all different colors here? Some are bright colors, some are dark. I think of the dark colors as being the trials in our life. We all want our life to be wonderful – to be light colored threads. But what would the front of this tapestry look like if all the threads were light colored? Would it be as beautiful?”

I turned the tapestry back over, showing the front side again.

PinkGirl: “It’s a flower!”

Me: “Yep. God knew it would be. His job is to weave the tapestry. Our job is to trust that he knows what he’s doing and that in the end, it will be beautiful.”

Thank you Lord, for helping Herb Lockyer write a book (Dark Threads the Weaver Needs) in the middle of his grief and for leading me to read it a few years ago.

“My Life is but a weaving between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors, He worketh steadily.

Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow and I in foolish pride,
forget that He seeth the upper, and I the underside.

Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver’s skillful hand,
as the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.”
Author Unknown

decision time. a loving mother’s straight-arm? or trust in God?

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”
Genesis 33:5

Every night, when my kids were infants, I would slip quietly into their room and lay my hand on their backs to make sure they were still breathing. Sometimes, when they were fussy and I was afraid my touch would wake them, I would silently position my finger in front of their nose to feel their breath.

Infants. Who am I kidding? I did it for years. I just needed the assurance that they were breathing before I could sleep.

Tell me I’m not the only parent who’s done this.

I realize that my actions had nothing to do with whether or not they took their next breath. I was just checking for my own peace of mind. Laying my hand on their back was not what prevented them from dying of SIDS or some other freakish undetected “one minute they’re breathing and another minute they’re not” disease.

The Lord, in His mercy and grace, allowed my children take each tiny breath. By His mercy and grace, he still allows them to take their next breath.

Why am I thinking about this now? My kids aren’t at risk for SIDS anymore. My daughter will be 11 years old this year. My son just turned 16.

16. Two weeks ago, my son got his driver’s license.

And there it is.

Am I ready for this change? Of course not. and YES. YES I AM!

The two weeks before he got his license were particularly challenging chauffeur weeks for me. My daughter had drama camp from 9am to noon every day and my son got a summer job with flexible hours. My husband’s travel and work schedule made me the “go-to” guy with the car keys. I was spending hours and hours each day in FavoriteSon’s car with only 20 to 30 minute breaks in between drop-offs and pick-ups. By Thursday of the 2nd week, I was DREADING the thought of sitting in a vehicle.

Thursday was also the day FavoriteSon got his driver’s license.

Friday morning, I got up and drove PinkGirl to drama camp. I arrived back home about 20 minutes before FavoriteSon had to leave for work.

Decision time. Do I ride shotgun with him, drive home, drive back to pick him up and ride shotgun while he drives home? Or do I let him make the single round trip all by himself?

but…

If I was WITH him he would be safe. If he drove by himself, he might get into an accident.

I know. I KNOW.

What was I going to do? Make him drive to work with my left arm stretched across the driver’s seat to protect him? Because THAT’S effective. Ummm hmmm. A loving mother’s straight-arm. More effective than a seat belt.

Just like a hand on his back.

I let him go. Literally. I didn’t even watch him drive away. Yes, I was ready for the break from driving, but more importantly, I was saturated with the knowledge that my presence in the vehicle with him had nothing to do with his safety. Not anymore. Our instruction and advice over the last year helped to prepare him, as did the two driver education courses he took. He was equipped for the responsibility. The State of Florida confirmed it by giving him legal permission to drive. All. by. himself.

His father and I still have so much more to prepare him for. But this? This we’ve prepared him for. This he’s ready for. Now, just like when he was a baby, his life is in God’s powerful and loving hands.

As hard as it is for me to comprehend, God loves my son more than I do.

Making safety the priority tells our children that we think God is incapable
of doing what He said He would do for His children . . . But when we put our confidence in God’s power
rather than the safety nets we place around our children we find that even children can learn to rely on God’s overwhelming presence to protect them as well as to enable them to flourish in the world system.
Tim Kimmel
Grace-Based Parenting

PinkGirl’s conundrum: curiosity vs. aversion to learning

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

Nothing like a new washing machine to make me feel compelled to clean my laundry room…

Last night:
I’m currently observing the “no helping, no complaining” rule of our household.
Round One: Two guys vs. an outgoing dead washing machine.
Round Two: Two guys vs. an incoming craigslist washing machine.
I just have two questions: Where’s my camcorder? and
Is AFV still on the air or is it just in reruns?

Later:
I decided to keep my distance lest I be recruited. I’m no dummy.

A little later:
PinkGirl, inspecting our “new” top load washer: “Mom, I don’t understand this. How does it work?”
Me: “oh, don’t worry, I’ll teach you!”
(I am SO glad to have a top load washer again! Now, when I need to throw in just one more thing, I can get the door open! and if someone accidentally washes an ipod, we can fish it out before it goes through the entire wash cycle while we stand helplessly by and watch it.)

Even later:
PinkGirl just opened the new top load washing machine to watch it spin and it came to a stop: “Mom, I still don’t get it. How does it actually CLEAN the clothes?”
Me: (it was 10:15pm for cryin out loud): “Ask your dad.”
PinkGirl, under her breath: “I really don’t want to hear ‘geek talk’ right now.”

This morning:
This morning PinkGirl asked me AGAIN how our new top load washer cleans the clothes.
Me: “you know, I got two comments on facebook suggesting you look it up yourself.”
PinkGirl: “I don’t wanna LEARN! It’s SUMMER!”
Me: “Then why are you asking questions?”
PinkGirl: “cuz I’m bored.”
Me: “oh, I can help you with THAT.”

#smartaleckkids

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

I couldn’t believe it, but PinkGirl voluntarily took a nap this afternoon!

Either “I WIN!” the “whoever wears out first, LOSES” game or she’s getting sick.

Either way, THANK YOU GOD, she really needed the rest – and I needed a tiny little bit of solitude.

I let PinkGirl get in a full 90 minute sleep cycle, making me 30 minutes late picking up FavoriteSon from work.

FavoriteSon, entering his time into the calendar: “hmmm. I stopped working at 2:40, but SOMEONE didn’t pick me up until 3pm.”

Me: “I brought you chicken alfredo and a Sport Illustrated, what, do you want me to bring you slippers too?”

FavSon: “now that you mention it…”

worms & dirt. and I’m not talkin gummy & oreo.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

Leftover worms and dirt in my fridge.

REAL worms. alive and wiggling. in black, muddy, crumbly dirt that is pushing itself up and out through the air holes on the lid as the worms wiggle around, presumably trying to escape.

gross.

When I was growing up, it never occurred to me that worms might live in my refrigerator.

FirstHusband and PinkGirl bought the worms today for fishing in the river behind our house this afternoon. They had a great time and thankfully came back with nothing because they threw back the fish they caught. I’m really glad they had fun. (I’m also glad they threw back the fish they caught.) I just wish they had used all their bait instead of putting their little friends in the fridge, along with our food.

gross.

I don’t like worms in my refrigerator. Some might call me a city girl, but that label doesn’t fit. I’m FIRMLY a suburban girl.

A suburban girl with a question: How long will I have to keep worms in my refrigerator before I can throw them out? What is the life expectancy of a worm?

I’m having a major childhood flashback.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

PinkGirl.

That nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I just caught her reading in bed. 10 years old. 10:43pm on a school night. She’s just started reading The Last Olympian (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 5) and she BEGGED me not to make her stop till she gets past “the good part.”

Oh, I remember that. Except I used to hide under the blanket with a flashlight. She has a reading light clipped to a shelf next to her bed.

I understand. And while part of me is upset with her for still being awake, part of me is over the top THRILLED that she loves to read this much. She’s going to love reading her whole life.

Call me a bad mom. I don’t care. I said: “You may NOT be mean to me in the morning and you WILL get up EXACTLY when I ask you to. Get to a stopping point fast.”

11:02pm. I just heard the reading light being turned off.

she’ll be here all week.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

PinkGirl: “Mom, ya know why it’s really good to have a dog?”

Me: “no, why?”

PinkGirl: “cause they can tell when you’re gonna have a seizure.”

Me: “Are you going to have a seizure?”

PinkGirl: “I don’t know. I don’t have a dog.”

Me, laughing: “you crack me UP, girl.”

PinkGirl: “I’ll be here all week. (pause) I’ll be here all life.”

a smack on the back of the head.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

FirstHusband to me on the phone: “Your day has changed.”

Me: “How?”

FirstHusband: “You’re going to buy a book. The abridged ‘Count of Monte Cristo'”

Me: “Smack FavoriteSon on the back of the head for me.”

background noise: “HEY!”

FirstHusband, to FavoriteSon: “Just doing what your mom told me to.”

FavoriteSon: “oh.”

I HATE paying retail for a book! FavoriteSon’s known he needed this for a week. I could have gotten it used. online. And considering the entire sophomore class is supposed to bring this book to school tomorrow, I have a feeling it wouldn’t be easy finding it in stock in any brick and mortar store nearby.

Later, when I see FavoriteSon face to face at home…

Me, to FavoriteSon: “Do you get points if you bring this book to class tomorrow?”

FavoriteSon: “No. I have to read the first 9 chapters by tomorrow.”

Me: “Com’ere, so I can smack you on the back of the head.”

FavoriteSon: “No thank you.”

Then, PinkGirl said, “What about Kindle?”

FavoriteSon: “oh yeh! we’re allowed to do that!”

Me to FirstHusband, who was in reach of FavoriteSon: “Smack him again.”

FavoriteSon’s signature grin.

SMART GIRL! We all have ipod touch Kindle apps! $5.99 download. Done.

He better read those nine chapters, or…you guessed it. smack.

PinkGirl’s cartwheel God story.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

PinkGirl has a God story – a story of how God weaved together a bunch of things in her life to bring her to a particular place. Here’s how it went:

1. Bye Bye Birdie – and we mean that literally. The performing arts studio that PinkGirl regularly participates in was supposed to be doing Bye Bye Birdie for their spring play. As it turns out, they didn’t get enough boys to audition and had to switch productions at the last minute. Like I said, bye bye Birdie. They’re doing two relatively unknown shows with a heavy emphasis on dancing.

Dancing is PinkGirl’s weakest link.

The rehearsals have been challenging for her but I’ve seen a lot of improvement the last few months. The hardest thing for her? She didn’t get a part she loved. Between the two plays, she’s: “whiny student,” a villager and a pile of snow. You read that right. A pile of snow. One of many. Every day parts were assigned and she didn’t get one, she asked “What is God doing in my life?” She always asks that question when things don’t go the way she hopes they will. I ask myself the same question when I’m faced with disappointment and obstacles. My answer to her is always the same one I tell myself: “I’m not sure, let’s try and figure out what you’re supposed to learn from this experience.” In this case, my strongest theory was that she needed to focus her attention on the dancing – learn as much as she can and strengthen her skills as much as possible. So she threw her energy at the choreography.

She had also signed up to sing special music at church. Singing as herself and not as a character in a play was a very new experience. Another challenge. I suggested that maybe that was another reason she didn’t get a big part in the plays.

2. Theater for kids, by kids. At this same performing arts company, a group of teenagers have started doing their own productions – interactive theater for children. The shows are on Saturdays at 3pm, an hour and a half after PinkGirl’s regular rehearsals which run from 9am to 1:30pm. I took her to see their production of The Princess and the Frog.

She LOVED it. But not just from the audience’s point of view. She wanted to participate. But these were teenagers. She’s only 10. Undaunted, she asked me to ask the owner of the company to ask the teenagers if they would consider allowing her to be in the next production. A few weeks later, we heard the answer. They were sorry, they would be doing The Emporer’s New Clothes and it just wouldn’t work out to use someone so young. Again with the question. “What is God doing in my life?” I don’t know, babe.

She threw herself back into play rehearsals and signed up to sing special music in church again.

3. The cartwheel. Last month, for the first time since I started recording, I needed someone to watch PinkGirl. Both her brother and father were in Jacksonville at a track meet and we weren’t comfortable leaving her at home alone from 4:30pm to 9:30pm while I was gone. She ended up going home with a friend after school and I picked her up at 9:30 after the session was over. Her friend had tumbling class that night from 6pm to 7pm so she got to go and watch.

For the next two days, she was obsessed with learning to do a cartwheel. Surprisingly, I can still do a cartwheel! Not surprisingly, I have no ability to teach someone else how to do a cartwheel. Subsequently, PinkGirl had no confidence in me and was too scared to throw her feet up in the air. Her cartwheels were not pretty to watch.

Long story short, She went to her first tumbling class last Friday night. And LOVED it.

4. The phone call. It’s spring break, FirstHusband is off for the week and we are on staycation. We’re supposed to go mini-golfing on Tuesday night. The phone rings and it’s the owner of the performing arts company. Would PinkGirl be able to play the part of the princess in The Emporer’s New Clothes? They had their first rehearsal the night before and they decided that PinkGirl would be perfect for the part of the princess. Was this an audition or does she actually have the part? This is it. She’s got the part if she wants it and can commit to the rehearsal and performance schedule. And there’s dancing in this show. Which she’s much better at than she was 3 months ago.

We didn’t go mini-golfing last night. PinkGirl was at rehearsal for The Emporer’s New Clothes. And nobody was upset about that. Especially PinkGirl.

5. The question. As PinkGirl was trying on costumes for The Emporer’s New Clothes, the director asked her, “Can you do a cartwheel?”

PinkGirl had an epiphany. THIS is what God was doing in her life! Preparing her for this! With a big grin, she answered: “Not yet, but I just started tumbling classes so I’ll be able to do one VERY SOON!

God can use anything to teach us faith and patience. Even a cartwheel.

And she’s singing “Pray” by Justine Bieber at all three services this Sunday.