To the marginalized and silent 99%: You have something of value to contribute.

I recently snatched up a $1 offer for access to a huge amount of content within an online writers group for 30 days and I’ve been DEVOURING it. The first day, I listened to a podcast interview with Albert Y. Hsu (pronounced “shee”), a senior editor with InterVarsity Press. Based on the description of the interview, I wasn’t sure if the content would be for me, but one teaser stood out:

“What publishers look for in an author’s platform (and it’s different than you think!).”

What PUBLISHERS look for wasn’t what drew me in, it was the WHY. I was hoping that the WHY would give me insight on how to identify and reach people who are interested in learning and practicing the communication methods I teach. And while I’m not currently writing a book that I want to pitch to a publisher, I do recognize some parallels between being an author and being a teacher: we both want to reach, inspire and help people.

Below are some quotes from the interview that I was still thinking about the next day – so much so that I re-watched the video in order to capture them and continue working through the answers:

“Part of what we do as authors, is that we meet people where they’re at and then we take them somewhere else. Take them further. There has to be a point of identification, but there also has to be a point of dislocation. So we are both contextualizing; saying our words in a way that people can receive, but then we are also being counter-cultural and giving them something that doesn’t just reinforce what they already know. It has to take them another step.”

This is huge for me in consulting and coaching. I ask a LOT of questions and – based on the answers – I ask more questions. Sometimes clients get impatient and want to skip this part of the process, but I have to start with where they ARE – and what led them to where they are – before I can help them explore options for their next best steps.

“Who is the audience and what are the channels to GET to that audience?…If you don’t have a channel to that audience, it’s almost like those readers don’t exist.”

How do I reach people? I’ve learned I have to meet them where they are. Forget the “if you build it they will come” mentality. That only works for ethereal baseball games and Disney.

“What do I have to offer that other people don’t. What’s missing?”

And look who just showed up. Imposter syndrome, my old friend.

In answering the question, “What would you tell first time authors?” he said, “I often ask them, ‘What’s your thing? What are you known for?'”

What’s my “thing?”

I know I’m passionate about communicating well. Effectively, respectfully and empathetically. I genuinely believe that the world would be a MUCH better place if we consistently tried to say what we mean without BEING mean. There would be less division, more respect and comradery and relationships would be stronger.

I think I’m known for that. but I’m not sure.

I’m also not sure who is interested in strengthening their communication skills or how to reach them.

After listening to this podcast, I had a tiny little epiphany. Am I having trouble finding these like-minded people because they are so quiet?

I have to remind myself again and again of the 1% rule:

“The 1% rule states that the number of people who create content on the Internet represents approximately 1% (give or take) of the people actually viewing that content. For example, for every person who posts on a forum, generally about 99 other people are viewing that forum but not posting.

And the internet population is only 40% of the world population.

But the 1% is so freakin pervasive.

On a daily basis, in every nook and cranny of the internet, I’m inundated with language that dehumanizes, mocks, dismisses, creates division and feeds polarization.

It seems like everywhere I look, language is used as a weapon to bludgeon someone.

Do the people doing the swinging genuinely not recognize the damage they inflict? Do they just not care? Are they oblivious to how they are perceived?

For instance, a facebook friend posted about the cruise ship that wasn’t being allowed to dock during the Covid-19 quarantine, sharing her disapproval of the passengers for even getting on the boat in the first place. But she backtracked pretty quickly when another facebook friend commented to tell her that a couple they both knew were stuck on that ship.

When “those people” became people she knew, she DID care how she was perceived.

Another commenter, not so much:

“I may be a jerk but they knew the risks…. stay on the ship. 🤷🏼‍♀️”

I held myself back from adding to the snark by replying with: “Well, you got one thing right. And how could they have known?”

I held myself back. Because if I had called her out like that in front of her friends,

1. I would be a jerk.
2. She probably wouldn’t care, because when I looked up that emoji she ended with, I found this:

The person shrugging emoji can designate ignorance, indifference, self-acceptance, passive-aggression, annoyance, giving up, or not knowing what to make of something. It could also be a visual form of the one-word response of indifference, “whatever.”

So here’s my take. When this person led with “I may be a jerk” she KNEW she was being a jerk. And she posted it anyway. I don’t know this person, but this is the first impression she made

1. with me and
2. with all the other commenters on that thread, and
3. with all the friends of the original poster and
4. with all the friends of every other commenter.

Because that’s how facebook works.

But I digress.

My thing. Being passionate about communicating well.

Who needs what I have to offer?
I believe everyone could benefit from strengthening their communication skills. I’ve been studying and practicing communication methods for decades and I’m still learning and growing.

But who wants what I have to offer?
The 1%?
Maybe.

What about within the other 99%? What “channels” should I use to reach them?

Looking at local, in person and possibly off-the-grid people, I already know some first steps to figure out who is interested: networking, public speaking to special interest groups, continuing with the consulting, training and coaching I already do…but moving beyond that…

Talking through my thoughts with the hubs:

“I’m wondering if one reason I’m having such a hard time [identifying people I can help] is because they are so quiet. Are they hidden in the 99%?

If 60% of the population isn’t even active on the internet and of the remaining 40%, only 1% is posting, then we’re talking about a fraction of that 1% who don’t seem to care whether they add to the negativity in the world.

I know so many people who, in real life, seem so kind and gracious. Then they get behind a keyboard, post a passive aggressive remark and sit back to watch and stir up the $#!+storm they’ve created.

Do they not recognize what they’re doing? Do they not care?

I genuinely don’t understand the duplicity.

And I don’t think I ever will. But I think that for the first time, I do understand those are NOT my people. They aren’t interested in communicating well or how they are perceived. When they post something that tears down, they either don’t know, don’t care or don’t care that they don’t know. I don’t comment on their negative posts because it’s pretty clear I would be the odd man out. WAY out.

The comment threads are full of 1%ers. The 99%ers are quiet. We all know that if we counter-comment on a negative post, one of three things will happen:

1. We’ll get attacked and it won’t be pretty.
2. We’ll be covertly blocked from their posts in the future.
3. We’ll get unfriended.

Maybe the people in the 99% are staying quiet because they’re taking a look at what’s being posted and instinctively responding with: “Hard pass.”

So, while the 1% may be the loudest, it’s definitely not overflowing with people who want to be intentional about communicating well. Those are the people I’m looking for.

Are they all in the silent majority?”

Hubs, after listing to my rambling stream of consciousness thought process: “You need to work on this some more. You’re onto something, but you’re not there yet.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Hubs: “A cow has four stomachs.”
Me: “So…what? I’m on stomach #2?
Hubs: “I love how you knew what I was talking about.”

So is my thing metaphors? I do love metaphors.

And so I continue to work on it.

I remembered something else Albert Hsu said in the podcast:

“We don’t write apologetics books for the non-christian. They’re not going to pick up a Christian book. We write the book for the Christian friend…to serve them to reach their friend.”

Translating that to helping people strengthen their communication skills: I can’t help people who don’t care that they use language as a weapon. I can help the people they hurt – to respond effectively, respectfully and empathetically.

I can help those who DO care about the impact of their words and those who are silent, not because they have nothing of value to contribute, but because because they feel marginalized. If I can find them, I want to equip some of the 99%ers to become effective peacemakers, to model respectful debate and to resolve conflict empathetically.

And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, some of the negative 1%ers will notice. and begin to care.

Fauci, the Surgeon General and the “lady” doctor who didn’t smile.

I saw something in a facebook comment yesterday that immediately and instinctively evoked what I’ll conservatively refer to as a negative reaction. It was about members of the coronavirus Task Force and the comment was posted during the live briefing. I tried to let it die in the cluttered recesses of my mind, but it was literally the first thing that came to me when I woke up this morning – much too early. So, in an effort to get a full night’s rest tonight, I’m hoping that writing about it will lead to sleeping in just a bit later tomorrow morning.

Here’s the sleep stealing comment:

They must be doctor shopping, Fauci, gone, surgeon general home., the lady doctor no longer smiles. She must be on her way out

Pushing past the primary school level punctuation, I wondered if I was the only one reading this thread who noticed that Fauci was referred to by name and the Surgeon General was referred to by title, but the “lady” doctor was referred to by neither and – although the briefing was packed with nearly two hours of content including her taking a turn at the microphone multiple times – this guy’s comment about her was that she wasn’t SMILING.

Because when you brief the press about a global pandemic, you need to smile.

Like all the men standing on the dais with you.

Stifling my inner Red Foreman, my mind went next to the part of this video about one minute in:

“Do it again, but just this time try it a bit more…smiley.”

“You want me to s-smile?”

“yeah. Just, you know, more…leading lady.”

“The scene gets quite tragic…”

“So?”

I thought about replying to the comment, but judging by the content of the other comments and replies I already saw and how fast they were being posted (including the bird finger emoji above the lady doctor comment), I had a strong sense that anything positive I might have to say about the “lady” doctor would be of no more interest to this person than her actual name.

Which is Deborah Birx.

And while the commenter was correct in assuming she is a doctor, he also could have referred to her by one of her other titles, like (retired Army) Colonel or Ambassador.

“Birx was nominated by President Barack Obama as United States Global AIDS Coordinator and confirmed by the Senate; she was sworn in April 4, 2014.”
Wikepedia

Before she was confirmed as an Ambassador under the Obama Administration, Birx served as the Director of CDC’s Division of Global HIV/AIDS from 2005-2014. From 1996-2005, she served as the Director of the U.S. Military HIV Research Program at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research.

But according to this particular pundit, she and everyone else on the Task Force “have no clue.”

Maybe the people who actually know this guy in real life wouldn’t view his comment about the “lady” doctor not smiling as misogynistic.

But I don’t know him. And this comment – on a PUBLIC facebook post, where anyone can read it – is all I know about him. He summed it up well with his last comment:

Stop Talking About What’s Wrong. TAKE ACTION to Help Make it Right.

Working toward positive change is a much more productive use of time and energy than complaining and/or trying to thwart a negative.

One of the best and long-lasting ways to get rid of something negative is to REPLACE that negative with a positive, making the negative obsolete. invalid. obliterated by the positive.

Fair Warning: Count the cost. Actively working for a positive circumstance or result that is incompatible with a negative circumstance or result takes more time and energy than talking or complaining or posting on the internet, but the result is worth it.

#WorkFORWhatYouWantNotAgainstSomethingYouDontWant

Fine is a Four Letter Word.

Don’t listen to condescending voices of marginalization and mediocrity. Voices that say you don’t have to work as hard as you do, because less is “just fine.” Those voices don’t recognize that the unnecessary extra time you take and the unneeded effort you expend lead to a result they describe as “fine.” It doesn’t occur to them that less effort and less time would knock “fine” down to…less than fine.
Consider that when the voices continue to tell you that you don’t have to work so hard to be good at what you do, they let you know time and time again how little they know you or how little respect they have for your determination to give your best.

Don’t listen to voices that tell you that you shouldn’t work as hard as you do because it makes other people look bad. When you’re gone, it will be evident that you weren’t the reason someone else wasn’t succeeding. When others continue to contribute the minimum and complain because they think they are entitled to more opportunities even though they continue to prove they can’t be depended upon, it will be evident that you weren’t hogging their opportunities and stealing their affirmation.

Don’t listen to voices that ask you to step back. To say less. do less. give less. and be less.

#workethic #fineisafourletterword

maybe they’re not GIVING you a hard time. maybe they’re HAVING a hard time.

The next time someone gives you a hard time, consider the possibility that it has NOTHING to do with you. Consider the possibility that they are dealing with something you know nothing about.

Think of something you’ve struggled with and lived through that not many people know about.

(The “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” kind of lived through.)

Now, realize OTHER people – people you meet today and people you’ve known for years – have lived through things you don’t know about.

And cut them some slack.

Give them some grace.

because We’re all #JustADifferentKindOfBroken

Sometimes, even when it’s not your fault, it’s still your problem.

Some will step up, take ownership and work toward a solution.

Some will complain and search for someone to blame.

And when they’re done complaining about it and/or trying to find out who’s to blame, it will STILL be their problem.

But then they’ll have less time to solve it.

#ItIsWhatItIs so #NowWhat

There will always be time AFTER you’ve solved a problem to take steps to prevent it from happening again.

and, of course, to complain and/or blame. But if you give in to that, you risk loss of respect because some people may see you as being as petty and vindictive instead of a gracious and competent problem solver they can trust.

If you are a person of faith, remember, the problem is no surprise to God. And if you have a relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit is your Help. You are not alone. Pray. Ask God for wisdom and discernment. As Him to guide you. To bless you with ideas. To equip you.

Problems happen. They are opportunities. To be a good steward of all the gifts you’ve been blessed with. To be a witness. To give thanks and credit for His faithfulness. And to frustrate Satan.

If You Want to Recognize Opportunity, Pay Attention.

Notice What Others Overlook and You’ll See Opportunities they Don’t.

Notice What Others Overlook and You’ll See Opportunities they Don’t.Notice What Others Overlook and You’ll See Opportunities They Don’t.

Seems simple.

but you know as well as I do that people are oblivious most of the time.

We walk around in a vacuum, navigating the smallest encounters on autopilot, looking at our phones instead of looking people in the eye and missing the sunset for months.

Not only do we miss opportunities that would bless us, but opportunities that would bless others.

From fleeting opportunities to encourage someone to huge missed opportunities to…

connect with someone,
learn from someone,
even receive help from someone.

When we don’t pay attention, we miss identifying all the disconnected things we encounter in our day, which means we forfeit opportunities to recognize ways we can connect them, leading to new ideas that might solve our problems or inspire us to take a step in a new direction.

Try it. Just for today. Pay attention to as many things as possible – small and large, in your direct line of vision as well as in your peripheral vision. Listen to words and sounds you overhear in the background and stop tuning out direct messages as noise.

If you are a person of faith, pray.
Ask the Holy Spirit to prompt you. Nudge you. Call your attention to whatever He wants you to notice today.

What opportunities can you recognize?

Hard Work Beats Talent When Talent Doesn’t Work Hard

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. #DoYourBestEvenWhenYouDontNeedTo #GoodSteward #AudienceofOne

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. #DoYourBestEvenWhenYouDontNeedTo #GoodSteward #AudienceofOneWhen you are talented in some area and doing a job you are overqualified for, it may seem like you don’t need to work as hard to be half as good as everyone else involved in the job.

put another way,
When you are really good at something and you are working with people whose skills are average or less, it may be tempting to coast.

but what if you didn’t?
What if, instead, you did your absolute BEST work?

What if you put forth the kind of effort required when you are in a situation where YOU are the one working with people who have more skills and experience and you are striving to keep up?

In that situation, if you were the person with less talent and YOU worked harder than someone with more talent,

who would be seen as the person with the strongest work ethic?
would you be given more responsibility?
more opportunity?
more respect?

would your pursuit of excellence inspire others to also give their best, leading to increased morale and an elevation of the entire project?

When you are the person with less talent and YOU work harder than the person with more talent, does that make YOU their greatest competition?

Back to the original scenario, if YOU are the person on a team who has the greatest talent, the strongest skillset and the most experience and YOU pursue EXCELLENCE when a lesser effort would still contribute more than…everyone else combined,

would you be seen as the person with the strongest work ethic?
would you confirm to everyone involved that you deserve more responsibility and opportunity?
would the respect others have for you increase?
would YOUR pursuit of excellence not only inspire others to give their best but also lead to CONTAGIOUS increase of morale and EXPONENTIAL elevation of the entire project?

Consider: If you are the person with the greatest talent and someone works harder than you, they are your greatest competition.

If you are a person of faith,
~ diligently pray that the Holy Spirit would equip your for the work and then lean on God’s power to accomplish in you what you can’t accomplish on your own.
~ ask God to make you aware of what He wants you to attend to and who He might want you to help and encourage or even mentor.
~ ask God to help you be a strong witness for His love and grace.

#DoYourBestEvenWhenYouDontNeedTo
Be a #GoodSteward of the talents you’ve been blessed with.
Keep your focus on #AudienceofOne

You Find What You Look For. What are you missing?

Sometimes, with people, you find what you look for. #SeePeople because we're all #JustaDifferentKindofBroken

Sometimes, with people, you find what you look for. #SeePeople because we're all #JustaDifferentKindofBrokenSometimes
with people,
you find what you look for.

What if you questioned your assumptions?

What if you asked questions?

And listened.

It’s easier and faster to assume you’ve got someone figured out based on your first impression of them.
It’s easier and faster to assume you know someone’s motivations based on your interpretation of their words and actions.
It’s easier and faster to assume you have no blind spots or biases when it comes to evaluating another person or situation.
It’s easier and faster to write someone off as not worth your time or a second thought. as less or an idiot…or a bigot or a zealot.
It’s easier and faster to dehumanize someone by categorizing them with an adjective or labeling them with a derogatory term or encapsulating them with a pithy meme or quote.

What if you’re wrong? What does that say about your character? Do you care?

People are inconvenient.
They take time. and effort. and sometimes risk and and humility and vulnerability.

But consider this. People take the faster, easier path when they encounter you.

If you are a person of faith, consider this. If you take the easier, faster path with people in your life – whether in fleeting encounters with strangers, casual interactions with acquaintances or the hard work of closer relationships – are you missing something? What would God have you do in each of those opportunities? What would you do differently if you prayed about it?

Would you choose easy and fast? or risk and humility and vulnerability?
Dismissal? Or an opportunity to be an encouragement and a witness and a testament for the grace and unconditional love God has freely given to you?

Will you attempt to act and speak on your own or will you ask the Holy Spirit to guide and equip you to be His hands and feet and eyes and ears and voice?

Don’t miss a blessing in disguise because you’ve dismissed the possibility that God could use THAT person to speak into your life.

Don’t miss an opportunity to be a blessing in someone’s life for the sake of an easier, faster path to your own goals and comfort zone.

#SeePeople and #edify because everyone is #JustaDifferentKindofBroken

 

Repentance vs. Guilt
reACT or reSPOND?

Repentance leads to positive change but guilt is self-destructive, counter-productive and a waste of time.
Repentance leads to positive change,
but guilt is self-destructive, counter-productive and and a waste of time.

Guilt: feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy
Repentance: sad and humble realization of – and regret for – something you’ve done…

with a resolve to change

There are times when we come face to face with the realization that there’s something in our lives that’s negative or destructive or hurtful to others and/or ourselves. I sometimes refer to that moment as an “ugly look in the mirror.”

What do we do? What are our choices? How do you handle negative feedback (or what I prefer to call developmental feedback)?

1. Denial. Is your knee-jerk reaction to deny it? Defend yourself against it? Explain how it’s not true? or how it’s justified? Do you dismiss the feedback as irrelevant because nobody understands?

That’s a completely normal reaction.

Keep that word in mind for a few minutes: reACTION.

2. Discouragement. Do you shut down? Does negative feedback demoralize you? Demotivate you? Depress you? Does it set you off into a multi-day or multi-week debilitating funk that you feed with negative self-talk and junk food?

That’s a completely normal reaction.

again, keep that word in mind for a few minutes: reACTION.

3. Determination. Does your pride take a hit and trigger the warrior in you to rise up and set out on an exhausting and unsustainable pattern of calculated behaviors in an effort to prove “them” wrong.

That’s a completely normal reaction.

there’s that word again. reACTION.

What if you push the pause button on your reACTION? What if, instead, you reSPOND?

act “a thing done,” from Latin actus “a doing; a driving, impulse, a setting in motion;”

-spond- comes from Latin, where it has the meaning “pledge; promise.”

What if you took some time to process not only the feedback that can trigger these reactions, but to also think through the bigger picture:

Is there ANY truth to the feedback? Even if it was delivered by a non-objective source and wrapped up in acrimonious language, is there ANY truth to it? Can you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see you as they see you? Is there anything you are doing that contributes to their view of you or the situation?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, consider asking yourself:

Do I care? Do I feel badly about what I’ve said or done? Do I want the situation to change?

If so, do I reACT in guilt?
Or do I reSPOND with repentance?