fragments: F250, toxic levels of NO!, lunchbox, photo that never dies, business distraction, thinking chair, strep, grilled cheese & the learning curve of a cat.
August 29, 2011
(FirstHusband was out of town and my car needed to go into the shop.)
“I’ll be driving the Ford F250 this week, but in addition to the water it needs to be fed every day, FirstHubs says it needs oil. I’ll be dragging a step ladder out to do that because there is NO WAY I can reach while standing on the ground.”
(didn’t drive the F250. Called dibs on FavoriteSon’s car instead. I can just see it, a Ford F250 with the hood up, next to an empty stepladder – and my legs hanging out of the engine because I fell in)
August 30, 2011
Dear Tuesday, August 30th: you have exceeded your daily limit of the word “no.”
Did some new hire computer training today – I LOVE it when I can show someone how to make their job easier and their work more efficient – at the SAME time! Ultimately, it helps to lower their stress level, increase their job satisfaction and build their confidence. And I LOVE it when I train someone who’s enthusiastic about learning!
August 31, 2011
I spy . . . a forgotten lunch box on the kitchen counter. dang it.
I was supposed to get a new driver’s license Tuesday morning.
Text from FirstHusband in Utah: “Any luck on the driver’s license front?”
Me: “you. are. a. nag.”
1stHubs: “I waited more than 24 hours after you said you would be there. Besides, I’m waiting on something. I’m bored.”
Me: “Had to get PinkGirl to school 45 minutes early because we only had one car. This photo will follow me for 10 years.”
1stHubs: “What? I’m confident your natural beauty will shine through. You are being too modest.”
pshhh. He IS bored.
Trying to write. I knew avoidance was imminent.
random word search on youtube: “business”
I’m confident there is an answer to this problem. Just haven’t figured it out yet. If only I had $199. What? I said I was avoiding. I just shifted from youtube to ebay. (click HERE for the Thinking Chair eBay auction)
September 1, 2011
FavoriteSon home from school today. His self-diagnosis? Strep. 11:30 appointment at the doctor to confirm.
FavoriteSon’s self-diagnosis is confirmed. He is “strep throat boy.” Now we try and prevent him from morphing into “CONTAGIOUS strep throat boy”
FavoriteSon: “Mom, will you make me a grilled cheese sandwich?”
Me: “It’s 9 o’clock at night. I bought you soup.”
FavSon: “You can’t eat soup without grilled cheese.”
Me: “yes you can. I’ve seen it done.”
FirstHusband, overhearing all this over the phone: “you don’t love your son enough to make him a grilled cheese sandwich?”
It’s a grilled cheese conspiracy.
10:21pm – I caved. he really is pitiful when he’s sick.
September 2, 2011 at 1:07pm
Bob the Cat is dumber than dirt. I must have thrown him (gently) off my desk 30 times in the last hour and a half. Trying to get some work done and he’s seriously throwing off my groove!
1:16pm – 31
1:17pm – 32
Bob the cat has an entire house – with multiple surfaces in multiple rooms – to stretch out on. WHY does he feel compelled to stretch out on my desk at my elbow while I’m working? He’s been taking up WAY too much space on this desk ALL. DAY. LONG. I’m seriously tired of pushing – I mean, putting – him on the floor.
Who has the biggest learning curve, him for not STAYING down? Or me, for not accepting that he’s NOT going to stay down?
I was online with a client and both of us were viewing a document on my screen, which suddenly became a blank document. Neither of us understood what happened for a minute.
Until I realized Bob’s hind end was draped over the number pad’s enter key. The text was there, just below a boatload of hard returns. down again.
1. “crud.” That’s what our dishwasher is leaving behind. It is also what I am saying about the fact that our dishwasher is not washing our dishes.
Crud is NOT the word I used when I Googled my Kenmore model and found a forum with over 750 entries by owners who have problems with this dishwasher. Instead, I said, “ARRGG!” What? I love that word. Try it. “ARRGG!”
2. “EWWW!” That’s what I said when I sat down at the piano to help PinkGirl with her scales and smelled cat urine. EWWW is also the word I used when I saw the output tank of my SpotBot after cleaning the source of the stanky smell. I will spare you a photo.
3. “Dang It!” That’s what I said when I saw cat foot prints on the SpotBot track marks the next day. I need to get some Enzyme cleaner. Fast.
4. “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.” That’s what I said over and over again the day after using my SpotBot on said carpet stain. On my hands and knees for 15 minutes moving my arm back and forth while holding the SpotBot wand and my abs are KILLING me. I thought it would be okay, it’s six weeks post-op for cryin out loud. Ow.
5. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” That’s what I said to FavoriteSon this week! 14 years old! When did THAT happen?
6. “Bummer.” That’s what I thought when FirstHusband sent me a text message on Wednesday night that read:
“On the ground in Birmingham. Wasn’t planning to be in Birmingham today. Always a risk flying into Atlanta.” and then “Finally . . . 4 hours late.”
He sat ON the plane, ON the runway in Birmingham for THREE HOURS waiting to fly into Atlanta on Wednesday night.
Then I said “Bummer” again on Thursday night, when I got this text:
“Plane late out of Atlanta. Currently scheduled to land in Orlando at midnight. Be home around 1am.”
And no, he wasn’t sitting in the Atlanta airport that entire time. He flew from Atlanta to somewhere else and back between Wednesday and Thursday evening. He got home around 1:45 this morning and was already at work before we got up this morning. BUM. MER.
7. “YES!” That’s what I said when I
got rid of graciously mailed out FOUR, count em’ FOUR free books to other paperbackswap.com members. Let the purging continue! Want a free book? Join paperbackswap.com, list some of your unwanted books, PICK ONE from my list and I’ll send it to you FREE!
Elle at A Complete Thought recently noted that her top post was entitled “Dog and Cat Theology.” Deep stuff.
Today one of my search strings was “how do you tell if your cat is retarded.” I’m assuming they ended up HERE. Not so deep stuff.
FirstHusband, FavoriteSon and I all cracked up. Then FavoriteSon said, “Makes you wonder what their cat is doing.”
The Saturday before last, we learned we had critters invading our back porch. Little critters. And not cute critters like squirrels or chipmunks or hamsters. Bigger than hamsters. We had foolishly left birdseed on the porch in their original bags. First, we vacuumed up LOTS of sunflower seed shells. Then, after blocking up all the possible entrances to the porch and laying out a few appetizing cubes of poison, we discovered that critters were not INVADING our porch. They were LIVING IN IT.
So, Sunday afternoon was spent COMPLETELY purging the porch of critters and their warm cozy home – which happened to be underneath an old portable hot tub. The hot tub was buried under a mountain of junk and clutter. These photos are from August of last year, so add about 2 feet to the height of the junk and clutter:
Amazingly, after a only a few hours of digging through the pile, it was clear. I went inside like a total girl, and watched as FirstHusband tipped the hot tub on its side. The critters immediately ran out and scurried around the porch before finding the open door. FirstHusband and FavoriteSon rolled the hot tub out right behind them and it sat in the back yard for a week.
The NEXT Sunday afternoon, FirstHusband hauled the hot tub to the dump. My porch is so CLEAR!
Now I need to clean and organize the shelving unit behind the teak screen – but the screen has been pushed back more than 4 FEET! I was finally able to move my chair under the ceiling fan! It has been very peaceful sitting out there this last week.
The evacuated little critters have been munching on poison cubes every night for the past week. We’re pretty sure they ran into a shed on the side of the house, so unless they politely go off somewhere in the forest to die, finding their remains in the shed should be fairly easy. FirstHusband bought some stackable bins for the bird seed, so hopefully, the temptation to invade our porch is gone.
2. Speaking of birdseed. FirstHusband is still working on his raccoon learning curve. He has once again modified bird feeders with zip ties in an effort to thwart the raccoons and squirrels. I’ll let this photo serve as his notice that we’re down to three zip ties on this bird feeder.
And we did buy a new bird feeder for thistle. The label said “Squirrel Proof.” Shhhhh. I think I just heard a bunch of squirrels laughing. Yes. I’m sure of it.
We did figure out a way of preventing the raccoons from dragging the suet feeders up into the tree. We hung a big ol’ wooden birdhouse to the bottom of the suet feeders. Raccoons may be smart, and they may be persistent and they may have some chewing capacity – but they cannot lift this bird house unless they join paws and pull together.
Short of taking down all the bird feeders – which I REALLY enjoy having, due to all the BIRDS they attract, we’re not going to get rid of the other visitors to our yard. We back up to a small pond and beyond an embankment, a RIVER. There is a forest behind our house. At night, we get deer, raccoons – and last night, for the first time, we saw a possum. Unless we leave cheap feed out on the ground – AWAY from the house and easier to get to than the bird feeders – these visitors vandalize the bird feeders. If they don’t find any food out in the yard, the deer will come right up to my porch and eat my rosebushes down to stumps. Very rude.
So, we usually buy a 50 pound bag of cracked corn for $6.75 and leave the corn in bowls under the tree – again – AWAY from the house. We’ve learned that when we are diligent about that, the bird feeders stay intact, the more expensive seed remains in the feeders for the birds and I have roses in vases in my kitchen window (for the cats to eat, of course).
Kristen emailed me to make sure I was okay and I realized I hadn’t blogged in over a week!
Over a week! What have I been doing?
I missed 7 Quick Takes Friday last week, but it just seems like a good way to catch up on a few things . . .
1. Still healing. Feeling pretty good. Still slow, but getting faster. FirstHusband and I went to Sam’s Club and Walmart together on Saturday and he said I wasn’t annoyingly slow, just a little slow. I leaned on pushed the basket a lot. I get really tired by the end of the day if I’m too active during the day. So. I’m still a bit of a wimp. Thankfully, I’m allowed in my dry sauna now, so that is a WONDERFUL THING. I LOVE my dry sauna.
I wish I could stretch. I mean REEAALLY stretch. Like a cat. When our cats stretch I want to throw things at them to make them stop. It’s not nice that they do that in front of me.
I wish I could sleep comfortably. I mean like I did before the surgery. Hunker down and sleep HARD comfortable, you know?
I wish could get a massage, but I’m still too afraid to lay on my stomach or let anyone even come close to touching my new scar. My back hurts all the time from wearing the compression binder all day. Four weeks down, two more weeks to go.
2. I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis. Really for the first time. I’ve read The Screwtape Letters, but that was over a decade ago and that was fiction. I’ve read excerpts and quotes, but this is the first time I’ve read an entire book by C.S. Lewis. My first pick? “The Problem of Pain.” I’m still working out my thoughts on the paradox of evil and suffering vs. a loving, all-powerful God. Learning a LOT. Making many handwritten notes. And a list of words I need to look up in the dictionary. Like “filial.”
3. Spending a lot of time writing in my prayer journal. About everything. Reading my Bible. Spending time sitting still and shutting up after writing/praying. Listening. Learning. Thinking.
4. Still praying and struggling with what to do about the praise team at my church. Thursday night at 7pm, I went to my first rehearsal since my surgery. The interim leader/director who originally asked me to sing with the group was out of town.
The sound was . . . significantly less than optimal. In the end, I said I wasn’t ready to sing with the group on Sunday. Everyone assumed that I wasn’t feeling up to singing quite yet. True. In a way. I attended the traditional service on Sunday morning instead of the contemporary service, so people wouldn’t wonder why I was sitting out.
I’ll admit, I’m discouraged and confused about the direction of this service and what role, if any God wants me to take. Everything is still in transition. I’m taking it a week at a time. Today, I prayed that God would make it VERY CLEAR whether I should sing with the group this week.
5. Summer has begun and we are actually on track for the daily summer plan. The kids are reading a minimum of 30 minutes every day and they are both physically active every day (they are in the pool right now). FavoriteSon has been practicing the guitar nearly every day and PinkGirl had her most productive piano practice today. (I can’t play, but I do remember my scales, so that’s what I’m teaching her.) She hasn’t been consistent with her daily math, but I’m working on it. We’ve been pretty consistent with a 20 minute rotation of playing/working during the day. My oven timer is getting a serious work out.
6. The kids and I have all gone to the dentist for cleanings in the last week and (unfortunately) PinkGirl had her first filling today. She did GREAT. We go to a pediatric dentist and LOVE him.
7. We got a Wii! FavoriteSon, the family money hoarder has been saving his money for months and decided that he wanted to have a boy/girl birthday party in a few weeks and he wanted Wii to be one of the main activities. So he bought himself an early birthday present. Our family was ready for a Wii. My dad came over on Sunday afternoon after church and he even played. Just one more way to get the kids to be active during the day.
1. I’ve learned that 400 mg of ibuprofen pales in comparison to ANY mg of Percoset. Baby aspirin might be more effective at getting rid of pain. Or a chanting witch doctor.
2. I’ve learned that, with water, I can EASILY take four ibuprofen tablets at the same time. (A BIG thanks to the table-full of women at the 8th grade banquet last night who all informed me that 800 mg of ibuprofen is what I need!) And yes, you BET I’m taking them with food! Chocolate counts, right?
3. I’ve learned that I need to restock my personal mini-van pharmacy.
4. I’ve learned that I need to carry a bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of water with me everywhere I go for the next few weeks.
5. I’ve learned that I miss my Percoset. I gaze affectionately at the half-full bottle. Then I pop my ibuprofen instead, get in my van and drive to where ever I have to go with no narcotic impairment.
6. I’ve learned that when doctors say that recovery from an abdominal hysterectomy is 6 weeks, they aren’t just saying that in an effort to protect themselves from a malpractice suit.
7. I’ve learned that when I tell people I had a hysterectomy and a tummy tuck, they only hear “tummy tuck.”
8. I’ve learned that when I tell women I’ve had a tummy tuck, most of them verbally express their jealously of me while abandoning eye contact in favor of staring at my abdomen – while they blatantly rub their own tummy and fantasize about the results of their own tummy tuck. (If I were to ever get the “girls” lifted, I wouldn’t tell. THAT lack of eye contact – and “gesturing” would creep me out.)
9. I’ve learned that the pain (mostly crampy) I’m feeling is INSIDE my abdomen, seemingly from the hysterectomy and not the tummy tuck. I’m thinking that all the organs which previously surrounded my giant uterus are now dukin it out for the newly available real estate. There’s very little incision pain from the tummy tuck. Still too much swelling and numbness. Even the tightened abdominal muscles aren’t really painful. It just feels like I did 2000 crunches. Yesterday.
10. I’ve learned that I really don’t like sleeping on my back.
11. I’ve learned one of my stupid cats believes I’m his personal
jumping stepping stone.
12. I’ve learned that my cat can fly. And land on all four feet. Three times in a row.
13. I’ve learned that my cat has a steep learning curve. Or that he suffers from short term memory loss.
14. I’ve learned that this was the PERFECT year and time of year to have these surgeries! It has worked out really, really well.
15. I’ve learned that am incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful, selfless husband who
tolerates loves me, even when I’m dishing the cranky because I can’t do anything I’m used to doing.
16. I’ve learned that my kids can be selfless and sweet. Sometimes. When I really NEED them to be.
17. I’ve learned that I need a nap. And a temporary cleaning service. And a rented dumpster for the driveway.
FirstHusband is an engineer and FavoriteSon has probably seen every “Mythbuster” episode ever made. They both do what I call “scary math” while listening to music in headphones, they heckle the Mythbuster experiments, while secretly envying Jamie and Adam and they sometimes explain things to me in such a way that my only possible response is to nod affirmatively and raise my eyebrows in rapt interest and amazzzzzzzzz . . . oh. sorry.
I found this on youtube and knew they would appreciate the humor. So, this is dedicated to my two FavoriteNerds and our two black cats, Boo and Bob (sister and brother).