song? or seed?

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

I recorded my version of “Waiting Here for You” last month. Here’s what I wrote on my facebook page earlier that same day:

“Praying that God would use the music & the lyrics to draw the “sound guys” closer to Him. That the Lord would bless my voice & the session. That the people who will be listening to & working on the recording over the next few weeks will come to an undeniable awareness of the the presence of the Holy Spirit.”

I’ve been recording once a month for almost two years and due to multiple obstacles (professional mixing, funds for licensing, duplication and distribution), I haven’t been able to do anything with the music. It appears that God is teaching me patience.

Again.

But it’s also possible that the ministry of this music is centered on the recording sessions themselves.

Every session – every MONTH, I’m blessed with a rare opportunity: To sing powerful Christian lyrics in the willing presence of 4 to 7 non-Christians – for nearly FOUR hours! The sessions are totally vocal – no band, no other vocalists, just me, singing the lyrics to the same song over and over and over again. They usually need three or four complete melody tracks and three or four tracks of each harmony. I always prepare at least two harmonies, usually more. And you can bet I don’t ever get it right the first time around, so there are lots of “punch-ins” where I have to fix a line or a word here and there. This means I sing those lyrics so many times during the session that the sound guys can pretty much memorize them. Then, they listen to the music again and again over a number of weeks as they work on mixing the song. Then the next month, I get to do it all over again, with an entirely new group of people.

How cool is that!?

I pray about every song selection, that God would lead me to choose a song that at least ONE of those people NEEDS to hear at that time in their life. I pray for the people who will be at the session, that my offering can be of some use to God as He moves in their lives.

Last month, the Lord allowed me to see (or actually, hear) that I planted a seed.

It was a late night session, from 9pm to 1am and midway through, my voice was showing signs of fatigue. We broke for 30 minutes and I drove across the street to 7-11 for some warm coffee. As I was getting out of my van, I looked two cars over and saw four of the sound guys getting out of another vehicle. One started singing my song and the others joined in.

They had the song stuck in their head and the month of mixing hadn’t even begun!

That’s a seed.

I’ve been praying that it grows.

Now I’m also praying – even if I don’t get to see any evidence of it – that my session this Friday night will result in more seeds being planted.

four minutes with God: Philippians 4:8

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

a Quote:
“An intellectual is one who loves ideas, is dedicated to clarifying them, developing them, criticizing them, turning them over and over, seeing their implications, stacking them atop one another, arranging them, sitting silent while new ideas pop up and old ones seem to rearrange themselves, playing with them, punning with their terminology, laughing at them, watching them clash, picking up the pieces starting over, judging them, withholding judgment about them, changing them, bringing them into contact with their counterparts in other systems of thought . . . suiting them for service in workaday life. A Christian intellectual is all of the above to the glory of God.”

and

“…the true intellectual occasionally sees some things, makes true observations and has insights that few, if any before him have seen or had. If there is any danger in this, it is not in having a one-track mind, but in having a mind with so many tracks that it either arrives at many places at the same time or it never gets out of the station.” (emphasis added)

(from Habits of the Mind: Intellectual Life as a Christian Calling by James W. Sire)

my Prayer:
Intellectual? That sounds so much better than “I just over think everything,” which we both know I have a tendency to do, Lord. Sometimes my head is filled with so many thoughts and ideas, I can’t focus. Sometimes I weigh alternatives to the point of inaction. So frustrating.

Even so, thank you for my love of reading and learning and thinking. And thank you for my limitations, both real and self-perceived. They keep me grounded and authentic. It’s so easy for education and knowledge to displace my trust in – and dependence on – YOU, especially in times of confusion or when circumstances seem . . . irrational.

Thank you for every day that I wake up with more knowledge and understanding than I had the day before. At the same time, thank you for making it crystal clear to me that – compared to all that is possible to know and understand in this world – I know and understand about as much as can be contained within grain of sand.

Thank you for the intricate details in this world, from the greatest wonders to the tiniest. That you are evident in the awesome beauty of the Grand Canyon as well as in the first breath of a newborn infant is just a peek at your perfect plan and limitless power. Every creation is filled with opportunities for discovery, every problem is an opportunity for ingenuity,

Through your power and grace and mercy, please help me to learn from my mistakes. Please help me to make different and better decisions based on what I’ve learned. Please bless me with insights and ideas and imagination, even if they sometimes overwhelm me. I want all that I am and think and feel to lead me to choices that place me in the center of your will. For your glory.

the Word:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8

the lyric:
“With all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all the strength that I can find. Take my time here on this earth and let it glorify all that You are worth. For I am nothing, I am nothing without You ”
from Nothing Without You (youtube link) by Bebo Norman (amazon link)

and if you have an extra 3:33 minutes…

This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.

(Christian brain image from wallpaper4god.com)

note to self: STOP IT.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

I have a love/hate relationship with a certain praise team song I lead. I actually love the song. I just hate the very first note of the first verse. Or maybe it just hates me. The latter seems unlikely, I know.

The last time I sang this song, the instruments played the intro, got right up to the first verse and …

I didn’t have it.

I looked at the worship leader at the moment I was supposed to sing and shook my head. He started the song and turned it over after the first line.

When I talked to him later he said, “you’re just over thinking it.”

I tend to do that.

Just an hour earlier, I had walked into the music room for the pre-service rehearsal and the worship leader and the drummer were both there. I listened to them play and after a few minutes I recognized the guitar intro to Mighty to Save. The drummer recognized it and fell in. I absentmindedly came in on the right note. Fell in is more like it. I didn’t even try. Wasn’t even thinking about it.

simple.

It hadn’t always been simple. When I first learned the lead to Mighty to Save, I bought the Laura Story version, with the piano intro. Then I came to rehearsal and we didn’t have a pianist. We did have two guitars that day. And unfortunately, they each had chord charts in two different keys. I was standing closest to the guy with the wrong chart. I came on on the wrong note, but it fit, until midway into the verse, then it was glaringly obvious I was off.

Let the season of doubt begin.

After that, I had no confidence that I could come in on the right note. How could I have started on the wrong note and not even realized it? What if I did it again? How do I recover the song if I come in on the wrong note during worship? The music director offered to play my note on the flute for me. It got to the point where I believed I couldn’t do it without her.

I hated that.

I was determined to break my need for this crutch. I bought the Hillsong version of the song, with the guitar intro. I completely stopped listening to the piano version, even going to the extreme of turning off the radio if it began playing.

FINALLY.

I was able to begin on the correct note without the flute playing it in the background. I led the song multiple times over the next few months without a problem.

So what was different about the last time I sang it?

the piano.

After I came in so effortlessly at the beginning of the pre-service rehearsal, we added keyboard to the intro and rehearsed it again after everyone else had gotten there.

I couldn’t find the note. Actually, I have no idea if I could or couldn’t find the note, because I didn’t try. I just said, “I don’t have it.”

Season Two. The doubt was back. I wimped out during the rehearsal, so you know what happened when it came time to start the song during worship, I froze up. Chickened out. wimped.

Will I ever be able to start this song on the right note if I hear a piano? I don’t know. But I won’t ever know if I don’t try.

So the wimping out for fear of getting it wrong? I’m going to STOP IT.

Wimping out for fear of getting it wrong . . .

I’m betting there’s a lot more I wimp on than that one little note.

“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill

Hey JC, JC won’t you smile at me die for me?

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

I have musical traditions.

Our family has to listen to Nat King Cole sing “the chestnut song” (The Christmas Song) while we decorate the Christmas tree.

Satchmo has to sing What A Wonderful World in my house on Thanksgiving. Multiple times.

and on Palm Sunday, I have to listen to Hosanna (“Hosanna, Heysanna”) from Jesus Christ Superstar. Has to be done.

I was introduced the Jesus Christ Superstar at 15, when my chorus teacher trusted me with my very first solo. It was “I Don’t Know How To Love Him. I wasn’t a Christian.

I had absolutely no idea what I was singing about.

Flash forward . . . a few years. It’s never been easier to listen to this song – now I get to WATCH it too. And this year, I noticed something I never caught when I listened to the audio recordings. If I ever noticed it while watching before, I flippantly attributed it to a video glitch, although seeing it now, I wonder how I ever made that mistake.

Watch the 10 seconds that begin around 2:29 minute mark.

four minutes with God: 1 Kings 19:10-15

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

whatareyoudoinghereelijaha Quote:
“Sometimes we experience a terrible dryness in our spiritual lives. We feel no desire to pray, don’t experience God’s presence, get bored with worship services, and even think that everything we ever believed about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is little more than a childhood fairy tale.

Then it is important to realize that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. It is a great grace to be able to experience God’s presence in our feelings and thoughts, but when we don’t, it does not mean that God is absent. It often means that God is calling us to a greater faithfulness. It is precisely in times of spiritual dryness that we must hold on to our spiritual discipline so that we can grow into new intimacy with God.” (emphasis added)

(from Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith and
The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life both by Henri Nouwen)

my Prayer:
Lord, I’m going to keep listening for your voice even when I think I can’t hear you.
I’m going to keep looking for you even when I think I can’t find you.
I’m going to keep talking to you even when I think I’m not making sense.
I’m going to keep reading your word even when I think I don’t understand it.
I’m going to keep serving you even when I’m not sure I’m doing any good at all.
I’m going to keep singing to you, knowing you can hear both my words and my heart.

Lord, I know these thoughts and feelings are lies. I’m so thankful that my faith isn’t grounded in them because they are temporary. You are eternal. And you are here with me, whether I can sense your presence or not. Thank you for that knowledge, it’s my rock.

the Word:
“He [Elijah] replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram.”
1 Kings 19:14-15(NAS)

My Paraphrase:
Elijah: “wah, wah, wah, I just witnessed your unlimited power, but now I’m sad and I feel alone.”
God: “I am HERE. Why are you still here?”
Elijah: “wah, wah, wah, I just witnessed your unlimited power, but now I’m sad and I feel alone.”
God: “Go. You have work to do, and whining isn’t on your to-do list.”
1 Kings 19:10-15(NAS)

the lyric:
“This is my prayer in the desert, when all that’s within me feels dry. This is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides…I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here.”
from Desert Song by Hillsong

“Come Holy One, awaken me, to your design, from my sleep.”
from Your Name by Curtis Froisland

This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.

please let this be a shared blessing.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

I had another mountaintop recording experience last night. So profoundly thankful to the Lord for equipping me to do what I did, from leading me in my song selection to providing me with physical stamina to blessing my voice.

I actually struggled with my song selection, originally deciding to sing “Sweetly Broken.” But I just couldn’t seem to send the confirmation email with the track and lyrics.

Finally, five days past the submission deadline, I changed my mind and decided on Kristian Stanfield’s version of “Jesus Paid It All.” It had been in the worship set just two days before and I had spent the prior week rehearsing it, so it was nearly ready.

Part of me wondered if I was gravitating to Jesus Paid It All because of the lyrics. Easter is April 24th and the guys mixing the recording will be listening to these lyrics during the entire month of April. I began praying for the session and specifically for the people who would be present at the session and mixing the recording afterward. I’m praying again today…

Lord, I pray for the guys at the recording session last night. I only know their names, not their stories. I pray that through the session last night, and the music and lyrics they will be listening to over the next month as they mix the song, you will move in their lives in a deeply personal way.

– If they don’t know you, please use my offering to help draw them to a saving faith in you.
– If they do know you, I pray that they will be encouraged in their faith.
– If they know you, but have forgotten you, please use this song and my voice and witness to remind them of you and give them a relentless passion for your intimate companionship.

Lord, I’m so thankful for every opportunity to record. Even if nothing ever comes of these recordings, the studio sessions themselves are such an overwhelming blessing to me. I pray that these sessions would be shared blessings; that the other people involved would be blessed by these experiences too. If your plan is for me to share any of the recordings with others, please lead me to the person who can mix and master them. I trust that you can provide me with compensated work so I can earn the money needed to compensate that person and pay the licensing fees.

Regardless of when or whether that ever happens, I’m going to continue recording until you lead me in another direction. I’m going to continue moving forward until you say stop, rather than sitting still and waiting for you to say GO.

I also prayed yesterday that God would, in some way, bless me with encouragement. As I drafted this post, the mail came and in it, the rough mixes from last month’s recording session of “Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me).” I had re-recorded it because my voice had changed so much after months of voice lessons. I’m listening to them right now. Thank you Lord, for answered prayer.

For more beautiful music, check out Then Sings My Soul Saturday every Saturday hosted by Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders.

four minutes with God: Deuteronomy 16:17

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

a Quote:
“…understanding ownership was half of my lesson. If God was the owner, I was the manager. I needed to adopt a steward’s mentality toward the assets He had entrusted – not given – to me.

A steward manages assets for the owner’s benefit. The steward carries no sense of entitlement to the assets he manages. It’s his job to find out what the owner wants done with his assets, then carry out his will.”
(from The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving by Randy Alcorn)

my Prayer:
Lord, scheduling tithe checks on bill pay is some serious fun! Thank you for the joy we feel in this obedience. THANK YOU for the provision of my husband’s bonus and THANK YOU for the opportunity to give even more than we normally do. The feeling that comes from giving back some of the money you’ve entrusted to us is like an adrenaline high! Thank you that we never regret it or begrudge it. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to serve you this way. We pray that we’ve interpreted your will correctly and sent your money where you wanted it to go. We pray that you will abundantly bless the efforts of those to whom you have sent it and we trust you to work all things for your good and your glory.

Our continuous prayer is that you help us to be good stewards of everything you entrust to us and to help us achieve our goal of becoming debt-free. Thank you for this answer to our prayer. Thank you for providing a means for more debt reduction. We profoundly understand what a blessing this job is and even more the blessing of this bonus. Thank you, Lord.

the Word:
“Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.”
Deuteronomy 16:17 (NAS)

the lyric:
“Rich or poor God I want You more, than anything that glitters in this world. Be my all, all consuming fire.
You can have all my hands can hold, my heart, mind, strength and soul, Be my all, all consuming fire.
All we need, all we need, all we need is You.”
from All We Need (youtube link) by Charlie Hall (amazon link)

This was dual published on my Pragmatic Communion blog.

I don’t want to sing a solo.

Posted on by Julie Stiles Mills

Something’s been on my mind. While rehearsing a song for praise team, someone referred to it as a “solo.”

solo.

Oxford defines “solo” as:

noun – a piece of music, song, or dance for one performer
adjective – for or done by one person

solo.

It’s been nagging at me.

From the depth of everything I am, that’s the last thing I want to do on Sunday morning when I sing with the praise team.

team.

I always call it that. Not praise band or worship band, but praise team. Sometimes worship team.

Oxford defines “team” as:

noun – two or more people working together.
verb – come together as a team to achieve a common goal.

That’s the way I think about it. We’re a team. We have a team leader, and it ain’t me. I follow the direction of our worship leader and when it comes to serving with him on the team, I trust his judgment, respect his decisions and sing harmony when he’s singing melody. Even so, sometimes I sing the lead on a song. Doesn’t make me the team leader, just means I’m singing the melody on a particular song.

When that happens, I refer to it as leading a song.

I’ve never referred to it as singing a solo.

Oxford defines “lead” this way:

verb – cause (a person or animal) to go with one, especially by drawing them along or by preceding them to a destination.
noun – the initiative in an action: others followed our lead.

Some might say I’m splitting hairs; that it’s just a subtle difference in terminology, a tomato/tomahto kind of thing.

I view it as a HUGE difference, especially as it relates to my attitude and motivation. When I’m leading a song, my primary goal is to lead the congregation in worship. I want to facilitate a shift from the distractions and overwhelming challenges of every day life to a focus on the hope and peace and joy of worshiping God. My primary goal every Sunday morning is to bring each individual person in the congregation with me as I focus my heart and mind on worship. My consistent prayer is that the Lord would bless my service and help me to reach that goal for Him.

solo.

The word is still nagging at me.

I don’t want to sing a solo.